RAYANA

Chapter 20

I move a bit when I heard the door open and Reiga urge me to get up. 

"Here's your clothes and necessities, may pagkain na sa kitchen.. I'm going to Leine to get your other things" I look at Reiga who drop those paper bags on my feet side with his hands on his waist looking back and forth to us. 

Di ko yun pinansin at marahang umupo but a hand try to help me which I decline right away. Reiga smirk to his Brother. 

"Ahh how fascinating, you have long way to go brother, long way" He sneered to him with his evil smile but his eyes said otherwise. 

"I don't know why you have an idea that his long way to go because his not Reiga." I simple said but my voice is so cold that Reiga dropped his smile watching me getting up with those paper bags.

"There's no space in here to walk thru anyway. I don't even know him.." Sulyap ko kay Izaac na nakatitig lang sa akin. I saw his hand form into fist, I sigh.

"Call Ms. Villaluz." Baling ko kay Reiga na pormal ng nakaharap sa akin bago dala ang mga paper bags na umalis sa harap nila.

"Reya.." I stop when I heard him call me.

Napapakurap na marahan akung lumingon. Reiga looks very closely in my face searching for something,.. or someone. 

"Ra.Ya.Na. I'm Rayana." Mariin kung sabi at sa bawat sigundong lumilipas, alam kung walang makakapabago pa nun.

Wasak ang pinangarap ko sa katauhan ni Reya Villaluz. Dapat ko pa bang gamitin ang pekeng pangalan na yun habang kaharap sila? Nakakasuka!.

"Leine will be here later.."

"I don't care, tell her to go to hell" walang gana kung sabi habang palakad papuntang Cr. 

"Reya!" Galit na sigaw ni Reiga. 

"Did you even heard yourself?!" Pamewang na galit nyang dagdag glaring down at me, paasik lang akung umiwas at malamig ang titig sa pader. 

"Even if we lied to you it doesn't mean that it cause you harm, Leine will get hurt if she hurt you that, intindihin mo ang sitwasyon at hindi yung padalos dalos ka ng sinasabi, this is not you at all"

"Ano ba dapat? Sino ba ko sayo Reiga?" Walang buhay na tanong at tingala sa kanya. I saw his lips parted a bit. 

"Because right now, at this moment all I remember was a girl who held the knife to kill and dreams to met her father before her last breath" Walang buhay na lumakad ako paalis. 

"So don't tell me that this is not me because I don't even know who I am now" I murmur but I know they heard me. 

I close the door lightly and dropped all the paper bags. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod na umupo ako sa lapag at huminga ng malalim ng paulit ulit. i'm trying to held my tears to not fall, I'm an expert to restrain my emotions but for the past years that expose myself I know I'm changed and by that I felt hurt so much right now. 

Wala na yung pangarap kung makita yung lalaking yun na nagbigay buhay sa akin, hindi ko na inaasam na mamatay na walang saysay. I was in a full dream that I created, I thought that may be He (God) permitted me to let go  of the past and live in peace. I believe in him to the point that dreaming while my eyes open is true, even though I'm a sinner. 

I sob loudly trying to weep my tears away using the back of my hands but it really sink on me that my dreams are just vivid and it will never came true. I whimpers and sob gripping my night dress and breath so loud one at a time. My tears are like water falls, running to my face down to my chin and to my clothes, ngayon lang ako umiyak ng sobra. 

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kumuha ng lakas ng loob na harapin tong emosyon na to or hindi ko lang kayang dalhin kaya nilabas ko, pero sa lahat ng dapat binitiwan ko si Lei ang pinaka mahirap. I trusted her, even my soul trusted her but the fact that this whole time she knew makes me forget what it's like to be with her. Reina Leine Villaluz is the Mother that I've never thought I have, and I think she will never has in the first place.

I am just creating my illusions the whole years, and because of that I felt trap. I don't know how will things goes, now that I knew everything.

I gasp and sobs so loud but it didn't slip me the movement outside. I glance at the door, someone leaning on it. My breath deeps and sighs. The bathroom isn't soundproof and by the presence leaning on it, they heard me.

Walang buhay na pilit akung tumayo at pumunta sa shower room, I saw a bathtub but ignore it. The interior is so elegant yet simple.

I on the shower and seat down near the glass door. I stayed for 1 hour or so until I notice that my hair is dump. I get a towel and slowly dried my hair. I didn't look at the mirror the whole time.

I fixed the paper bags and my wet clothes before going outside.

I saw him seating on the end of the bed with his hands hold together. He slowly looks up to me. The dark eyes have a glint of clear glass in it. I don't know him yet he looks at me as if I am the only matter that took space on his side. 

I ignore him and step out of the room going to the kitchen, seating down to the stool and looking at the take out foods . Wala pa yung bawas ni isa like he never eat and wait for me to finish my bath. 

he suddenly shows up with a cotton sleepers on his hands. He incircle around the counter and kneel in front of me that makes me startle a bit, he reach my feet but I dodge it away staring at him. His long lashes are hiding his eyes and the high nose and a little pale on his lips was hiding his frown. 

"You'll catch a cold feet" He said with a low voice but I ignore his words, getting a glass of water stepping down to the other side and walks away from the kitchen. I sat on the living room and put the empty glass looking on the glass wall outside was the small houses and buildings around. I felt his presence, he put the sleepers beside my feet and a plate beside the empty glass. 

"Do you want anything to eat?.." I didn't finish hearing his words and stand up walks away but a hand hold mine, I whisk his hand away glaring at him but he tried to smile at me. 

"Do you want me to cook? The supermarket is near here" I just stare at him, around on his eyes started to get red while he watch me. I look away and turn around to go back to the room. 

"Rayana.." He called with a husky voice. 

I stop a bit but I just sigh slowly walking away. 

"Do you want an apple? They're selling a fresh one here that we can.." Sunod nya but the moment I step in the room and I slam the door shut loudly, locking the door. The silent creeps after that. I ran my hand on my hair searching the scar. I glance at the door before walk on my bed and lay down facing the glass wall. 

After a while, he knocks and called my name softly but I just close my eyes. 

He knocks every ten minutes, It took an hour for me to glance the door. I waited him to knock and he did, but the sound is in lower part of the door which I think his seating on the floor. I just took a sigh before laying down again hugging a one pillow. 

It took 3 hours for Reiga to come back, his loud voice annoys me, makes me glare at the door. 

".. Your f*****g hopeless, get up. You look like a beggar.." The door open and Reiga's harsh smile turn to me. I sat down letting go the pillow. 

"Hindi ka kumain.." Salubong nya.

"Are you with her?" I ignore his words and get up. 

"Yes" I stop when I saw him on the door standing on the side. Reiga look between us and said nothing. Nilagpasan ko sya at diritsong pumunta sa living room. Lei stand up when she saw me coming, she tried to reach me but I ignore her looking at the middle age man standing on the back of the single couch she sat. In a hurried steps, I reach his side and a loud slap rang in the living room. 

"Didn't I tell you not to go back?!" My cold voice filled the silence, glaring the man. 

"M-Miss" His voice shook and timidly look at me with his red face. 

"Shaad! Didn't I?" I said weakly at the said trying to look at the man wanted to find the years that passed. 

"They settle their selves far, no one will found them again please Miss"

"Where's the sacrifice I made Shaad huh?" I mock gesturing  my hand on the side like I have something there, he just looks down and cry. 

"I! said to you loud and clear, Go and don't look back!"

"Y-You're alive so I thought may be we can be with you Miss, they're all grown up now p-please? Celia is waiting.." 

I laugh mockingly turning around and run my hands to my face. s**t! Did he really think that? I face him again with my cold smile. 

"You all disregard my decision for what?.."

"We never disobey you. We wanted you to be with us"

"I can't be with you Shaad! It's your family we were talking about.."

"You are also my family!"

"I don't have a future!" Gigil kung sabi going to him and push his chest using my point finger. 

"You know that, ever since" Hirap kung sabi and crest my brows. Trying to held a little emotion down. 

"That's why I give you that freedom with your family! and now what huh? What Shaad?" I hopelessly asked in the end looking at him.  

"I'll help you.." I smirk and pointed Reiga. Sa gilid nya ay si Izaac and  Lei. 

"Reiga Villacenor hid me for years because he can't destroy the Arege clan, I killed hundreds of the clan's men, leaders of them yet they are still alive until now and you tell me you'll help me.. Help me for what Shaad? help me to kill? to hide? to live? to what?!" I raise my voice and gripped his collar. He helplessly stare at me with his red eyes. f**k, I hate this. 

I sigh leaning my forehead to my fist that gripped his collar. Shaad was always been my anchor all this time, because for the first time in my life I help others to live than to end life. His the Father that I had wish and came true, for 12 years in my life he take cares of me even though he have another family to be held on in secret behind Arege watch.  

In the back of my mind, I felt certain that him and his family live somewhere peacefully. I thought I will not recall him because his the past that I had wish to see but I can't in my reality, because it means I failed to save a life, to save him but seeing him right now, holding his shirt, recalling his name makes me weak and hopeless because I know I'll drag him to his grave.