Gone After the Wind

46

Chapter Forty-six

           "HOW MANY lies should I find out by myself before you could tell me the whole truth, Alex?" Cara sneered as soon as she saw the window of opportunity to open that exhausting topic.

           The ten minutes drive from Mitchell Bryers' house had been a torment to Cara. As much as she wanted to start her lamenting right away after they had left, she still gave Alex a chance to explain himself so the punishment and their pending discussion wouldn't be in a total chaos. His defiance to her rules had indicated that their relationship had gotten worse. She was wrong to think that somehow, it developed and grew into something compassionate and sympathetic. The two months they had spent together in the same house should be enough to draw their hearts closer and mend their bond. But now, Cara realized that changes don't just happen because the time continously grow. One's effort and determination to overcome the past life are still the key to achieve desired changes.

           In their case, Cara had failed to show Alex her overflowing love for him as his mother. She didn't try hard enough. She settled for something that she thought was sufficient for them both. She could've done better but she didn't make an effort to do so. Once again, she neglected the attention he deserved from her.

           And for Alex, he chose to be oblivious to Cara's efforts. It was impossible for him not to see her earnest actions to patch things up between them. He still broke her trust—the only thing that Cara leaned on to avoid the expansion of the rift in their relationship.

           "What were you thinking?!" she continued. "I never prohibited you to make friends with anyone, Alex! You know very well that you have my support on anything you'd do and I never question any of your choices even though my job as your mother requires me to! I'm doing all I can to support us both and this is what I get in return?!"

           Alex heaved a shaky sigh. He was clasping his hands together atop of his lap. Cara could tell how nervous and tense he was on his seat. "I was going to tell you about it, Mom. You just got first—"

           "When?!" Cara shouted, unable to control herself. "After you get escorted by a cop from our house?! Or after I get a call that my dear son has been involved with drugs?!"

           "No... that's not it, Mom. Please, don't get the wrong idea and hear me out—"

           "Hear you out?" Cara scoffed, barely glancing at him as they entered the familiar street leading to their house. "I've doing that since the very beginning of the changes in our lives! But you, you keep feeding me with these lies and deception—"

           She was cut off by Alex's tired groan. She pulled off on their driveway. "Jesus, Mom! You're overreacting! You haven't heard a single thing from my explanation and you're already convinced that I did something very illegal!" he retorted back and opened the door of the car. He was fast to remove himself from his seat, Cara didn't have the chance to spill out something that would contradict what he said.

           Cara immediately unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbing the keys from the ignition and pushing herself out of the car. "Well if I didn't discover your little activities, no one knows what you could do to, young man!" she shouted as she followed behind Alex who was half-running inside.

           "Think what you what to think, Mom. I'm not going to talk to you," Alex murmured as he removed his shoes and kicking it on the near the main door.

           "We're finalizing this discussion tonight. No more run and chase, Alex," Cara said firmly when she entered, not even bothering to take her shoes off. She stood at the living room, watching him with authority as he spun around her to probably say something. 

           "Discussion? Or your delusional speculations so I will become the bad guy here? That's what you're always doing, right, Mom? Suspect and accuse. Now I don't have to be skeptical why you became a cop and why you lost it on the way," he said sarcastically.

           Cara's mouth gaped open, her heart sinking deep like a boat that crashed on a big iceberg. The draining intenseful emotions she had earlier came back to her like boomerang, hitting her straight in her senses. The bile on her throat became noticeable and her eyes welled with tears.

           "That's your whole idea of this?" she asked weakly. "You think I'm criticizing of your wrongdoings because I want to take revenge on you? Hasn't it ever occurred to you that I'm just being extremely worried what would happen to you if things get out of hand? Didn't you even think that I'm only doing my job as your mother? To put you back on the right path where you actually deserve to be?"

           Alex swallowed hard. He shook his head. "T-That's not what I meant—"

           "Then what's the point of all of this?" Cara asked, advancing a step towards him. "Why did you do those things? Why are you rebelling again? And most importantly... why are you being hard to me?"

           A teardrop escaped Alex's eyes in which he immediately wiped off. From the guilty expression he had earlier, it was replaced by a flash of determination. "I'm not rebelling."

           "What do you call all of these, then?" Cara asked, her patience growing thin the more Alex refused to acknowledge his mistakes. "Just the most fun part of your teenage life?!"

           "No, it's not!"

           "Convinced me that it isn't! You were involved with dangerous kids that could easily pull off a crime. You went astray of your studies and you hid all of these things to me! How could you tell that this is not some form of rebellion?!" 

           "Just let me finish, Mom. I'm trying to explain—"

           "Are you? Really? Or am I just going to witness another sarcastic side of yours first before we could get to the bottom of this—"

           "I was only hanging out with them because of you!" Alex shouted that stalled Cara a bit.

           She looked at him, flabbergasted.

           "I'm using them to investigate Dad's death!" Alex continued. Cara eye's widened. "Because clearly, you're not doing anything to bring the justice for him!"

           "W-What? I'm not doing anything...?" Cara echoed. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

           "Yes!" Alex shouted. His face flushed in red. "Because you're useless and pathetic! You couldn't catch the guy who did it—"

           A deafening slap landed on his right cheek before he could even finish his sentence. Cara advanced very fast that he did not see it coming. He looked shocked as his palm grazed on where it landed. His head were still tilted but given that, Cara could see the tears streaming down on his pale face.

           "If I was doing nothing, I would've ended myself right after he died! But I didn't! Because I want to keep you safe until you grow up and make sure that he will receive the justice that has been long overdue!" Cara shouted, her tears bursted the moment she uttered the last word.

           A soft sob came out from Alex's mouth and Cara's heart clenched more as she watched him breaking down. The stubborness has disappeared and Cara felt like she was looking at the five-year-old Alex who had his first outburst because of an ice cream. The walls of her heart clenched and the guilt that was only poking her earlier had now embraced her completely.

           "Alex..." she softly called, her hands about to reach him when he turned his back and sprinted towards the staircase. His heavy footsteps harmonized with the faint sobs he was making. Shutting her eyes tightly, Cara reached for the wall and leaned on it, her body felt shrinking.

           She found herself sobbing after she just realized what she did. The hatred that was supposed to be directed to Alex had shifted on herself now. She knew what she had done couldn't be revoked no matter how much sincerity she would express. The damage had been made. Her choice now is to face the consequences and she wasn't sure if she would ever succeed on that.

           Now, you've done it, Cara. You may have not lost him through dangerous way but you've clearly gave him the reasons to kick you out of his life.

           "Ma'am Cara?"  

           Cara didn't make any movement despite the arrival of Nana Ryla. She remained standing against the wall, her palms covering her face. When she heard her approaching steps from the foyer, she immediately stood straight and wiped her cheeks.

           "I-I'm here," she croaked, wiping her nose for the last time and watched Nana Ryla approach the living room. She was carrying two paperbags and although it seemed heavy, Cara didn't make any move to help her. She didn't want her to see the remnants of the discussion earlier.

           "Is... everything fine?" she asked.

           Cara nodded, putting up a smile despite the soreness of her eyes and the dryness of her throat. "Yeah, we just had a little fight."

           Nana Ryla nodded, skeptical and her face produced worriedness. She glanced above the ceiling where Alex's room was located. "Do you want me to cook something warm for you both?"

           "No, I'll be leaving actually. But Alex would love that." Cara fished out her keys from her pocket and started walking towards the door.

           "Where are you going? Not gonna stay for dinner?"

           "I'll be late. I'm not sure I could even make it home." Cara faced her completely when she was about to reach for the door. "Could you keep an eye on him while I'm gone? Our fight was a total mess so he might lock himself up in his room again. I don't want him to get hungry and all."

           "Certainly will."

           With that being settled, she twisted the door knob and pushed it open. She ran on the small stairs on the porch with the afternoon sun conquering the whole sky. She got inside the car but she didn't start its engine rightaway. Her mind flew back to her argument with Alex and between all of the hurtful things he said, the one with Marco drilled into the walls of her memory completely. Even if it was severely offending and unpleasant to have in mind, she couldn't feel the same dreadful emotions anymore. Only a bit but her determination to make it wrong had slowly overpowered it.

           Despite the saying that 'truth actually hurts', a part of her believes that Alex is wrong. She's not being useless and pathetic. In fact, she had done enough to unravel the mysteries of the current case. It may not actually progressing Marco's case but deep inside her knew she must take care of it first. After all, this is the only case that has obvious connection with his murder and Marco might've been lived if she didn't encounter this.

           She took a deep breath, taking all what happened in a rational view. As she slowly study herself, she realized that this isn't the time to sulk and regret of what happened. Now that she's getting near of closing the curtains for this killer, she wouldn't let herself be intimidated by those problems.

She was wrong to let her emotions drive her there. Alex was trying to explain himself but she rejected each occasion he had tried. He was just a kid who got lost because of the murder of his father. And Cara knew they share the same state. Drifting apart must be the last thing on their list. That's why she came to the conclusion that she would apologize to Alex and work things out between them. Their argument was a clear indicator of the things she must focus on in order to gain his trust again.

           But first, she must pay someone a visit. If she's now ready to explore the bottom of the crack in their relationship, she must also prepare to face the nastiest part of her investigation. And that is to question the only man that Cara would never forgive for lying: Senator Meredith.