Forbidden Baby

Chapter 17 – Preparations

Thia’s POV

The rest of the Christmas break seemed to follow a similar pattern of keeping myself busy during the days and occupying myself, so I didn’t have too much time to think in the evenings. Soon enough, the other girls came back, and it was time to go back to school.

In the following weeks I received my results and successfully passed all my exams. I was well on the way to getting through the next years curriculum, ready to take my finals in May. I assumed Mum and Dad didn’t know; they had still not been in touch.

After the lack of communication to date, and more specifically over Christmas, I took it as an unspoken fact that I would not hear from them until it was time to leave here. It was my 17th birthday tomorrow, and I had accepted it would be bypassed without acknowledgement.

I had missed Zeke’s 18th birthday in December, It was a milestone I was saddened to miss. In my own way, I celebrated with him, I bought a cupcake for him and lite a candle and sang to him. Of course, I then ate the cupcake, it would have been rude not too!  

But for my birthday, I was not only going to be singing for myself but for Gabe. As a twist of fate, only a year apart, we shared our birthday. It was his 16th, another milestone birthday I was missing. We had always shared parties and cakes and presents.

Growing up I hated it. I hated having our birthday on the same day, sharing everything with him and not being treated as an individual, we were so different, but were treated the same. This year, however, I craved to share my day with him.

I felt guilty that the reason, not only I was missing out, but they were too, was because of my foolishness. I tried not to ruminate on it too much. It did me no good. Instead, I made a small cake and bought some candles, and decided I would celebrate our day thinking of him while eating cake.

I knew he would be thinking of me, and the thought that we would always have this day together, wherever we were, was reassuring. I was about to light the candle, on the simple Victoria sponge I had made and there was a knock on the door.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, so when I opened the door to see Lilly standing there with a balloon and a present, I was so overwhelmed. I hadn’t told anyone it was my birthday.

‘How did you know?’ I grinned.

‘Mrs. Radcliffe, she was surprised you hadn’t had any mail’

‘Oh’ I couldn’t hide the sadness that crept into my eyes.

‘Well, I hope you don’t mind, but a couple of the girls wanted to come and wish you a happy birthday’ she looked a little apprehensive, I didn’t socialise with them much, so I was surprised they wanted too, if I was honest with myself.

Surprised, but not against it, it would be nice to have some company for a short while ‘Sure, that would be great’ I smiled, all sadness leaving my eyes.

‘Great, she beamed as a couple of the girls came into view, clearing having stayed out of sight in case I disagreed with the idea, which made me laugh a little.

‘Come on in’ I opened the door wide ‘I made a cake’

‘Ohhhhh great!’ I knew Lilly liked cake, and I was glad I had made a proper one now.

We sat and ate cake, chatted and I opened my present and in the hour that they stayed, I felt like a normal 17 year old girl. I was beyond happy Lilly and the girls had made the effort.

I felt a little bad I hadn’t made more of an effort with them. I kept telling myself it was the right thing to do though, because deep down, I knew it was. When they left, I was still smiling. I placed my hands on my bump as I softly spoke ’17 now Baby Girl, another year older’

I spent the next few months cramming in my studies and doubling my schoolwork load. It wasn’t easy, but I increased my study hours, and tended to fly through most of the work, I was well on schedule for being ready for my exams in May.

I was a little concerned about how it would play out depending on when Baby Girl made an appearance, but I continued to work as if it would all work out, praying that it would.

If there really was a God, I knew he would be looking out for me, despite my parents’ beliefs, I didn’t think he would condemn us and abandon us because of my mistakes. Well, that’s what I liked to believe, anyway.

I had started the life lessons, learning to cook, budget and be self-sufficient. I had become more confident and independent, and I was enjoying learning new skills. I even learnt how to sew. The baby classes, however, I found hard.

Not because they were difficult, but because I enjoyed them so much, and I knew, that after only a month, I would no longer have a use for them. Nevertheless, I listened, participated, and wanted to learn everything I could.

If I was only going to be able to look after Baby Girl for a month, I was going to make damn sure it was the greatest month of her life, and I gave her the best start. It was all I could do, so I was going to do it with pride.

I was in baby class, and we were learning how to bath. We paired up and shared a lifelike doll to carry out the task after we were shown how to do it. Some of the girls where talking.

‘Do you have a name yet Mari?’

‘Umm, I have a few but I can’t stick to just one! Felix is cute’ she responded, ‘how about you?’

‘I like Hunter’ Johannah responded ‘What about you Tabitha? You’re having a girl, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah, I don’t have any names yet though’ I said shyly.

I didn’t really want to name her, I knew they would change it as soon as they took her from me, and it made me sad to think of that day. I did, however, know I was going to have to name her. I couldn’t keep calling her Baby Girl!

‘Aww I bet you can’t wait to go clothes shopping for cute girl outfits!’

This was the reason I rarely included myself in conversations, sometimes, it was just too hard, however positive I tried to be.

They were both having boys and spent the rest of the class talking about all the things they planned to do when they left here. I tried to join in and not seem like a complete jackass, but it was difficult to get excited about things that would never happen.

With only 4 weeks to go until my due date, Lilly had been to see me to advise me I needed to start preparing for the birth. I had been avoiding this part for the longest time, mainly because it petrified me! Also, because time just seemed to be going to fast. I wanted more time with my Baby Girl.

Reluctantly I made an appointment with Lilly to make my apartment baby ready. My budget was minimal, but to keep up appearances I had managed to save enough from my weekly food budget over the time I had been here, to have enough for some basics.

Lilly knew I didn’t have much, so she helped me buy everything on a tight budget. I didn’t need much, I got a baby bassinet from a free to a good home website, a decent second-hand sterilizer, and a bundle of new-born baby clothes from a local woman.

I had over the last few months I bought enough nappies and milk to last me a month. It was all I would need. We went to the local supermarket and bought the bottles and things for the hospital that I needed. For everything else, I would make do with what I had.

As April arrived, Spring started to show all around and I only 2 weeks until my due date. I had my hospital bag packed, my bottles freshly sterilised and my baby clothes and bedding freshly laundered ready to use. I felt as ready as I was ever going to be.

My waddle was pronounced, with the weight of Baby Girl, I was struggling with everything. I couldn’t bend to put socks on, showering was hard work and it felt like she was constantly punching my ribs and kicking my bladder.

I was so ready to get her out! But at the same time, I didn’t want her to come too soon. I had a recent check up with the midwife who said everything was normal. She wasn’t going to be a small baby, so they wanted me to have regular check-ups, as I was only petite.

With the impending birth and my finals only 6 weeks away, I had a lot going on. If Baby Girl came early, I may not even get to sit my finals, then I would have to repeat the entire year. It didn’t bare thinking about. So, I tried not to think about it all.

Freddie, however, was never far from my thoughts, and neither was Gabe, Zeke, and Loretta. Soon enough all this would be over, and I would finally find out what had been going on while I was away. I was both excited and nervous about this.

The following week, I was starting to become breathless with the sheer lack of space in my body to accommodate the size of Baby Girl. To me, she seemed massive! I worried how I would cope during the birth.

I met Lilly at the front of the house, she was taking me for another check-up. I waddled to the car as had become accustomed and struggled to get into the passenger seat.

Lilly chuckled ‘You seem to have sprouted again Thia, how is there any room left inside you!’ she joked.

‘Ugh, not funny Lilly, I feel like a whale’

‘Aww don’t be sad, you are positively glowing’ she smiled wide, trying to make me feel better.

Being grumpy was a common occurrence these days! The sheer discomfort alone was enough to make me cranky, add that to exam pressure, impending birth fear and everything else, I was unbearable, and I knew it!

I was pretty sure everyone around me was glad I wasn’t in their friend group, they all stayed well clear, and I couldn’t blame them, I irritated myself with my moaning and grumbling! And apparently, it just gets worse. Ugh.

I continued to moan all the way to the clinic for my check-up. When I saw Rosa, I didn’t even smile. I more grimaced. When I got to the chair in her room, I barely fit in it and groaned as I sat.

‘So, How are you doing?’ Rosa asked hesitantly. Lilly shot her look I didn’t miss.

‘I’ll be just fine when you get this baby out of me!’ I growled.

‘Oh, we are that stage, well, don’t worry, she’ll be here soon enough. You are doing amazing well. Shall we get you on the bed so we can measure you’

She was being too nice for someone who had just been growled at. I pouted and struggled to stand up and waddle over to the bed. I needed help to get on it and I felt like a complete i***t. I burst into tears for absolutely no reason.

Hormones were messing with my head!

‘I’m sorry’ I wailed ‘I just, I don’t know, I just…’ I couldn’t make a coherent sentence and I felt completely overwhelmed.

Lilly held me while I sobbed, and Rosa handed me a tissue. I eventually calmed down and started to laugh, nothing was funny. I think I may have gone insane.

Rosa measured me ‘Ok, well the good news is she’s growing really well, and she is moving lot, she is in the right position, and everything seems healthy’

All I interpreted from that, was hat there was bad news ‘So, what’s the bad news?’ I could feel tears threatening to leave my eyes once again.