Gone After the Wind

Chapter 7: Decision

Under the glowing moon, Cara found herself walking in a dark, foggy forest, trailing a direction that wasn't clear but disturbingly familiar. Deep down inside of her heaving chest, something was burning uncontrollably, the heat spread all throughout the inner walls of her body. Despite the chilling air, she could feel it in her veins, prickling as though it was a group of ants crawling beneath. She knew that was the reason why she was here; to seek justice that has been overdue for a very long period. She had been waiting for this opportunity, the only surviving chance to finally end the nightmare that haunted her for months.

As she went further and deeper to the heart of this thick-wooded forest, she finally saw something distinguishable up ahead. There was a small cabin resting in between two enormous tres. She had been able to spot it because of the small light bulb attached on top of its doorway, illuminating only the front part of the wooden cabin. Her eyes narrowed into slits as she tried to decipher the red figure near the shed, suspended in mid-air and swaying with constant motion as the wind blew steadily. She approached it cautiously, and with only one blink, she found herself looking up straight to the distraught figure.

It wasn't facing her directly, but the ropes surrounding its neck and body had been enough to understand the reason how it reached such height. Stringed on one of its thick branches, the figure was covered with nothing more than a crimson-colored dress soaked in blood, dripping down all the way to her bare feet. Some dropped on Cara's face, the reason why she immediately recoiled. But she couldn't do it when out of a sudden, the figure stopped moving. As if it was aware she was there, it started to wheel around in her direction.

Cara stopped in her tracks, and out of solid intuition for the foreboding danger, she reached for her hip where the holster should have been. Her heart dropped when she couldn't touch anything. Panic spilled within, and the horrors of encountering an uncanny figure in the middle of an isolated forest finally kicked in. Doing anything to escape her situation would be futile, for the figure had already faced her, and her hunch was proven to be true.

The figure wasn't a prop or anything. It was a corpse, cut up and bled to death. The face was deeply familiar from Cara's past, nostalgia pangs her chest immediately. It was too strong that she felt herself shrinking back to her younger self and to that particular time when she had to face the most horrific event in her life.

The corpse was none other than her mother. Her sweet and innocent mother had always been the light in their family. And the angel that escorted their family into the avenues of righteousness. She wasn't just any woman, she was Cara's home, the foundation of all the things she had now. She wouldn't be Cara Ledwig if it weren't for her mother and her bright, genuine smile that had always fascinated Cara in some way. But mommy could never do it again. With her mouth being forced open like that and her face that was slanted in a horrific stance, no such loving gesture would ever comfort Cara again.

Panic rushed in her system, clamping her muscles irritatingly. She staggered backward, backing away slowly as if the corpse could grab her anytime. When she did, a cold hand unexpectedly grabbed her arm from behind. She spun to see who it was, but because of the fog, she couldn't see anything until it stepped forward, sweeping away the white smoke and making itself known to her. Her mouth gaped open when he saw Marco, her husband, nothing from when they met. Distorted face. Covered in blood. And his neck was slit, ear to ear. Cara could see his flesh coming out, glistening against the small light it could get.

"It's all over. Nothing can be done to bring me back. I'm dead, and you can't change anything. Stop trying anymore, Cara..."

The wind blew, and Marco faded slowly at her sight. She tried grabbing him, but it was too late. Cara called him again and again. She spun around to search for him, to see him for the last time. But what she found at her back astounded her.

The tree became one foot away from her, and her mother wasn't the only person hanging there. On several extended branches, two other women swayed with the wind. Their red dress was perfectly identical, and both of their heads were covered with sacks. Cara choked back a scream, she felt her chest getting heavier. Then, it became dead silent. The wind disappeared, and victims' united swinging stopped.

Like her mother, they wheeled around, as well, as though they felt the presence of an outside. As they did, Cara saw the familiar face of Nelia Rasco. Tied beside her was the face of Sandy Hupman, who had become another subject in the horrors of a serial murder case. They were utterly dead as they were in the photos, bloody and mutilated like a bunch of pigs.

"There's nothing you can do. We're all gone. You can't save us anymore..." her mother whispered into her ear.

Just as her insides became twisted, the fogs disappeared, and the setting changed as though she's a protagonist of some movie switching to another scene. Only the difference was the place and time in front of her wasn't made for appearance. It was the only place that she dreaded the most to see once more. Her first time would be the last, that's what she promised to herself, and yet, for some unknown forces, she was brought here, to the exact spot where Marco was found, brutally murdered, and drowned in his pool of blood. But instead of him, the one who was lying there was Alex, propped against the wall, covered in blood.

Cara raised her arm to reach him, but she stopped trying as soon as she caught a glimpse of her trembling hands.

"What..." she mumbled, baffled at the sight of blood covering her entire palm. As she struggled to decipher where it came, someone, for the second time, grabbed her wrist from behind, pulling her body towards the opposite direction where she saw Eloisa, screaming at the top of her lungs. The rest of the Black family stood behind, pointing at her and mumbling the exact words like a broken recorder.

"Murderer!" they chanted in unison. It gets louder and louder in seconds. Feeling like her eardrum would explode, she covered it with both of her hands, the last action she did before the darkness spread all throughout the surroundings and swallowed her whole.

CARA JOLTED up from sleeping and sat upright in bed, just in time to find herself emitting a frightening scream. It took some configuring moments before she could finally calm herself and realized that she was back on the land of the living.

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, trickling to her temples all the way down to her neck. Her shirt was soaking wet, she could feel the stickiness of her sweat gliding on her back. In contrast to her body's state, her skin felt cold, chilling even as though she had just got exposed in a blizzard, naked and without any support. She didn't notice her breathing was labored until the silence of her room enveloped her. It outlined the noises her ears could pick up. And one of them was her heart hammering inside her chest.

Feeling thirsty out of a sudden, she looked around the bedroom and swallowed hard. Her eyes stopped at the clock above the shelves and saw that it was only four a.m., still two hours away before Alex would wake up and start his daily routine. She could use the remaining hours to return to sleep and forget what she saw. Only, if her mother weren't in it, she would definitely let it slide, just like the previous experiences she had.

She filled her lungs with air and released it slowly, falling into deep thoughts about the nightmare she had just experienced a while ago.

Dreaming about Marco wasn't a new thing for her. His death had created nightmares ever since the tragedy happened. It was topped up with her bags of regrets, making her dreams less approachable and enjoyable. All sorts of terrifying scenes concerning his death had already been displayed in her mind, and never did once she felt disgusted about it. What she couldn't handle and comprehend was her mother's participation in her nightmares. The sight of her was too vivid, it felt natural. To see her again, even just in a nightmare, it felt like she was traveling back to that part of her blurry past.

Instead of rising from her bed like usual, she dropped her back on the bed again and stared blankly at the brown ceiling above her bed. She began to wonder why her nightmare last night illustrated many subjects and how it became so powerful that even she was back to reality, she could still feel the terrifying sensation on her back. Was it due to the stress of being asked to come back to the force? Or did her visit with Eloisa last night provide her the bridge to dwell on the past?

She suspected that her unpleasant approach to this information might have caused it. Her incapacity to deal with all of it had perhaps overwhelmed her mind. She wasn't ready when Eric delivered the news to her last night. She didn't expect she would be asked to go back nor be spared to look into the details of another murder. It was all so sudden, she didn't know what could be the proper response to it.

And that may be the reason why she visited the Black residence, to seek not just guidance but to have someone slap her in the fact that all of it wasn't a dream. Marco's death wasn't a memory that she was deprived of looking into, and her responsibility to bring in the killer wasn't just a whisper of her conscience. It was real. Eric's visit and Eloisa's unpleasant reaction proved that she must do something in the chance they have given to her.

The Albreska PD is asking her to go back. Not just to wear her badge and uniform again, but ultimately, to investigate the case that had once haunted her, and the possible link to her husband's murder. If that weren't enough to blind her take on reality, she wouldn't know what else could make her think that she might live in some sort of a dream. It just felt surreal.

With those thoughts digging into her brain like nails, Cara had no choice but to get out from the bed so she could distract herself from pondering those anymore. She pulled the blinds of her bedroom and peeked outside. The sky was still in complete darkness, and none of their neighbors seemed to have woken up. It would be best to sleep again and rest her overworked mind. But her body already signed with her choices of activities for today, and although it seemed enticing to just lay in bed, she couldn't make herself do it.

And so, without bothering to wash her face, she headed out to the hallway, wearing only her robes and pajamas. She descended to the kitchen with silence, mentally analyzing the possible meals she could prepare that Alex would love. She thought of the breakfast combinations that Nana Ryla sometimes cooked for them. She picked the one that earned the most positive feedback from Alex, and decided to prepare that one for now. Surely, he'd have the same reaction once she'd done it.

Because cooking had always been an easy task, Cara didn't encounter any problem in preparing the ingredients and setting up the cooker. Although she never tried any of the new electronics she bought, she had managed well to prepare the slices of bacon and pancakes without burning the bottom side.

As she fried some eggs on the pan, she recalled how bad her experience was with Eloisa last night. After her sister-in-law's painful remarks, Cara was left with no choice but to leave the house abruptly, never minding the fact that she didn't formally say goodbye nor correct the mistakes she made. Can't blame herself, though. Eloisa's words were too haunting and hurtful, a simple gesture would be an extreme struggle to accomplish.

It wouldn't hurt that much if it weren't true, she thought, convinced that denying is out of the options anymore. She killed Marco, that's not a product of self-pity but the fact that she had never been given a chance to acknowledge. The murder may not be direct, but she's the one who provided the bridge for it to happen. Weren't for her stupid ideals and ambitions to go up, her husband could've been saved.

How stupid of you to think you could clean your conscience by involving yourself in another crime.

Despite the realization and rejection that were shoved into her face, the familiar itch to solve the case still felt unbearable to her skin. She knew what could mend it but wasn't sure if the risk would be worth her shot. Of course, she'd love to go back to the field. Only, she's afraid to know would be the cost this time.

Still, Eric's offer was tempting and very hard to resist. Especially now, her mind is slowly going back to the state where she was still working on the field. She obtained a lot of thoughts regarding the case yesterday, but because of her encounter with Eloisa, her fight with Alex, and the return of her memories with Marco, she fell into deep trouble approaching them.

Cara shut her eyes tightly Eloisa's words echoed inside her ears again. It was like an automatic switch on her mind that every time she put a thought on Eric's offer, her one-sided fight with Eloisa turned up on the front row of her thoughts.

What the hell was I thinking, by the way? You knew it was a bad idea, yet, you insisted. They are mourning, what chances would you get that they will still accept you with open arms?

But... wasn't it also the exact reason why you went there? To know if they have changed their mind and not blame you anymore? So you could lead a guilt-free life where everything is not in a mess.

She may not like to admit it, but that's what Cara was hoping for yesterday. A chance to be forgiven, a permission to search for answers, and the doors of her relationship with the Black family to be re-opened. Unfortunately, none of it happened. Even so, her determination is still alive, and she knows she won't give up easily.

Cara was done cooking when Nana Ryla showed up at the kitchen, surprised and embarrassed that her employer was the one doing the dishes. The old lady volunteered to continue what Cara was doing but she was already finished with the other chores. It did not take long before Alex appeared in the kitchen, thoroughly washed and ready for school.

Cara couldn't hide her guilt as they ate, and Alex hadn't given her a simple glance. She knew what was wrong. He's still mad at her for keeping secrets and dismissing his simple inquiries. Cara couldn't blame him. She's been like that for years, always keeping everything at herself.

I need to make amends. This isn't healthy for us both.

To attract the attention of her son, she cleared her throat first before she broke the silence. "What are you going for today?"

Alex stopped munching his bacon for a second. His bewildered eyes lifted to her as if determining why Cara said those words. He resumed eating afterward. "Attend classes, of course."

"I mean, after that. Don't you have plans? Like go out with your classmates and do some fun activities? I can bring you to any place you like."

"If you're thinking that we could stop by at an ice cream store, I must say I need to pass, Mom," Alex said dismissively. "I need to work on a project with Finley at her house. I presume you already know that. It was discussed at the homeroom meeting last Monday."

Cara blinked profusely. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. She had to admit, she had forgotten about it. Even just the fact that she attended the homeroom meeting. Her heart sank; she felt horrible that she missed even the little things going on in his life. Alex saw her dumbstruck expression, and he understood right away what it meant. Cara was about to explain her side, but she was shocked to see that nothing changed in Alex's expression. There was no hint of surprise or despair. He just sighed as though he had seen that coming.

Shaking his head, he put the utensils down and pushed himself out of the table, less energetic than he had been earlier. "Nevermind. I'm done eating."

With that, Alex left the dining table, leaving Cara alone in the dining room, speechless and utterly stunned. Her eyes dropped down to her food, and the need to eat vanished completely, giving her mind room for the inevitable doubts she always had whenever disappointing Alex.

How many times must she feel worthless before calling herself a good mother? Was she that irresponsible and oblivious to everything?

Cara couldn't shrug that off from her head. It stung her so badly, to the point that even her own emotions became overwhelming in her chest. She drove him to school, feeling unsure if she would apologize or just let it slide. She had done a lot of damage to him already. Can one single apology change that?

They hadn't said anything to each other during the drive. Cara didn't encourage Alex to join a conversation. In contrast to her eagerness to ask more and probe for his activities, she let the silence terrorize them as they get near the school grounds. She thought it would be better that way rather than having him disappointed again with her minor yet hurtful mistakes.

"What time should I fetch you later?" she asked as she watched Alex climb out from the car.

"I'll go straight to Finley's house. Her mom will drive us there. I'll make her text you once we're done with the project. It's not going to be that long," he answered, not glancing at her. "I'm going."

Cara smiled hesitatingly. "Good luck at school," she said. Alex only waved as a response. Her smile faded. As soon as he disappeared through the pool of students crowding near the entrance, her smile faded. She remembered their conversation in the dining earlier and how it awfully went. Her mood dropped after realizing how each attempt to win over his trust had consistently failed. Not that she didn't try hard enough, but Alex just seemed so oblivious of her efforts. A little bit of appreciation and understanding was all she needed to stay motivated. For the sake of patching up their relationship, they both must participate in the acts to make it successful.

Why can't Alex seem to see that?

Shaking her head, she sighed heavily. She started the ignition and began driving away from the school. She began browsing the household activities that were lined up for today in her schedule. Most of them are dull, and although she hasn't yet completed any of it, she could already feel the weariness of her day. If only she's allowed to do something worthy of her time and skills...

She swallowed hard when her brain instantly brought up one activity she could do to spice up her day and wash away the clouds on her mind. And going home early would be last on the list. Feeling suddenly fired up, she turned her car to the right corner, opposite the direction of her house and into the road that was undoubtedly familiar. Of course, she's aware of the place where her senses were taking her. It had only been two months, but the memories of that haunting night are still fresh and vivid. And as much as she hated to re-visit it, she had no choice. Her interaction with Eloisa was a failure, and now, she had thought of an idea to alter it.

Go back to where it started. You can only step forward if you're ready to go out from the past, she thought.