Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts 02

Should I go or not?

I’ve been here in our living room for 2 hours now, and am I thinking about if I’ll go outside and try different things, or should I just stay here at home and not do some nonsense actions?

But I am trying to feel confident and do what I want without anyone. I want to be me.

Should I really go or just sleep here and stay on my bed?

“Aww, aww,” I’m really an asshole because why do I even talk to my dog? Well, I think talking to my dog is really better than talking to humans.

What should I do? And also, I’m thinking that if I go out, where will I go?

I wish I had parents with me. My mom and dad died when I was little because of a car accident, and I grew up in my grandma’s house, but when I was 18, she died too. That is why right now, I am being alone.

And now, here I am. Only living on my own and with a dog named “Silent.” I named her Silent because she behaves all the time, and she will bark at me if she’s hungry.

And about my financial situation, I can say that I’m good since I’m living here in my mom and dad’s own house and lot. My grandma renovated this, and I finished college using my scholarship and am working now as a Virtual Assistant, so that is why I didn’t go outside. Even my groceries, I will do that online.

I’ll just go outside with my only best friend, but now I think she’s just using me. So I think I need to try on my own.

I think I will start from scratch, right?

I don’t know, I don’t know.

While still scrolling on my phone and watching some meme videos, my phone beeped.

“Unknown Number”

I don’t remember providing my number to anyone. That is why I didn’t answer the call, and I don’t know what to say. I’m scared to interact.

Why can’t the caller message first? Speaking of the caller, I received a message.

“Unknown Number”

Hi, plz answer call. Important.

Okay? Is this like a scammer? That will ask for my bank’s info? I always see that on social media, so I’m kinda scared.

You need to answer that. Please don’t be crazy.

Take a deep breath, exhale, and inhale.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWYZ

I always sing the ABC song if I’m scared or need to calm myself, and I’ll say that it’s working a lot.

My phone rings again, and this time, I answer the call.

“H-hello?” I answered the call while my hands were shaking, and even my voice was trembling too.

If anyone sees me, they will think I’m a weirdo because of this behavior. Even my best friend says I’m so overreacting because of this, but I think she doesn’t understand what I feel.

“Hello, dai! Kumusta ka diha? Nakadungog ko nga dugay na namatay si Nanay Mercendes. Kumusta man ka? Pasayloa ko ha kay karon ra ko nakatawag nimo kay lisod kaayo ang pagtawag gikan sa lain nasod.”

translation: How are you there? I heard that Nanay Mercendes passed away a long time ago. How are you? I’m sorry because I was only able to call you now since it’s very difficult to make calls from another country.

I don’t understand what she’s saying, and the only thing I understand is the “hello.” Is this like a prank call? But she mentioned my grandma’s name.

Thinking that someone is stalking me gives me chills. I’m scared, and my hands are shaking even more now.

Calm down, Zamara Lyra Sinclair.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t even know you. I think you got the wrong number.”

“Nay naman, alam mo naman speaking dollar yan at syempre di ka nya kilala atsaka. Bakit ‘di ka man lang nagpakilala? Parang natatakot tuloy.”

translation: Mommy, you know that she’s speaking English, and you know that she doesn’t recognize you. Why don’t you introduce yourself first? It seems she’s scared.

I really don’t have an idea, but I hear a loud background noise, and I even hear some talking in the background, but I can’t understand their language.

But based on what I understand, I always heard that language from my Grandma.

“Ay sorry, so I said hello, this is me, your Tita. Tita, sorry, I mean, ano nga English ng Tita, nak?” It seems like she’s talking with someone.

“Auntie, Mommy.” And based on the voice, it’s a girl. She even sounds irritated.

Auntie? Do I have one? I remembered that my Mother and Father are both only children. And on my Father’s side, my dad’s mom and dad are already gone, so I don’t have the chance to see them.

While for my Mother, my Mom’s dad was already gone when she was little, so I didn’t have a chance to see Grandpa, and the only one that I witnessed was my Grandma, who died when I was 18, and I’m 21 now.

“Hello, again. I’m Auntie Isabela. You call me Iseng. I’m your Mommy’s cousin. My mother and your Grandma Mercedes are sisters. And your Mommy is my close cousin, and I’m your first cousin, so you call me Auntie, hehe,” she said. But while she’s talking, I can hear that she’s a little bit uneasy talking in English.

“Iseng, galing mo mag-English dyan ha! Mag-ca-call center ka ba?”

I can even hear a lot of teasing words, but I can’t understand, and based on what she said, I think I remembered her. Because Grandma sometimes talks to me about her only sister and their only daughter. They promised each other that they would have one child, and that happened, which is my mom and this Auntie Iseng.

But why is she calling me now?

Is there something wrong?

“Uy, you there?”

“Yes, I’m here, and sorry for the silence. I do remember that Grandma talks a lot about you, and thanks for your efforts calling me, but may I ask the reason why you called me? Is there any problem?” I ask at the same time because I don’t know what to feel. I’m nervous.

“Hala uy, paspas kaayo mag-English, wa ko kasabot!”

translate: Oh my gosh, you speak English so fast, I can’t understand!

I don’t really understand, but I can say that her voice sounds like she’s stressed about something.

“Okay, okay, sorry. Please talk English very slowly. I’m not good, hehe. Since your Lola died, I mean, Grandma, I tried to reach you. It’s hard for me to talk to you since you don’t have social media, and wait, wait,” And I heard some whispers.

“Anak, ayusin mo naman yung cellphone mo. Lakihan mo kaya para mabasa ko ng maayos at masabi sa kanya. Nireregla na itong ilong ko dito.”

translate: “Child, fix your phone, please. Maybe make the text bigger so I can read it properly and tell her. My nose is already bleeding from trying to read this!”

She’s correct because I don’t even use social media. It’s just w******p and Microsoft Teams that I’m working with for work.

I can say that I can feel that they are in chaos because of some whispering and some noise in the background.

“You know, it’s hard reaching you out since you don’t have social media. But I remember that Tita Mercedes gave your number to me before for her emergency contacts, and that’s why I searched your number on w******p, and I’m lucky. I tried calling you on w******p, but you didn’t even see that.”

I’m not really used to seeing other chats. I always move them into the archive.

“That’s why I tried to call you using a mobile number, but you didn’t even pick up the call. And this is the first time you answered my call.” She’s right. It’s the first time since I’m doing this to face my fear.

“I’m sorry, and I really appreciate your efforts, Auntie. But can you please let me know why you are doing this?”

“Your Grandma is the one who made a dying wish, because at that time, she knew she would die. That’s why she created a dying wish for you, and she told me that you can see that in her room. There is a small box there, and the password is your birthday.”

I clearly remembered that when my Grandma died, I cleaned her room and saw the little box, and I didn’t even bother to open it.

Why am I nervous?

What dying wish is that?