UN-BROKEN

BROKEN BUT NOT ALONE

The drive home felt longer than usual, the streets of Victoria Island were nearly empty. I gripped the steering wheel harder and drove faster. The city lights blurred past. My mind was somewhere else replaying all the experiences we shared together. It kept replaying his words, over and over as if still digesting them.

“We’ve tried our best to make this work.”

Had we? Had I? Maybe I had been too blind, too hopeful, refusing to see the signs. I swallowed hard, blinking back the tears forcing their way out. My heart felt heavy, chest tight like I was drowning in emotions I didn’t want to name.

I stopped at a red light, my hands trembling as I reached for the car radio, needing something anything to fill my mind and get my mind off the situation. Music filled the car, soft and familiar and my stomach dropped.

It was our song.

I turned it off, tears began flowing uncontrollably. Even the world was mocking me tonight.

By the time I reached my apartment, exhaustion weighed me down. I barely remembered unlocking the door and stepping into the dimly lit space that felt too big, too empty. The necklace around me suddenly felt too tight and suffocating. I removed it with trembling fingers and set it on the coffee table, it made me remember the broken relationship. My eyes looked around the room, landing on things that carried traces of him.

His hoodie was hung over my couch, I had worn it before I went for the break-up dinner. His toothbrush still sat with mine in the bathroom, it was our ritual to leave a pair of toothbrush in each other’s apartment. I stood for a moment, staring, trying not to break into uncontrollable tears. The lump in my throat grew heavier, threatening to shatter me. I walked into my bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, pulling my knees to my chest. My phone was still in my hand. I opened our chats and started scrolling through old messages.

The late-night texts. The good mornings and goodnights. All gone.

I started typing Tayo please…. but my fingers froze. I exhaled sharply, deleting the words. No, I wouldn’t beg. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing I was drowning in this heartbreak. A soft sob escaped from my lips and before I could stop it the tears came out harshly. It spilled freely, soaking my pillows as my body trembled with grief.

Then my phone rang, bringing me back to reality. I had thought it was Tayo, hoping probably he changed his mind. I wiped my eyes quickly and glanced at the screen, it was Zoe.

“How was the date? Hope it went well? Hope you both were able to settle your differences?”

she asked. I hesitated. If I answered, she would hear the tears in my voice, the pain I was desperately trying to hide. But ignoring her wasn’t an option, I inhaled deeply.

“Babe what’s wrong? Her voice showed concern, I didn’t know when I started to cry.

“He broke up with me,” I whispered.

“Oh my! Why would he do such a thing, after these years of dating” she said sounding angry

“I don’t know, he said we have tried our best to make this work like as if it was just one common assignment or something,” I said sniffing back my tears.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry about this, it’s quite late now. I promise to drop by first thing tomorrow morning babe. Please don’t cry. Freshen up and try getting some sleep.” she said sadly.

“Okay, thank you so much,” I said wiping my eyes and hanging up the call.

My eyes landed on the nightstand, where a small, folded note showed in the drawer. I knew what it was. Our first anniversary card. I unfolded it gently my heart broke seeing his handwriting.

To my best friend, my peace, my love. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’ll spend forever making sure you know how much I love you.

A shaky breath left my lips. I remembered the night he gave it to me, the way he had held me close, whispering those words against my ear. The way we had laughed, made promises and dreamed of forever. How quickly forever had turned to nothing.

I stood up and slipped the gown off my body. Laughing bitterly at the fact I thought I wore it for a romantic reconciliation. I stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting the cold water wash away my tears and hoping it would also wash away every memories I shared with Tayo. At that moment I came to a conclusion. No more love. No more heartbreak. If love had taught me anything, it was that I didn’t need it.

⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕

I woke up the following morning with a banging headache. The events of last night came back to me abruptly reminding me of my sadness. Before I could wallow in my pain, I heard a loud knock on my door followed by the buzz of my phone. It was a message from Becca: Open your door. Now.

I barely had time to process my thoughts before a sharp knocked followed. I wiped my face and stood, forcing my legs to move. When I opened the door, Zoe and Becca stood there, their expression a mixture of worry and determination.

“You didn’t think we would let you wallow alone, did you?” Becca said pulling me into a hug. She was carrying a plastic bag filled with food containers.

“Emergency heartbreak survival kit,” Zoe announced carrying a bag containing suya and a bottle of wine.

I managed a weak smile as she pulled me into a tight hug. For the first time after the breakup, I let myself sink into the comfort of someone who wasn’t leaving.

“We’re going to cry, eat, drink, and then we’ll figure out what’s next,” she said leading me to the couch.

“I suspected it, but I just wanted to be positive when you told me you both were to see during dinner, I’m so sorry babe,” Becca said patting my back.

“Can you believe he said we’ve tried our best after 3 f*****g years of dating,” I said bitterly.

“Just forget him babe. How are you feeling?” Zoe asked.

“I—”

“Just let it all out, let it all out,” Becca said.

And just like that, the dam broke. A sob tore through me, then another, and before I knew it, I was crying into Zoe’s shoulder while Becca handed me tissues and cursed Tayo under her breath.

“I don’t even know how to feel,” I admitted. “It’s like…I should have seen it coming but I didn’t want to believe it.

Becca opened the food flask and handed it to me. “Eat first. Then we’ll analyse”.

As I picked at the food, the warmth of my friends’ presence filled the room, making the heartbreak a little less unbearable. The pain was still there, sharp and unyielding, but at least, I wasn’t alone. And for now, that was enough.

“Look Olivia, I’m quite sure Tayo is not the man for you. It’s quite sad it had to happen this way but its best it happened now and not you when you both get married,” Becca say.

“Right? I really was rooting for them, I was even hoping after my wedding I’d attend yours but that stupid Tayo had to ruin everything,” Zoe say.

“Well I guess no marriage for me at the main time. My mother is going to nag my head over this,” I said laughing softly.

“It is better it ended now, than a failed marriage which will lead to divorce along the line” Becca say. We all sighed and continued eating for a while, talking and teasing ourselves as we do so.

“I’d soon start heading out. The wedding planner wants to show me the halls and pitch in some of its design to me” Zoe says.

“That’s so sweet our soon-to-be bride” Becca says.

“Would have love to join you in this Zoe but I look like s**t at the moment” Olivia says.

“I understand boo, that’s why I’m not chewing your head off” Zoe says and we all laugh. We talk for a while before I see my two friends off.

I’m all alone again, I shut off every thoughts about Tayo from my mind. I clean up the house, do the dishes, throw out all the properties belonging to Tayo except his hoodie and do the laundry. I’m on my airpods listening to sweet Naija hip-hop vibes. It takes me some hours to complete. After that I head to the shower still listening to the cool jams. I carry out my skincare routine and change my almost finished scented candles to a new one. I look around the house and feel so proud of myself for a job well done. I head to my bedroom and start working on my laptop. I have emails from my company, client to respond to and excel models to work on.

I stare at the excel sheet on my screen, running through valuation models for a capital raise. I have been working for a while on these, the numbers blur for a while but I just have to finish working on these before the presentation and conference meeting on Monday with the new client. My phone begins to buzz. I pick it up and guess whose caller ID I see, f*****g Tayo.