Days A.T.

Day 002 A.T.

If I get that pitiful look one more time, I’m going to pick a fight. Where will I go afterwards? I don’t know, nor do I really care. I just want out of this judgmental prison. So what if I’m homosexual?!? Nobody cares! Why do they need to do experiments on me like this is some type of cancer? They treat me like I have a deadly disease. Trying to look for a cure like I won’t be able to live a “normal” life with this “issue”.

Forget it. I remember what he used to tell me, “think of the water’s rainbow before attempting to shout over the sky’s thunder.”

Let me tell you, I think everyone should meet someone like him. Someone who shows you a part of the world which you never knew existed.

I remember him teaching me about how to ground myself. It was a few weeks into our friendship. He was preparing the shack for the upcoming storm.

——————

I had woken up in our room. He wasn’t there though, which was suspicious. He was always right by my side; humming a song while painting or cleaning up the room. It was lonely without him there. I never had explained to him why I had run away, nor had I explained why I didn’t trust people. However, him not being there made me want to tell him. I wanted him to know more about me.

I stretched and went through the routine of fixing up my side of the bed. I then exited the room to see that the living room was also empty, but clean. The living room is small with a mini table and a chess set on it. There was also a small little TV and a radio which he said he had found lying around just outside the woods.

The door opened and he walked through looking drained. His hair was plastered on his face and he was shirtless, using his shirt to dry his face. I smiled at him and waved, receiving the same action in return. I glanced behind him, only to find him pulling my arm and leading me outside. As mentioned before, we don’t always use words to talk so I assumed he was explaining my confusion on where he came from.

He led me through the woods, turned at the meet of the waterfall, and helped me up a hill pathway. Once we reached the peak, he sat down panting. I chuckled and sat next to him, patting his shoulder as if to say “take your time.”

Finally, he pointed up to the sky and that’s when I first noticed that dark clouds were arriving from the east. My eyes widened and I stood up in surprise. It looked like the upcoming clouds were blanketing over the horizon, covering up the utopia which I’d become accustomed to. The sight looked eerie yet beautiful.

He then stood up as well and smiled at me. I looked back at him and smiled as I felt my heartbeat quicken. This was the first time I realized that my feelings for him might be more than platonic. I looked back at the storm which slowly approached and next thing I know, all the truths came out. “It was my family… I ran because my family was going to send me to a mental facility because I’m gay.” His attentive gaze on me made me look away before I became flustered.

“They treated me like I had this disease and it got to such a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. My brother had exposed that I was gay to some of my classmates and I was shunned by everyone…” I drifted off as I noticed how, for the first time in a while, his silence scared me. A sense of dread filled me and I started ranting off about everything. “I got bullied, shunned, pushed away, kicked out of clubs, and the rumors were ridiculous!”

“Honestly, I’m so mad. I’m.. I’m furious!! It’s like they forgot that I’m human too… that I am still the me they’ve grown up getting to know. I just… ugh!” I pulled at my hair out of frustration, only to be tackled onto the ground. My eyes widened as I saw him on top of me, pinning my arms to my side. “Don’t pull at your hair! Ground yourself. Frustration doesn’t have to require a physical action for it to be released. Ground yourself.”

He then got off of me but his gaze was still observant as I sat up. I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck as I felt my ears burning. “Sorry,” I mumbled quietly. He sighed and turned to face the stormy horizon. “I understand your frustration, but never try and shout over the thunder. You’ll simply lose your voice way before something actually changes for your favor,” he said, his voice softly lulled over me as he lied on his back and looked up at the sky directly above us.

“Think of something that calms you first. Or something that makes you happy.” I frowned as I thought through the situation more. “Like the waterfall. Remember when we first exchanged words? That was when you truly began to trust me and let me help you. I took you out to the waterfall and showed you the rainbow. Think of that.” I looked at him to see him smiling as he reminisced that moment in time. I sighed and thought back to the waterfall. He had made me feel safe and had given me comfort without expecting anything from me in return. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve died.

I didn’t realize I was staring at him until he waved his hands in front of me. “You good? Hello? Anyone in there?” I laughed and grabbed his hands to stop his waving. “I’m good, don’t worry.” A flash of relief covered his face as he got up, me reflecting that action.

I then released his hands once I realized that I hadn’t let go. “Come on, let’s go back home now,” he said as he then turned and headed down the hill. I stayed back and patted my cheeks, which felt like they were on fire, before trailing behind him.

“Hey.. umm… Taeshik… can I ask you a quick question..?” I asked as I caught up to him. He simply hummed before pointing out a rock I was about to trip over. “So uh… you don’t hate me..? For being… you know…” He stopped once we reached the shack and turned to me. “I don’t care what you identify as or which gender you like. You’re Syumin and that’s all that matters.” I blushed and thanked him before walking into the shack in an attempt to hide my face.