THE AWAKENING OF THE CHOSEN

Crazy pills

Kaleigha’s therapist, Mrs. Lopez said, “if the voice is violent and asking you to do things that could harm you or others, it has to go.” So, she started taking pills. They were supposed to help suppress the urges to rip people's throats out, basically.

She would easily admit that most people annoyed her. She would have surely been beaten up had she not taken so many classes in self-defense. The verbal abuse she couldn't run from. It's like she had a sign on her forehead that said Please f**k with Me. She felt this way because she was always a target. She could control her temper. Most days she chose to simply ignore them, but some days it was too much. This is when Azira reared her ugly head. The first time she was at a match (kickboxing) and her opponent was getting the better of her (a boy by the name of Blaine), even going far as to grope her during the match. He kept taking illegal hits and saying rude comments under his breath. Then she heard this voice out of nowhere. ‘Oh, this fucktard is mine!’ It hissed "Come on Kaleigha, let's show him who he is dealing with!" She felt that pent up anger explode and the next thing she knew she was being disqualified.

She f****d him up!

And that was the beginning. She was breaking arms and legs, left and right or was she.... nope, she concluded, Azira was! She had a hard time explaining this to a therapist. "So, the thing is Mrs. Lopez I hear this voice in my head. She doesn't play any games. I mean it's as simple as that."

Mrs. Lopez looked at her and said, "Can you tell her no?"

"What do you mean?" Kaleigha asked.

"Kaleigha, can you control this voice?"

"Hell nah, that b***h cra cra!" She said, throwing her hands up in defeat.

This is how she ended up with a schizophrenic diagnosis. Now she didn't feel crazy, but she knew she was gone. She had a separate entity with its own identity living in her head. Now they say crazy people don't know they are crazy. She would beg to differ. It wasn't because of the fact that she was hearing the voice, it was because of how she felt when she didn't. She felt like she lost a friend, deeper than that, a part of herself. She was lonely as a lone wolf.

She felt her dosage needed to be upped. It was hard finding the right amount. When it was too strong all she wanted to do was sleep. "Why are you pushing me away, Kaleigha?" Azira would whimper in pain as she felt she was betrayed by her.

Most of the time she ignored her. Even though it made her feel like s**t. “Why not ignore you, not like you exist.”. She was witty though and quick on her toes 'You don't exist b***h! They gave you your name.' She hissed and disappeared in the back recesses of Kaleigha’s mind.

Azira was a b***h! She was harsh and gave zero f***s about Kaleigha’s feelings. She also reminded her that her life was a fraud. Technically, she was a nobody. She was given a birthday and the name she had by the people that found her wandering in the woods covered in dirt and blood. She was never told why the name was chosen. It was Vanessa who suggested that she return to the woods for clues when she was 18. She did, and being honest with herself, it was creepy. Maybe because she could hear Mrs. Pinkney in her mind warning her of the dangers in the woods. Now to be fair, in her opinion, her mom was a little crazy herself. She had a fence bordering the whole property and she insisted on covering it with this plant (wolfbane). She would put gloves on just to handle it. When she asked why, she said it was to keep away from the danger that lurked in the woods.

She was mysterious in her own way, and she died with her secrets. Secrets, an interesting choice of words. Her Mom was hiding something from her. She knew this because the one time Scott came home, her son, they argued and, at first, she thought it was about her. He kept telling her she needed to take the child somewhere or something or let him take him. She couldn't hear exactly what was being said but she knew he was not happy. He showed up one night out of nowhere banging on the door. Kaleigha was supposed to be sleeping but she wasn't. "Mom, Goddess it's good seeing you," Scott had said.

"I didn't think you would come," Mom had said.

"How could I not after receiving that picture!"

"So, you saw it, Scotty, and it appears the same to you?”

"Mom, it's impossible. We are not even allowed to discuss this in our pack. It's forbidden, it's grounds for banishment." Scott sounded so upset she wanted to see him. She wanted to get closer.

"Where is the boy, mother?"

"Why do you need to know that?"

"Mother, you know as well as I if the council were to ever find out a decree from the Gods was disobeyed! For Goddess’s sake think of your grandchildren, my wife!" He sounded like he was in pure agony.

"The council eliminates anything it finds threatening. Remember what they did to your father."

"Mom!"

"I will not, but I need to know. Is it Legacy?”

"Mom, yes! I am so afraid for you."

"Don't worry about me. Give me the picture, it's not safe for you to have it."

“What is not safe is for you to continue to live your life as a rogue.”

“After what that pack did to your father, Scott! I would rather die than belong to another. Now you do what you have to do Scott, I forgive you either way, but I will never hand a child over to the same council that murdered my husband and barely offered an apology after finding out he was wrongfully accused.”

Kaleigha wanted to know even more about Mr. Pinkney then and the child that Scott was worried about. She never snooped through her things. So happy it wasn't her that he wanted to get rid of. She never forgot that night because she never heard her mom sound so angry and sad all at once.

Her Mom was a tough cookie once Mrs. Jene asked her "Loreal, why don't you just get a man for protection?"

Mom had looked at her sadly and said, "once you find true love it can't be replaced." True love, she said. She believed that Goddess. Yes, she said Goddess, because her mom never referred to God as he but her. She believed the Goddess made someone for everyone and that you should wait for that perfect man. She said her flower, which is what she referred to her v****a as, was special and only her true love should know of the wonders it possessed.

She didn't have to tell her that she had no desire to deal with men at all. Unfortunately, being in foster care has scarred her for life. She was molested and it gave her a fear of men and boys in general. Nothing worse than feeling like you have no control over a situation.

"Boys don’t like me anyway. They say I have a long head and I'm fat." She would say casually, after one of her lessons on love with Loreal. She was twelve then.

"Well, what do you say?" She asked Kaleigha.

She remembered shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh no, that's no good. Just because that's what others think does not mean that is what you are." Loreal grabbed her chin and made her look at her.

"Now I say you're beautiful. You have to choose what you think is right." She walked over to her CD player and said "You're not fat, but even if you were so what? I am and I managed to have three sons by my love before he was taken away." Taken away, she never told her what happened to Mr. Pinkney. All she knew was he did not die a natural death. She didn't ask for details because she never offered them, and she hated the sad look in her eyes when the subject came about.

The song came blasting through the speakers and she watched her mom sway her broad hips as she sang.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me!

You're perfect, you're perfect.

It was a song by Pink and her mom loved it. She sang it so much Kaleigha knew every word. As soon as she finished, she winked at her and said, " Now pay attention, love, you might learn something." She said that every time she was about to put a show on. Kaleigha rolled her eyes because she knew what was next. She tried ignoring her but it was impossible.

Yeah, my momma she told me don't worry about your size

She says, boys like a little more booty to hold at night

(That booty, booty, uh, that booty booty)

You know I won't be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll

So, if that's what you're into then go ahead and move along

She couldn't help it when she grabbed her arm. She giggled and jumped up, dancing around the living room with her. Happy as could be at that moment.

Why had someone snatched her away? If ever she found out who was responsible, she planned to snatch their f*****g hearts out! Oh snap, maybe it's not all on Azira, maybe some of it was her, she thought.

She heard Azira cough saying ‘FACTS!' Azira hissed 'get it together Boo.' She was pissed at her for ignoring her. There I go, referring to the voice in my head like a real person she thought. She took the pill bottle out of her pocket. 'No Kali please,' Azira begged! Kaleigha popped two instead of one pill. 'Fine be by yourself, see if I bother speaking to you again. You nobody ass bitch.'

Kaleigha gasped, man, sometimes Azira was just cruel, she thought to herself.

That was the last conversation they had. It was close to her 18th birthday. Mrs. Jene was so concerned around that time. She was nervous about her aging out and being on her own.

It would have been easier with Azira but she had to learn to cope with the world alone. Besides, she knew crazy people had a tendency to quit taking meds when they felt fine. The next thing you knew, they were found naked in a grocery store bathing in butter or something, not her. She didn't need anyone.

"f**k you!" She yelled to no one, as she was sitting on her front porch alone reminiscing on her past. Her body stiffened; someone was watching her from the shadows. She could sense it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood. She went into the house and locked all the windows and doors. Mrs. Jene hated the idea of her living on her Mom's property alone. She left the house to her. She split her money between her sons, but she wanted Kaleigha to have the house. She refused to leave because it was the only home she ever had. She heard something outside that sounded like animals. Wild dogs, maybe a bear. She went for Loreal’s gun case and took out her rifle. It was an awesome shot too. Years of practice. She had to admit being alone is scary. Even with all her fighting skills and holding a gun, something had her scared. Azira, she heard herself whisper, but there was no response. Crazy right, she couldn't even count on my own self-consciousness, she thought. She couldn't depend on herself. She could smell something odd. Like rotting meat almost. It was funky. She looked around for the source, then realized it was coming from outside. Then another thought occurred to me. Was the animal outside the same thing that attacked her mom? Anger overcame her and she rushed to the door, snatching it open. As soon as she saw movement, she fired. She heard whatever it was running away.

The next day, she found blood on the ground but nothing else.

Loreal was alone on the weekend. Her body was discovered by Mrs. Jene. She didn't know if things would have been different had she been there, but the thought was as recurring as her nightmares.

She tossed her purse in the passenger's seat of her rusted red 1997 Suzuki Sidekick and was on her way. She used to ride her bike back and forth between their home and the neighbors. As she got older, she preferred running it. She felt a little groggy due to changing her dosage and she called her therapist and told her, and she said she would schedule her for this week. Mr. Dolan had her on edge. Not sure why Azira was long gone. She guessed it was because she felt her wanting to snatch the life from him. Or was it her just blaming it on a voice, she thought. Yes, Azira was gone but she still felt something. She was getting older though. Maybe she was coming to terms with her past; these were her thoughts as she drove.

She looked over at her purse lying on the passenger's seat. Trying to feel around inside without taking her eyes off the road. It was still kind of dark. She had to leave her house early to get to work so her babies would have breakfast before school. She looked away for just a second and when she looked up there was a dog on the road. She hit the brakes and her jeep slid, running off the road and almost hitting a tree. Crap! She thought as she got out of her jeep to check out the damage. When she heard it whimpering, her heart dropped, "s**t!" It wasn't a dog but more like a puppy, it couldn't have been more than a year old. She knelt and put her hand out for it to smell. It was strange how it looked at her with its beautiful brown eyes, trust. First, she rubbed his head. She wanted to familiarize him with her touch. "It's okay, buddy, I'll take care of you." She lifted him up against her better judgment. Loreal had said never to touch a wounded animal. Even a friendly animal will snap when hurt. This little guy was just a baby. She couldn’t leave him hurt, wounded. She left a message for Mrs. Jene’s voice mail explaining what happened and headed to the local veterinarian.

She found her pills and popped one in her mouth. "Let's go, Buddy." She said to the pup in the passenger's seat. As she drove, she felt it again and the pup in her seat began to growl and bark as well. "You ever feel like someone is watching Buddy? I feel it all the time. It's kind of like that feeling you get when you're watching a scary movie and the girl is running to get away from her killer, then she slips and falls. You just know at that point it's over. She is so dead, ya know. I am not that girl Buddy. I really feel like the movie would have been cut way short because I don't think I would have run in the first place. I would have kicked the jerk's ass." She giggled and the pup barked at her in response. "I sure hope you are okay Buddy. I mean, I know we just met and everything, but I'm not interested in losing anyone. You look fine to me though. She reached over, rubbing him behind the ears. She turned on the radio and sang along to a song by artist Maxwell, A woman's worth, and as soon as it ended, she switched to the country station and sang along with Carrie Underwood, before he cheats. She had a love for different types of music that she picked up from Loreal. "Here we are, Buddy." She said as they pulled into the vet's office. Her jeep drove a little ragged, but they made it there, thanking the Goddess all the way.