Chapter Ten-REX
1820 Words
Two months.
I had been married to Mian for two months.
And somehow, I still didn’t know what I was to him.
Husband?
Stranger?
The man he tolerated because of Kai?
Probably the last one.
Because Mian had never once pretended otherwise.
He married me because of my son.
That had been clear from the beginning.
Still…
I think some foolish part of me had expected something else.
I didn’t know what.
A conversation.
A friendship.
Maybe a smile that was meant for me.
Something.
Anything that would make me feel like I wasn’t simply the man standing beside the person Mian had actually chosen.
But Mian barely spoke to me.
Ten sentences.
Maybe less.
That was how much conversation we had in an entire day unless it involved Kai or something absolutely necessary.
“Good morning.”
“Have you seen Kai?”
“He’s in his room.”
“Okay.”
“Are you coming home for dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
That was it.
That was my marriage.
And somehow, the man wasn’t even cruel about it.
That would have been easier.
If Mian had been rude, cold, or disrespectful, I could have been angry.
But he wasn’t.
He was kind.
Always kind.
Just never particularly interested in me.
And that was worse.
Because there was nothing I could accuse him of doing wrong.
He had simply never wanted me.
⸻
Mian had completely taken over Kai’s life.
Not in a bad way.
In fact, he had made it better.
That was the problem.
He had gone to Kai’s school.
Met his teachers.
Learned his schedule.
Learned his favorite subjects.
Learned what he struggled with.
Learned which friends he talked about.
He knew the names of teachers I had never met.
He knew what time Kai needed to wake up.
What time he needed breakfast.
When his homework needed to be done.
When he was supposed to go to bed.
He had even rearranged his hospital schedule.
Mian was a doctor.
He had patients.
He had responsibilities.
Yet somehow, he had found a way to make his entire life revolve around my son.
Every morning, after breakfast, he took Kai to school.
Kai already had a car and a driver.
He didn’t need Mian to take him.
But Mian insisted.
“I’ll take him.”
And that was it.
He would put on his coat.
Fix Kai’s collar.
Check his schoolbag.
Make sure he had everything.
Then they would leave together.
In the afternoon, the driver picked Kai up.
Mrs. Harper would look after him for a few hours.
And by seven or eight, Mian was home.
Unless there was an emergency at the hospital.
Even then, he’d call.
He had created an entire schedule around Kai.
And I…
I watched.
Because I didn’t know where I belonged in it.
⸻
Sometimes I stood at the top of the stairs and watched them.
I shouldn’t have.
But I did.
I watched Mian sit at the dining table while helping Kai with his homework.
“Try again.”
Kai frowned.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I don’t.”
Mian smiled.
“Think about it.”
Kai stared at the page.
Then suddenly—
“I know!”
Mian laughed.
“See?”
Kai beamed.
“I got it!”
“I’m proud of you.”
Those four words.
I’m proud of you.
They hit me harder than they should have.
Because I knew how much those words meant to a child.
And I knew how rarely I’d said them.
Not because I didn’t love Kai.
God, I loved my son.
But I hadn’t known how to show it.
Mian did.
Naturally.
Effortlessly.
Like breathing.
One afternoon, Kai came home with an A.
He ran straight into the kitchen.
“Daddy!”
Mian looked up.
“What happened?”
“I got an A!”
Mian’s face lit up.
“You did?”
Kai nodded.
“Look!”
Mian took the paper from him.
He smiled.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Then he kissed Kai’s forehead.
And that grade ended up on our refrigerator.
A simple piece of paper.
An A.
But Mian treated it like Kai had won an international award.
I stood in the kitchen that evening, staring at it.
I couldn’t explain the feeling in my chest.
How could someone love another person that much?
How?
Mian had known Kai for two months.
Two months.
I’d known him for five years.
And somehow, in two months, they had built something I’d failed to build in five years.
⸻
I wasn’t jealous of Kai.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
But if I was being honest…
I was.
There.
I’d finally admitted it.
I was jealous of my own son.
Not because I wanted Mian to love Kai less.
God, no.
I wanted him to love Kai exactly as much as he did.
But sometimes I wanted something too.
I wanted Mian to look at me the way he looked at Kai.
With warmth.
With patience.
With affection.
I wanted him to ask me how my day was.
I wanted him to notice when I was tired.
I wanted him to sit beside me because he wanted to.
Not because there was nowhere else to sit.
I wanted to feel like his husband.
But I didn’t even know if he saw me as one.
⸻
The strangest part was our bedroom.
We slept in the same room.
But we didn’t really share a bed.
Because Kai had developed a habit.
Every night, sometime after midnight, he’d appear at the door with his blanket.
“Daddy?”
Mian would immediately sit up.
“Come here.”
And Kai would climb into bed.
Right between us.
Every night.
For two months.
I never stopped him.
How could I?
But now he was almost six.
And I knew we needed to start teaching him to sleep in his own room.
One evening, after Kai had fallen asleep between us, I turned toward Mian.
“Mian.”
He looked up from his phone.
“Yes?”
“Can we talk about something?”
He put the phone down.
“What?”
“Kai.”
His expression immediately changed.
“What about him?”
“I think he’s old enough to start sleeping in his own room.”
Mian looked at the sleeping child between us.
“He’ll get there.”
“But he’s almost six.”
“I know.”
“He should have his own space.”
“He does.”
“I mean at night.”
Mian was quiet.
Then he said,
“He’s comfortable here.”
I stared at him.
“Because you’ve made him comfortable.”
“Yes.”
There was nothing defensive in his voice.
Just certainty.
I sighed.
“I’m not saying he can’t sleep here occasionally.”
Mian looked at me.
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want some time with my husband.”
The words came out before I could stop them.
Mian froze.
So did I.
His eyes met mine.
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
Then he looked away.
“I thought you understood why I married you.”
My chest tightened.
“I do.”
“Then—”
“I know.”
I swallowed.
“I know you married me for Kai.”
“Then why—”
“Because I married you too.”
He looked at me.
And for once, I didn’t know what to say.
Because the truth was humiliating.
I was jealous.
I wanted my husband.
I wanted something that probably wasn’t mine to want.
And I didn’t know how to ask for it.
⸻
That weekend, I didn’t work.
It was unusual for me.
I had deliberately cleared my schedule.
I told myself I wanted to spend time with Kai.
But that wasn’t the entire truth.
I wanted to observe them.
I wanted to understand.
I watched Mian sit on the floor while Kai showed him his toy cars.
I watched him listen when Kai talked.
Really listen.
When Kai spoke, Mian didn’t check his phone.
He didn’t look at the clock.
He didn’t think about his next meeting.
He simply listened.
At one point, Kai climbed onto Mian’s back.
Mian laughed.
“You’re getting heavy.”
“I’m not!”
“You are.”
“I’m strong.”
“You’re very strong.”
Kai giggled.
I stood in the doorway.
Watching.
And suddenly I realized something.
Mian wasn’t pretending.
He wasn’t performing fatherhood.
He wasn’t doing it because he had to.
He genuinely loved my son.
There was no hesitation.
No calculation.
No obligation.
Just love.
And perhaps that was why I couldn’t understand him.
Because I had spent my entire life believing love came with a cost.
Mian seemed to love without asking for anything in return.
How could someone be like that?
How could he sacrifice his career schedule?
His independence?
His future?
His freedom?
For a child he had met for two days?
And now, after two months, he was treating Kai like he had been his father forever.
I looked away.
Something painful settled in my chest.
Maybe Mian’s love was simply bigger than mine.
Or maybe mine had been buried so deeply beneath grief that I had forgotten how to use it.
⸻
That evening, I found Mian in the kitchen.
He was putting Kai’s latest school drawing on the refrigerator.
Another achievement.
Another little piece of paper.
Another reason for him to smile.
I stood behind him.
“Mian.”
He turned.
“Yes?”
I looked at him.
For a second, I wanted to say everything.
Do you hate me?
Do you ever think about me?
Do you see me as your husband?
Could you ever want me?
Instead, I asked the only thing I could manage.
“Are you happy?”
He looked surprised.
“Yes.”
I nodded.
“Good.”
I walked away.
Because that was all I could say.
Maybe this was what my marriage was going to be.
Mian and Kai.
And me somewhere on the outside, watching them build the family I had spent five years failing to create.
The crazy part?
I couldn’t even hate him for it.
Because Mian had done exactly what he promised.
He had chosen Kai.
He had given my son a home.
He had given him love.
He had given him a father.
And somewhere along the way, without realizing it, he had become the heart of my entire house.
I just wasn’t sure if there was any space in that heart for me.
And that was the first time I admitted the truth to myself.
I wasn’t afraid of losing Mian.
I was afraid I had never had him to lose in the first place.
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