Gone After the Wind

Chapter 4 - Glimpse

AFTER Eric left, Cara remained sitting in the dining room, trying her best to minimize the sobs coming from her mouth. Tonight was only the second time she broke down, but the intensity of the pain stinging her body still felt quite the same. Her heart was almost like it was being clenched by a strong grip, its walls felt tightened and the bile in her throat just kept getting larger.

Eric's mere presence was a clear trigger of the awful memories she had already put at the back of her mind but it wasn't enough to make her wail like a child. His offer is what had put her in the same lane repleted with guilt and shame for herself.

If there's only one person responsible for Marco's death, Cara believed that it was primarily her. Not the unnamed murderer who stole his life or even the incompetent police who didn't go far in their investigation. It was all her fault. Everyone agrees with that. She could have saved his life if she didn't get too drawn chasing the position she aimed for.

Not of this could have happened at all. Alex could be living as a normal teenager he had always been and their relationship would've been stronger. On top of it, the killer from Rasco's case would have been caught and another innocent life would have not been taken.

She was the main cause of all this madness. And it's only justifiable to deal with it. Going back to the force would not only bring a shame to Cara, but all of the people she had failed.

Marco was the payment for all the selfishness I did. It won't happen again. I won't lose Alex, she thought and choke back another sob.

"Mom?" Alex appeared from the doorway and Cara jumped out of shock.

Afraid that he might see her in that poor state, she stood hastily, turned her back, and wiped the tears covering her cheeks. Her reflexes were late, though. Alex saw it just before she could turn away. He reflected the shock on Cara's face.

"Are you crying?" he asked, alarmed and at the same time, concerned that her mother who has a reputation of being a strong and emotionless woman, was crying and looking so frail.

Cara swallowed hard. "No, this is... this is nothing. Go back to your room," she ordered and in a swift move, she collected the badge and gun on the table and threw it on the drawer, avoiding to give Alex an idea about the reinstatement she received.

"Mom, what is it? Did Eric do something to you?" Alex grew suspicious and it's obvious in his tone that he wouldn't consider letting it go.

Cara shook her head fervently. She picked up cup and brought it to the sink. Not giving him a look, she started washing it. "It's not something you must be concerned about. Go back to your room and do your homeworks. I'll call you when I'm done cooking."

From her back, Cara could hear Alex's tired groan and exasperated sigh. A part of her wanted to tell him what she's been suffering to seek for comfort. Her compulsive to cry out for help had not been extinguished at all. She's still a human who needed comfort and Alex was the first person she expected to do that. But she was done seeking at blindness. She knew he wouldn't understand her battles with his mind still not matured.

Especially if she was the one who bred the predicaments he's facing today.

"You're always lecturing me to open up to you. But you're the one that keeps shutting me out, Mom." Alex sighed in disbelief.

Cara swallowed hard and her eyes welled in tears. "You're still a kid, you wouldn't understand—"

"About what? The difficulties and the complication of your job? Mom, you must be forgetting that I'm not an infant anymore. I would totally understand everything if you could just—"

"That's enough," Cara cut him off and turned off the faucet, trying hard to be inexorable. "We're not having this argument. Back to your room."

"Tsk," Alex hissed, disappointment was all over his face. "Eat your own dinner. I'm not in the mood to eat with you."

Cara turned to look at him, shocked at his reply. She was about to demand an explanation for that but he's walking away. Before she could stop him from leaving, he was already ascending to their stairs, his footsteps banging on the wood. "Alex!"

Great, Cara. Job well done, she sarcastically thought and shut her eyes tightly.

She leaned against the sink, completely regretting the way now she handled him. It could've resulted to much greater conversation but that will always be the way it will end. Even Alex gave her the chance to speak out, she wouldn't risk telling him what her turmoils are all about.

He has already so many things to worry about. And Cara wouldn't let herself be one of them.

She left the sink and started opening the cabinets of her kitchen to collect the ingredients she needed. She opened the fridge to take out the frozen meat and submerged it into the sink. As she waited for the ice to melt, she found herself staring blankly at the crimson blood that came from the meat that was mixing with the running water. She felt herself sinking and sinking. Like her feet were immersed in a pool of water, pulling her deep down, its coldness prickling through her body. With that, it all started to come back at her.

The night where Marco was found lifeless.

Cara kept chasing her breath, her eyes following the movement of the other police running towards the potential location of a new murdered victim. Being the detective leading the investigation of the Rasco's case, Cara was the first one to call on but due to the disappearance of her husband, she arrived late and torn. Aside from the fact that another murder has occurred behind her back, Marco's whereabouts were still a mystery. It's already two days since he was gone and yet, she couldn't find any trace to find him.

"Cara!"

From the forming crowd ahead of the precise location of the victim, Detective Eric Sautney squeezed himself out and ran towards Cara. His face was swelling in pale color and his eyes looked troubled. He never had such an expression before. Not with all the crime scenes they both sorted out. Cara couldn't fathom why he had to give her that.

Cara walked towards him, her system on a complete circus and haywire. "How was it? Did he strike again?" she asked him in which a definitive reply was never made.

He remained standing there, looking at Cara, his eyes shifted into a strangely gloomy one and he's having trouble forming a reply. Cara couldn't understand his actions. Groaning, she proceeded to make her way. She inserted herself to the crowd, her heart pumping with so much anticipation.

"C-Cara... wait..." Eric fumbled towards her but she was too engrossed at finding out who was the victim this time, she couldn't pay him attention.

"Make a way!" she shouted at the people speculating. Some moved and gave her a way but it was still a struggle to past them all. When she was about to stepped in, Supervisor Faucalt suddenly appeared at her direction, halting her from going in.

"Go home, Black. We'll take care of it—"

"What are you talking about?" Cara snapped her insides twisting with anger. "This is my case and I need to see it raw, Sir! You know how it works!"

Agitated and angsty, Faucalt shook his head. He had a somber expression on his face. "I know, Black. But... you've got to pull your shits together and listen to me carefully. Go home to your son and—"

Already weirded out at the behavior she's seeing, Cara wasted no time and pushed her supervisor out of her way.

"Black!"

It was too late to stop her. Cara already saw what it was all about. She felt her body collapsing as she stared at the victim, wide-eyed and mouth gasping.

On the left side of a large garbage bin, a body of a man was propped against the wall, lifeless and soaking in his own pool of blood. His throat was slit from ear to ear and large stitches covered his body. He was naked, hands and feet were bounded and a sack was found nearby the body.

Despite the violence she saw, Cara would never forget that face. It was someone she knew too much. Someone she trusted her life to, someone she was bounded to spend her life with. Only days ago when Cara started to look for him but she didn't expect that she would find him this way.

Soulless and bludgeoned to death.

"Marco!"

At that moment, Cara felt as if her world was shattered by a wrecking ball. All the types of sadness poured on her. But above it, something was born inside her as she processed everything. The fire of vengeance and the hunger to take revenge was evident and she knew, it would only disappear if she saw the man behind the murder waiting on death row.

She snapped back to reality, her eyes adjusting to the view in front, the memories of what happened two months ago slowly fading in her sight. She gasped, feeling suddenly tired. Her hands were trembling uncontrollably and the pain inside her head was too excruciating, her vision started to get blurry.

"Ma'am Cara?" someone's voice echoed in her ears. She recognized it coming from Nana Ryla who came just right on time after she was pulled back into reality. "Are you okay?"

She clutched her chest and shook her head. "N-Nothing's wrong..." she answered, catching her breath. She looked at the middle-aged-woman and put off a smile, quite surprised that she came back early. "You shouldn't be here, Nana. Your daughter's expecting you tonight, isn't she?"

"Ah, Lola couldn't make it so I thought it would be best to stay here tonight. Are you preparing dinner?" Nana Ryla walked towards the kitchen.

Cara nodded and looked at the meat she prepared. She pulled a paper towel from the roll and use it to wipe her hands. The pounding of her heart is still on the abnormalcy and the turmoils didn't even lessen. She remembered her conversation with Eric, the photos of the victim, and Marco's body. It all gathered at one place inside her mind and even the fear of going back at the force is still lurking around her body, she couldn't resist the familiar compulsive sensation brought by the remnants of the past.

And she knew right away what she must do to sate it.

"Could you cook dinner?" Cara asked and returned to the drawer where she hid her badge and the gun.

"Of course, Ma'am. But aren't you gonna wait for it?"

Inserting those two heavy objects on the side pocket of her pants, Cara looked back at Nana Ryla who keeps surveying her overall appearance, as if confused as to why she was planning to leave at almost in the middle of the night.

Shaking her head, she grabbed her coat on the chair. "I'll be going home late. Invite Alex to dinner once you're done cooking. He'd love to eat with you," she instructed.

"Okay, okay. I will. Where are you going, by the way?" Nana Ryla asked reluctantly.

"I need to see someone," she answered and without hearing another response from the lady, she proceeded to the door and went outside, her heart fueled with the very same hunger.

But before she could even use that to go on, she knew she must peel off the doubt and fear. And that someone in her head might be the key for Cara to finally step out of the dark corners of the past.