Russian Alpha Queen

10

Showering with a broken leg was hard, but the bite marks on her arm had fully healed, leaving behind only minor scars. Still Mila frowned down at them, quickly finishing her shower and changing into a pair of black socks and black shorts before making her way to the bags and swapping her previously chosen t-shirt for a long sleeved one before climbing into bed. Tucked under her hospital bed sheet, laying in such a huge room in the dark, all the emotions she hadn't been able to feel for the last six years began to catch up with her. She'd had to turn them off to survive, otherwise she and her wolf would have surely gone insane at Ivan's hands.

Mila began sobbing like never before, the air catching in her throat making her struggle to breathe. At first, she cried for everything she'd lost - her parents, her friends, her pack, even her memories. Then she began to cry as she thought of how she'd let them down as well.

It had been, what, one full day after becoming Alpha? One full day and she ways already running around having fun, shopping and making friends. One f*****g day, and she had forgotten everything she had worked for; she had a mission and she just forgot about it, and it didn't even take an Alpha command.

She was a piece of s**t. What had she done to help her pack today besides the gift cards? f*****g gift cards wouldn't save their life in a fight. It wouldn't help her defend them from other Alphas coming in and literally taking over their minds. What had she done to improve herself to be worthy of them? What had she done to become the Alpha her parents would have been proud of?

Nothing, that's what.

"I'm a piece of s**t," Mila mumbled to herself. There was just too much emotion in that simple fact for her to contain it within her crowded thoughts.

"Mila, don't say that, please," her wolf begged from inside her mind. "You are strong! You became Alpha all on your own. You had no help, not even from your own wolf. You, and you alone are the Alpha to this pack. If anyone is to blame, it is I. I should have been there for you when you needed me and I was not. Perhaps if I had been stronger-"

"It's not you who needed to be stronger!" Mila yelled back at her. "I had six years to take back my pack. I waited six f*****g years, because I was a coward. And now I'm the coward who is responsible for two thousand people. Me, the coward who killed her own mother for Twin God's sake! All because I was too afraid too die. I failed them both, and now I'm failing my pack, so stop trying to take the blame to make me feel better," she snapped, pretending not to hear her wolf whimper as she closed off their mind link.

Here she was, supposedly the most badass wolf to ever live, the only female Alpha in history. She was the one who avenged her pack and was to kill all the evil Alphas in order to bring all these great changes across Russia and make a sanctuary for wolves everywhere? What kind of crap was she trying to feed these people?

She was a joke. How could she protect anyone if she couldn't even defend herself from one measly wolf, even when it was her life on the line? I don't deserve to be Alpha. The full confidence in that statement was enough to make Mila's wolf whine from somewhere in the back of her mind, but she pretended she didn't notice.

Mila laid there for a long time after that, her mind repeating her failures back at her.

You killed your own mother, then you waited so long to avenge your father

You couldn't even do it in a fair fight; you cheated in all of your fights

You're nothing but a con artist, it's pathetic

And you didn't even try to save your friend - because you're a coward

You're going to get everyone killed as Alpha...

Mila's thoughts continued swirling until the sun rose.

It wasn't until nobody had seen her by lunch time that anyone started to become concerned. Karine was the first to volunteer to go check on her, much to Zeno's dismay. It had already been late when she left his room, and he worried that all the information he'd dropped on her the night before had kept her awake even longer. Before he got a chance to speak up on her behalf however, his blonde friend was quickly bounding up the stairs. Confident she was just catching up on sleep, Zeno wasn't too concerned until Karine reappeared with sullen expression on her face, slumping into her previous seat and grumpily eating her cereal that had become just the right amount of soggy in her absence.

"She said she has to rest because her leg hurt." Karine grumbled after taking a bite.

"Did Dr. Morozova not give her anything for the pain?" Alexi asked as he slid into the seat next to his mate.

"She did, but we were walking around for like six or seven hours yesterday, and it is broken. Even with our healing, that's got to hurt and slow down the process. I'm really surprised she didn't say anything."

"It looked like you guys were having fun, she probably just wanted to enjoy it before we get to all the intense training. It sucks her first few days as Alpha have to start off with such a bad injury," Zeno chimed in. Karine turned his way, wearing an odd look on her face that he wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

"Yeah, I was really hoping she could hang out with us on our day off."

"Well why don't we all do something for her today then?" This time it was Lada who spoke up, brushing a strand of her black hair behind her ear. Her green eyes popped out from behind her glasses, and her freckles and beginning crows feet outlined them in that adorable, quirky aunt manner.

"What are you thinking, my dear?" Dimitri asked. He was the kind of man that gave off the ex biker who settled down vibe. Despite getting into his late thirties, he was still sporting plenty of muscle, and the way he carried himself made it clear that he was ready and knowledgeable on how to use it if needed. He and his mate contrasted each other perfectly, and simply watching him rub her arm gently made it clear to everyone in the room just how deep their love for one another ran.

"Why don't we make her a really nice meal? I'm sure it's been a long time since she's had one," Lada finished sadly. By now word had spread of everything their Alpha had been through as people began adding up the rumors and making a timeline. It was sickening to her group of friends, but they were glad the regular pack members at least had the decency to give her space to adjust to everything instead of bombarding her, as was the norm when getting a new Alpha.

"That would be great! What are you thinking?" Karine asked excitedly.

While the group downstairs debated over what to prepare their friend, the subject of conversation remained upstairs in her room. She was one of those people that couldn't go back to sleep after waking up, and she spent some time simply laying in there in a ball under her thin sheet.

Though her body was resting, her mind was not at ease. This morning's thoughts still plagued her, and she began feeling even worse having turned Karine away, making up an excuse about her leg. While it did hurt still, she had a stellar healing ability due to it's regular exercise so it wasn't anything she couldn't walk on. She could feel that the bone had already fused together, and merely kept the splint on to provide support as it thickened back to it's normal state.

"I'm a horrible Alpha," floated through her head again, and combined with the guilt she felt as her mind replayed Karine's face dropping as she shut the door, it finally dragged Mila out of feeling sorry for herself. She wasn't being a good Alpha, but it wasn't too late to start, she realized as she climbed out of bed.

Quickly getting to work, she pulled her long red hair into a ponytail, frowning down at her split ends. She would need a trim before she started interacting with the pack. Turning her focus back to her task, Mila started pulling all of her new clothes out of the avalanche of shopping bags, splitting the cold weather clothes into one walk in closet and the warmer weather or more interchangeable clothes into the other, then sorting them by outfit type, and then by color. Now that she had a space she could be proud of, she found herself wanting to keep it as neat and organized as possible.

Walking out of the closet, Mila sighed to herself as she thought of the emotion tornado she'd lived through the night before, and just how long she'd spent in bed. Storming over to the offending object, she angrily threw the hospital sheet off it, eagerly tossing it into a the trash bag she'd retrieved from another shopping bag. She didn't stop with the bedsheet and pulled the fitted sheet off as well. Grabbing the bulkiest of bags she'd bought over, she quickly set up her new bedding, threw away and replaced the pillows and their cases, and added a soft furry pillow for decoration and comfort.

It took her around an hour to finish setting up her bedroom and bathroom, though she'd still need to get some more furniture delivered. She still felt satisfied with the make over as she gave one last look around the bathroom. She'd selected a silver and blueish green theme, a pair of hand towels in the chosen color folded over a silver ring, the silver shower curtain reflecting light onto the wall art Karine had helped her select. A blue green rug laid in front of the shower with a longer matching one by the double sink. She'd placed a candle on the back of the toilet, and the plethora of makeup Karine had selected for her sat almost hidden on the corner of the counter space as Mila had no idea how to use it. She'd been a huge tom boy before everything had gone down six years ago, so most girly things were completely foreign to her.

Turning off the light and shutting the door behind her, Mila smiled as she looked at her bedroom, ecstatic with the results. She'd kept the blue theme, this time going with a light blue and gold tint instead. Her thick bedspread looked so warm, and was white with a blue and gold geode pattern on it, lined with white sheets that had stripes of gold diamonds and patterns running up and down. A huge blue, black, and gold patterned rug laid under her bed and drawing the eye towards the center of the room. Smaller prints of geometric shapes combined with forest animals inside them were tastefully splattered along the walls, the dark blue tones contrasting nicely against the white backdrop. She'd placed a large aloe vera plant by the triple windows, and stood back to eye the area as she continued the mental debate between getting a desk or a vanity as Karine had suggested.

Deciding she could make her finishing touches later, Mila made her way to her cold weather closet, glad her leg had healed enough that she could wear pants today. While it was starting to get towards the middle of spring, it was still cold in the Northern region where the pack resided, and the shorts she'd been wearing the past two days had provided her little to no comfort. Changing into some black jeans, a long purple sweater, a dark grey cardigan, a black beanie and socks, as well as her fur lined black boots, Mila's mood dampened a bit as she thought about her actions the night before. Cleaning her room was a start, but there was more she needed to do to start stepping up. She needed to show her pack she was there for them, and she knew exactly where to start.

"Hey, I'm so sorry..." Mila started through the mind link, sincerity vibrating between them as she spoke. "I was so upset at myself last night, and I took it out on you, and that was wrong."

"It's alright Mila, I know you're just under a lot of pressure right now. You've had a lot to deal with on your own and I'm so sorry for that. I should have been there for you and I wasn't. But if you'll let me, I'd like to be here for you now, any time you need Alpha." her wolf responded.

Mila shook her head as she began making her way out of the room, her arms almost bending under all the trash bags she'd filled up. "It wasn't alright. It was terrible of me, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise you. And please, you only ever need to call me Mila, you're my other half, not just a random pack member."

Mila's wolf purred in response, yipping excitedly as things were all made up between the two. Mila waddled down the hallway, hoping their weren't any small children in her way as she'd surly run them over, not having more than half an eyeball's worth of space to see out of among the space suit of trash bags that had enveloped her.

"Do you need some help?" Mila gasped in shock at the sudden voice, almost falling over as her surprised jolt had set off her center of gravity. Warm hands quickly wrapped around the tops of her arms, and she frantically looked around to see who was holding her, but her hobo Santa costume made that impossible. "It's alright, it's me," Zeno's voice came in her head this time. She wasn't sure how she hadn't recognized his voice, but relief washed over Mila's initial fright as he started taking bags from her.

The two made their way downstairs, the sound of laughter paired with bangs and clattering at random intervals filtering into Mila's ears from the kitchen. "It sounds like they're having fun," Mila remarked with a smile. Karine had informed her the night before that Sundays were usually days off for the pack, with the exception of patrols. Mila had decided to honor that, as she didn't want to overwhelm the pack with changes right now, and it seemed to be good for morale.

After taking the trash out with Zeno, Mila was surprised to see Karine waiting by the front door for the pair, excitedly bouncing in place, her eyes wide and following them. "What's going on with you?" Mila asked.

"I have a surprise for you!" Karine almost shouted, excitedly grabbing Mila's hand. "But I have to cover your eyes, so no peaking," she warned, waving an accusatory finger in her friend's face. Mila held her free hand up in defense.

"Who me? I would never," she laughed, dutifully closing her eyes as Karine shot her a playfully mad look. Karine's hands covered her face as she felt herself be guided into a room that smelled delicious. She started to feel a little nervous as she thought of all the laughing she'd heard from in here before. Had they done something to it? Mila waved the thought off. Karine was her friend, she didn't think she'd have a reason to do something to her, and it would be stupid of her to do so anyway with Mila being Alpha.

Suddenly Karine's hands were gone from her face, and Mila opened her eyes as an orchestra of voices filled her ears.

"SURPRISE!"