FORCED TO REFORM

CHAPTER FOUR

"Is there anything you would love to tell us..?", The question came again. This time, my father asked me with an authentic smile on his face, unlike my mother.

I had to smile back at him, and then slowly look at my mother. She acted like she knew something or maybe she wanted me to spill the beans about something meant only for me.

I had secrets, and surely I didn't keep any of them away from them, and most of the time, their advice and words of wisdom did pay off in relieving me of my burdens and worries.

But what about now..? How would I find the mettle to tell them that twice within the space of barely three hours, I've had intimate moments with a man I barely know, all of which happened in my subconscious?

And because of the fact that my mother's smile and wink was too leery, I was compelled to believe that what I feared had surely come upon me.

Possibly she heard me moaning, or maybe she watched the way my body moved under the duvet, or perhaps she noticed the incessant smile and chuckles I released while I was in bed, probably due to the tickles I got when this strange man licked my belly button.

Even while I thought of the things which made me worry about my mother's doubtful attitude, I still had goosebumps all round my body, one which rekindled the erotic fire in me, and caused me to crave for a short trance about it

How I would love it if I could have just fallen to the ground, talking about that fine man, but back to reality, both my parents have their ears itching to hear something they were not permitted to hear.

I shook my head with a nervous feeling, and my nose which happened to enjoy the sweet aroma of the delicious food in front of me ceased to function in a strange way, and my hands were becoming more sweaty than ever.

It was as though the palms of my hands were like Brooklyn water in large amount and not seeming to end, and all I could do was put them under the table, on my thighs, while I waited for my parents to speak a word to me..

"Are you sure..?", My mother asked again, smiling from ear to ear, and then she asked again, "Nothing you wanna tell us?"

Why was she asking in anyway? Why was she so concerned about a dream she wasn't sure I even had? This was the first time in my entire existence my mother asked about my dreams, and it got weird anytime she asked.

"Nothing..", I managed to say, "Nothing happened, just a plain cold night". I stressed again, the entire environment became unconductive, like as though one had turned on the heat of the entire world on just my body.

"Okay..", that was all my mother said as she continued with her meal.

What was that? Something strange was happening since nighttime and now my parents, my mother to be specific, were making it look strange as the minutes passed.

My hands became dry, just like magic, and I immediately found the boldness to continue with my meal before I left for school. I only wish that the weird moment wouldn't also affect my taste buds to recognize sweetness in the meal.

While I continued with my meal, all thanks to the moon goddess, my brain had also acknowledged the sweet taste of the eggs, and so I was still eating gracefully. My mom had reminded me of something very important..

"Hey honey..", not again, I said to myself as I groaned within myself, and then rolling my eyes, I stared at her again.

"You gotta come home early today", she said as she paused to take a bite out of the meal she had placed in her fork, and then waited a bit to swallow it before she continued her statement.

"Remember you have to prepare for the Bar Mitzvah that's happening tonight", she said again, grabbing the glass on the table and drinking the orange juice which she had prepared with her hands.

I stopped for a moment, the silence in the room was a grave one as anyone would have been able to detect a dropping needle.

My eyes were widened with the realization of what my mother had said, and just then I couldn't find the appetite to eat again..

The Bar Mitzvah, I had completely forgotten about that.

The Bar Mitzvah, though the name sounded quite strange to me the first time I heard of it, was an annual occasion held in the pack for the eighteen-year-old wolves.

During the occasion, here, their wolves would be summoned publicly to the eyes of the people, to all who would gather to watch the event and at that point, if found lucky or worthy, there was a possibility one would find his or her mate at the event.

But of what use is the bar mitzvah to me when my fate has already been decided by the moon goddess? Of what use is the celebration to me now that I've already accepted that fate, holding it dear to my heart?

I was born without any wolves. The doctor had told my parents i didn't give out a certain aura they needed to ascertain the presence of my wolf, and my parents held that closely to their hearts and decided to unveil the secret to me when I was much older.

I remember when they called me to themselves. I was probably seven at that young age. I felt scared and troubled when i saw them lock the doors and the windows.

I felt as though we were attacked, my little self already panicking, as I felt something bad would happen to myself and my parents..

I watched as my parents dragged me closer to themselves and told me about the absence of the wolf within me...

"Ashley.. we need to tell you something", my father said while they crouched down to my height, stroking my hair down with their hands as they whispered some words to me.

"Are we in trouble Daddy..?", I remembered the exact words I said, the same way I felt that day, and the look in my parents' eyes, their eyes reflected concern, care, and most of all, love.

"Oh no dear.", My mother said as her soft palm touched my cheeks and made my face feel warm.

At that age, I never understood why they had to close the door and the windows when they had just told me we weren't in any form of trouble.

"We have something to tell you, promise us you won't tell anyone about this...", My father spoke to me in the softest voice ever, stopping having his eyes on me and on the door.

"What is it daddy?", I asked in my own little voice, my heart still pounding against my chest while I tried to reason out what happened in my little mind..

"You know as werewolves, we have wolves within us. They are like our second self, and everyone who lives in the pack has these wolves inside them, but... Ashley.. you don't have any", my mother told me in her cracky voice.

She sounded like tears were about to fall down her eyes, and while she spoke, my little heart got broken by the way she spoke, and i already had a drop of tears rolling down my left eye.

"Mummy, I don't understand", I said, and really, being so young, my little brain couldn't comprehend what she said, how her words concerned me, what she meant by I didn't have a wolf within me.

"I know dear", my father, who stood by my left, said to me again, forcing me to move my gaze away from my mother to my father.

"But someday you will understand what we're telling you..", my father said again, "But promise me you will not tell anyone about this, ever."

He held my hand in his, his large hand covering mine, making me feel a bit secure with him, stroking my hair while I felt so moody.

"What will happen if I tell anyone daddy?", I asked inquisitively. I needed to know why people shouldn't really know about this but "secret" they told me.

"Don't you do such dear..", my mom answered with a slightly harsh tone, scaring the wits out of me.

"But why.?", Her answer to my question gave me more reasons to ask and question why that was something that seemed risky..

"Because if you do, they either kill you, or they'll send you far away from here, far away from us", my father answered.

It sounded more haunting to me than what I imagined, and I for some seconds thought about myself being killed or going far away from my parents, wondering how I would ever survive.

"I don't wanna go away dad. ", I said as I had tears rolling down my eyes, my emotions and my fears had defeated my tiny efforts and so, I cried all my fears right in front of them

"Don't worry, you won't..", my father assured me as he drew me closer to himself and hugged me deeply, my mother joining the hug as both their bodies created a warmth within me.

Now the years had gone by, and what I feared had surely come upon me, my fears had been rekindled, and I asked within, what would happen if they found out I was wolfless?

What would be my fate?