A Thousand Rhapsodes

Chapter 1

It's already around 4 in the afternoon, I busied myself by doom scrolling putting all my focus on my phone. Thinking about it, it would seem like I have a lot of free time to waste, yet in truth I feel lazy to even rise from laying down in bed. Although I've done half of the activities I had for school but when I started to have migraine I opted to rest for a while. I don't want to force myself and finish the task if my brain is not willing to cooperate with me. Most of the time the result becomes tacky which only messes with my progress.

As I came across a feed full of art, I felt something in me risen, the longing anticipation I've long kept inside me. I always wanted to go to museums ever since I've known of it, and if only my parents weren't strict I've probably gone to all art museums there are.

I wish i could go around places I've always hoped to visit if only I can wander the same as others can, i would. There are things I sometimes cannot do, I'm not as free as my peers that's why I feel a bit of envy whenever I see people my age do the things of the same interests I have. They please themselves with the things that require money and freedom but not for my case. I had hoped to be just like them but then I refused to be someone I'm not especially to do something that's clearly unattainable for my current status, yes it may feel a little temptin but it is not something that can make me be fulfilled as a person right now, even if it's something I truly want.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I wasn't able to notice my mom's voice coming from downstairs, i hope i did not make her mad again this time. As soon as I heard her voice I responded with "I'm coming" I don't know the reason why she was looking for me but I think it is something important so I went down quickly to avoid getting scolded by her.

" Have you thought about what strand you will get for senior high already?, said my mom intently.

Honestly there is already a set goal for me to pursue but it wasn't practical and won't probably be approved by my parents. I mean it is understandable because of our current situation. My parents aren't that rich to provide for all our needs, it was even so hard for them to give us a better education to the point that they have to loan for money so they can send us to a private school.

That's why I have to think more than twice on which course I would pursue and what strand I would take since it is just a one way path after making the decision, because it will be my only chance to get us out of poverty. I'm thinking of getting ABM since it was what my mom has been suggesting all along, she wanted me to get accounting 'be practical' 'your uncle is an accountant and he makes so much money in that chosen work' as she always says.

I didn't say anything because I'm still not sure at all and 'til now I'm scared of what outcome I would make if ever I finalize my decision, cause honestly it is really something crucial.

But luckily my mom didn't say anything after not hearing any answers from me and just walked through, heading to our kitchen. I headed back to my room realizing that I needed to finish now all my school works before it reached its deadlines.

Everyday, I wake up, in the morning till before I sleep at night there are some things that would make me realize how life can be. As you grow older you would experience how life really is, there's no such thing called permanent and the amount of learning you have today can be doubled in the future days.

That is why I always remind myself to always think before doing something , especially things that may have a huge effect on me. With our current situation, I've already thought about so many possibilities, all the what ifs that can't be done because of the lack of capabilities. Even with that I haven't lost faith that someday I can make my dreams come true, something that makes me able to push forward even in the difficult times of my life.

I just finished cleaning our house but I still have so many things to do, it's almost 6 in the evening and my mom is close to getting home. I can't be seen untidy, with no bath yet by mom, she doesn't like it when I bathe late as it is not good for the health especially with the cold weather. And even though I can take a bath early I already got used to doing it late, it's hard to change my routine, and I also just really prefer it at night.

After taking a bath, i checked the things that need to be submitted on this day, I've procrastinated earlier because I'm really not feeling myself to do work in the morning since my energy really does start at night.

I completely know that my routine is not healthy especially since I will be in my senior year for the next school year and to have a cluttered schedule is totally not ideal.

Tons of notifications immediately pop up on my phone's screen after opening the wifi button. Some of them are from twitter and i********: but most of them are from messenger that are probably more from our friends group chat.

I don't usually check and open my social media accounts but when I do, it is only because I have to and most likely be related to my studies.

Floods of messages rushed in after I opened our friends group chat, their conversation had already reached a hundred, talking about different stuff like how their day has gone and so much more. Right after then my eyes spotted Isabel's message..

Sussie got the highest score from our batch

For sure she'll be the overall top student from our batch this school year.

I sigh. That's already expected that everyone has this encrypted in their mind already. It's not as if it's something surprising for her to be the top honestly. Besides her beauty, being an active student adds to it. Imagine even without effort to learn the subjects she's innately smart.

Something I wish I was.

Even. I tried to be positive, still the thought can't be washed down especially regarding what my final grade will be. I know for myself that I did my best, to achieve a high grade but I know it does not just depend on it. One thing is for sure it's up to the teacher how our grade will be in the end.

I fixated myself with the remaining tasks I have. Most of it is math related which I really suck at, especially to understand.

Even though I try to push myself to comprehend there's still some certain moment I fail to do so.

Tangled in a knot which I can't survive escaping, but still push myself to fight till the end even when I grew tired of fighting.

I just try to think to myself, I can do it, sometimes I can't say if I should have my attention to something so small of a problem, compared to what other people experience. But it's just that even when I tried I still get eaten by the thoughts that seem glued in me already. I wish I had a way to break free from these. If only I know how.