Everything I'm Not

Chapter 2-2

Reagan walked into the mall and made her way to Katie’s, the small clothing store that provided her paycheck every other week. She worked with the same group of girls Monday through Friday, but only Jen ever seemed to notice her. The others were usually consumed by thoughts of their makeup or what episode was coming on that night. Needless to say, Reagan was anything but surprised when she strolled into the store and saw Beth, Tina, and Valerie gossiping about the latest town break-up. They all glanced at Reagan when she walked by, then returned to their conversation with synchronized smirks.

Jen was already in the break room, attempting to stuff her coat into her locker. She tucked the sleeve in three times, then tried to shut the door.

“Oh . . . my . . . God. What a piece of s**t!” Jen shouted at the metal door. She lifted her head at the sight of Reagan’s shadow. “Damn, you scared the crap out of me,” Jen said, clutching her chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Reagan said softly.

“It’s okay. Aren’t you excited for another day in this hell hole?”

Reagan let out a chuckle. “Yeah, I can’t wait.”

“What are the girls talking about this time? I can hear them from here.”

“I don’t know for sure, but it sounded like another break-up.”

“Oh God, give me a break. How many people can they possibly know in this town?” Jen said.

“A lot more than me, I guess.”

“That’s okay, you’re better off. Most people are assholes.”

Reagan grinned and opened her locker. She was used to Jen’s pessimism, perhaps realism. Whatever it was, Jen had developed a sort of “kiss my a*s” attitude toward the world. Supposedly, she had been a completely different person as a teenager. According to Jen, she was shy and obedient, a far cry from the rough and tough new version of herself that Reagan knew. Reagan just assumed she got tired of trying to be perfect all the time.

The two of them meandered out to the floor to get ready for the day. The other girls had begun folding clothes and straightening up. Reagan made her way to one cash register and Jen stood at the other. The manager, Angie, usually arranged them like this. It was the perfect setup for utilizing their strengths. Of course, they were all content with the organization. Angie, while only being a few years older than the rest of them, was well experienced. She had started working there in high school and stuck around longer than the average employee.

A few hours into her shift, Reagan checked in with Jen to make sure she would be all right on her own for a few minutes. She walked back to the break room and collapsed into one of the chairs at the table. Her feet were grateful for the time off. For some reason, the store was exceptionally slow, considering the time of year. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to relax and have a quick bite to eat.

Of course, her moment of peace was short-lived, since Tina decided to take her break at the same time. Reagan looked up from her sandwich when she walked in the door, making uncomfortable eye contact. Tina quickly lifted her nose and made her way to the refrigerator. Reagan continued to eat and read her magazine in silence, until the shrieking sound of Tina’s phone filled the room. Reagan jumped a little in her seat at the sudden noise.

“Hello?” Tina answered. “I’m at work, Derek, I told you that.” She started giggling and twirled her hair. “Yeah, we’ll see about that later.” She laughed again and looked over at Reagan, who had glanced up for just a moment. “I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you later . . . yeah, I hear you . . . okay, I hear you . . . see you tonight.”

Tina shook her head and shut the refrigerator door before turning to face Reagan. She felt Tina’s eyes on her but continued to read her magazine anyway.

“That’s called a boyfriend, Reagan. Maybe you should try to get one, instead of reading about it all the time,” Tina said.

“I really don’t care what you think,” Reagan replied.

“Whatever, you’re so weird.” Tina rolled her eyes and walked out with her water.

A few minutes later, Reagan decided to walk back out to take over for Jen. She ignored the other girls on her way through the store and stepped back up to her cash register. “Was it busy?” she asked.

“No, not really.”

“I got this, if you wanna go now.”

“Thanks, girl. I’ll be right back,” Jen said.

“Take your time.”

Jen disappeared into the back and, just as she had said, there were hardly any customers in the store. One woman stood in the men’s section with her little girl, scanning for the right size pants. A couple of high school girls looked at the sweaters, leaving them unfolded when they were finished. Beth and Valerie stood off to the side, shaking their heads in disgust, knowing they would have to refold them.

Reagan stared out the front door at the bookstore across the hallway. She was envious of the patrons within. For them, it was acceptable to drink coffee and read a good story. A couple of children sat on the floor and flipped through the pages of a pop-up book, while their mother examined the romance section. Reagan had disappeared into a daydream, but it didn’t last long.

A trio of guys suddenly blocked her view of the bookstore, as they strolled through the doorway. The first two were walking side-by-side, still laughing about something that had happened in the hallway. Both were dressed well and walked confidently. They were hard to tell apart, other than the color of their shirts. The third man followed up the rear, smiling at the humorous actions of the other two. He was the tallest of the group and sported a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans. His hair was dark and messy, and his eyes were the color of milk chocolate. He strolled into the store without a care in the world, hands in his pockets.

Reagan watched him as the group meandered toward the men’s clothes. Something about him drew her gaze. He was nothing like the type of guys she tended to get along with. Normally, the popular ones regarded her as invisible, and she settled for that, as long as she wasn’t a laughingstock. She had tried to avoid the cool kids her whole childhood and she had carried this attitude into her adult life. Not only did they often treat her like dirt, but she also believed it was a waste of her time to try to have a conversation with them. This assumption was a safety net for her, and it tended to pay off.

The guy she was watching wandered away from the other two for a moment. To her surprise, his demeanor seemed to change a little when he stood alone. He reached for the green shirt hanging on the rack in front of him and looked it over. After apparently deciding against it, he put it back, then paused for a moment. Her burning gaze must have begun to get his attention. He turned and looked over his shoulder, to find Reagan’s eyes all over him. She immediately felt her cheeks heating, and she looked at the register, hoping to play it off. He watched her for a moment, but that was all he would get. Valerie had seen him from across the room and decided to do what she did best . . . flirt.

“Hey, Jackson,” her squeaky voice called out. “I haven’t seen you in here before.”

“Well, that’s probably ‘cause I usually don’t shop here. We were just walkin’ around, wastin’ time. They walked in and I followed.” He looked down at her for just a second, then back at the rack.

Valerie giggled. “So how have you been? What’s it been, like, five years?”

He gave her what appeared to be a forced smile. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

His disinterest was escaping her attention, so she continued.

“Can I help you find something?”

Reagan watched from the cash register and rolled her eyes at Valerie’s pathetic display. She had seen the girls in action before, but it was equally ridiculous every time it happened.

“I’m fine, really. Thanks, though, uh . . .” he hesitated.

“Valerie, remember?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Sorry, I have a terrible memory sometimes.”

Reagan chuckled out loud, then cleared her throat and looked down at the fliers on the counter, hoping to remain unnoticed. Jen walked up behind her just in time.

“What ya laughin’ at?”

“Nothing. Just the same ol’ Valerie,” Reagan answered.

Jen looked over at Valerie, who was desperately trying to get in one more question. “How pathetic. She thinks that all men will bow down to her, doesn’t she?”

“Seems that way.”

Reagan chatted with Jen and found busy-work to do, but she kept glancing back at Jackson. Valerie had walked away and was now talking to the girls on the other end of the store. Reagan could only imagine the exaggerated story she was telling them about the good-looking guy from high school.

Jackson had finally picked out a shirt and was waiting patiently on his friends to finish browsing. He leaned against the wall, but at least one part of his body was always on the move. His restlessness got the best of him and he began pacing. He started toward the winter gear, then noticed Valerie watching him again. A look of panic struck him, and he performed an about-face. Then he did something that Reagan did not expect; he looked right at her. She forced herself to look back at him, in the most awkward way possible. Her top and bottom teeth pinched her bottom lip. He walked up to her cash register and laid the shirt down.

“Is this everything?” she asked him.

“Yeah, this is it.”

Reagan scanned the tag. “That’ll be twenty-one eighty-seven, please.” She folded the shirt and stuck it in a bag, while he swiped his card. “You want the receipt in the bag?”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

He looked over at his friends. They were still checking out the same sweatshirts as five minutes earlier.

“Thank you,” Reagan said, handing him the bag.

“So, have you worked here for a while?” he asked quietly.

“Me?”

He grinned. “Yeah.”

“A little more than a year I guess,” she replied.

Jen inconspicuously watched out of the corner of her eye.

“That’s cool. What’s your n . . .” he started, only to be interrupted by his friends.

“Jackson, are you ready?” the guy in blue asked.

“Am I ready? You guys stood there for, like, fifteen minutes and you’re not getting anything?” Jackson asked.

“Nah, I didn’t like anything.”

Jackson laughed. “Alright, man, we’re going.” He looked back at Reagan for a moment.

His friends noticed his gaze. They glanced in her direction, then back at him. One smirked and the other awkwardly tried not to laugh.

“Dude, let’s go,” said his buddy in gray.

“Alright, damn,” Jackson replied. He gave her one last look, then followed his friends out the door.

Jen waited until the coast was clear before turning toward Reagan. “And who was that?” she asked her.

“I have no idea.”

“He seemed interested in you.”

“No. No one is ever interested in me,” Reagan said, shaking her head.

“I really think he was. His friends just blew it for him, that’s all.”

Reagan laughed. “Jen, trust me. Guys don’t notice me. They never have. I’m just, well, I’m plain.”

“Hey, you’re not plain. You’re real. Just because you’re not always putting on a show for guys, doesn’t mean you’re plain. The good guys, the ones worth getting, will see that. They don’t want fake girls,” Jen encouraged.

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah. Ask anyone. Except for them, of course,” she said, pointing at the girls.

Reagan chuckled and looked at her shoes. “Valerie tried talking to him, but he kind of blew her off. It was hilarious.”

“Ya see? That’s what I’m talking about.”

“All right, I believe you. Either way, I have no clue who he is, other than the fact that she said his name. So that means that the one and only guy that may have been interested in me is gone and I don’t know who he is. That’s great,” she said.

“He knows where you are, though,” Jen replied.

Reagan nodded and they went back to work.