Taking Time

Closing Time

    "Twenty more minutes", I mumbled as I watched as the clock on the bottom right hand of my computer screen ticked, filled with anxiety. Twenty more minutes until the work day was through and everyone got to go home. Twenty more minutes until I had to go to a place that my coworkers could only imagine in their darkest nightmares.

    I was new here again. The more my coworkers got to know me, they found that I kept to myself and got as much work done as possible. They didn't realize that work was my escape, and I would keep myself busy in order to stay as long as possible. They didn't know me yet as the frail looking girl that comes in covered in bruises claiming she fell. And once they did know me as such, it was time to put in my two week notice.

    But I liked it here so far. It was a blessing that I was allowed to get another job at all.

    My coworkers were helpful, but never really attempted to make any form of relationship with me, I never let them. I never let anyone build any kind of relationship with me. 

   As I began to pack up for the last ten minutes, I reflected on my first day here when Mira, the woman who used the cubicle across from mine, offered to walk me to my car after our shift. I had decided we could walk to the building's lobby together, but I would then explain how I wait there for my husband to pick me up. Surely it wouldn't be detrimental to walk to the lobby with a new coworker. It was though. I hadn't realized that Mira was friends with half the girls in the office, and leaving work together was as crucial as going to the bathroom together. I didn't know how to distance myself from the infectious group who basically dragged me outside to get a walking taco from the food stand outside our building. 

    "You just have to try one! They're just different here, I promise!", Mira's friend Dani exclaimed with enthusiasm that seemed to carry me to the cart with them.

    "Yes! That way, we can wait with you until your hubby gets here.", Baleigh added cheerfully.

    "That's really sweet of you guys. I've never tried a walking taco before.", I added. I tried to seem as casual as I could. 

    As much as I wished I could stay and feel normal with these girls, I knew I couldn't. If Derek saw me with these women, I was going to be punished for making friends. I waited in line with the girls, craving normalcy. I was slick in letting each of them cut in front of me as I had no intentions of making a purchase, though. When I spotted Derek's car, I gave him a wave and a smile that probably looked more like a grimace. A lame attempt at hiding my true emotions from the girls that I could never call friends.  

    Mira was a bold woman. I would have liked her had she not been the reason for my beating that night. Mira had seen my wave in the cars direction. 

    "Is that your husband?", she asked innocently as she waved at the car that I had waved to, smiling from ear to ear. Such a bubbly girl, nice, but unaware that her genuine intentions had painful consequences. 

    "That's him", I replied dryly without looking at her. I walked away without turning to say goodbye or thank them for walking with me. 

    He was careful that night to leave bruises only where my clothes would be certain to cover.  

    This time, I wouldn't get off so easy. 

    With my last five minutes of freedom, I remembered that crippling night and compared it to how he might intensify it tonight. I wasn't sure he would care to keep my face intact. I wasn't sure if I'd be returning to work tomorrow. I f****d up this morning, and I knew that when I got home today, I would receive a beating far worse than I had ever received before. 

    I had woken up later than I would have liked to. I rushed to get dressed. My bladder would have exploded if I had waited any longer, so that was also where I brushed my hair and teeth, then I half-ran to the kitchen. I decided to skip my cereal while I poured his, then turned to grab his coffee that I bring to wake him up with. 

    I felt dizzy. 

    I forgot to hit the button to start his coffee before I used the bathroom. 

    How was I going to wake him without his coffee? Last time I did that, Derek didn't let me have food or water the following Saturday or Sunday. Why should I get what I need when he can't get what he needs, right? 

    My stomach dropped as I stared at the empty, stained, coffee mug. When I thought of the beating I would get for this, a wave of nausea hit. 

    A wave. 

    Mira's boldness had penetrated my thoughts just then. She was truly an all around inspiration. In another life, I feel that I could have been more like her, friends with her. I decided that I would be bold like her this morning. It may be the the last thing I do, I thought. But I gathered my work bag and walked out into the early rain and made my way to the bus stop. I didn't bother to wake Derek. I wanted to escape the morning abuse and go to work for one last day, to live for one last normal work day, and to metaphorically say goodbye to Mira, the woman that I could never call my friend. 

    "Wow, five o'clock, finally.", Mira said as she stood up and peeped over our partition, pulling me out of my day dream. She was waiting to see if I would respond. 

    When I accidentally met her gaze, I awkwardly responded, "Closing time, I guess."

    She gave me a warmer than necessary smile.

    "Hey, Monika?", she asked.

    "What's up?", I had to smile back.

    "I just wanted to let you know that some of the girls here in the office and I all leave together on Thursday to go to the Grey Duck for happy hour. We'd be really happy for you to come on of these weeks.", she said with trust in her eyes. My mind could have been playing tricks on me, but her I felt her expression said Take My Hand.

    How I wished to even know if I would make it to Thursday.

    "That sounds like a nice time, I'll let you know if I'll be able to make it.", I replied as casually as I could.

    "Oh, ok, yeah! Whatever works for you", she answered, sounding as if she didn't want to push for further details. Did she already have a clue as to what I was going through? Was she as smart as she was bold? I remember how she waved to Derek. No. She couldn't be that smart. 

    With one last warm smile, she made her way over to Dani's cubical and a group of them headed for the elevators. 

    I had gathered my belongings back into my work bag and checked my phone one more time. There was still only one message. All of my messages came from the same person. 

    "5"

    That was all he sent. It was enough to make my ears ring. Around ten am, about two hours after he should have woken up, he texted me "5" letting me know he would see me at 5 o'clock. There was no reason to try to bus home, or even take a bus anywhere for that matter. Derek knew already that I had gone to work. I couldn't defy him any further this morning than I already had. He didn't need to worry about me running away. He always found me. The GPS tracker in my phone would have been enough, but Derek was also your neighborhood friendly closet wife beater. Everyone knew Derek to be a wonderful, sweet, and helpful man. No one ever suspected a thing. And when they did, it was time to move again. 

    His nearly wordless text was enough to let me know that I was in for it. If I wasn't there at 5 at the curb waiting for him, well, I didn't want to think of the consequences anymore. I stepped off the elevator and crossed the lobby. The rain had stopped just long enough for the pavement to begin drying, so I hung my raincoat on my arm, clutching the fabric so tight in my fists that my nails would have drawn blood, had he allowed me to grow my nails out.

    I spotted his car. My mouth went dry. 

    "f**k", I muttered to myself when I saw that he was waiting. He was standing outside next to my door, opening it for me with a huge, friendly, terrifying smile. He was putting on a show. Diverting any suspicion from him over what was about to become of me. I knew I was dead.   

    "Well, it was a good run", I muttered to myself. I had a great day honestly. My defiant display this morning gave me an adrenaline rush, my work related conversations kept me distracted from my inevitable future, and Mira had invited me to go get drinks, not that I'd be able to anyway, but it's the thought that counts. Somehow, the events leading up to this put me at peace. 

    I think I just didn't want to play cat and mouse any more. 

    I think I just wanted to get this over with.