The Sanctuary

The Confession-1

Chapter Four

The Confession

There was no one at the back of the chapel. My heart is racing.

“OK,” I say.

We stand up and go into the dark, intricately carved confession booth without anyone noticing. I sit down and slide open the small partition separating us. I can see Dorothy’s profile through the veiled screen. She fidgets in her seat. I feel nervous too. She takes lipstick out of her purse and paints her lips a brighter shade of red. God, how lovely she is.

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been over a year since my last confession,” she says.

I had looked forward all through my years as a seminarian to easing the troubles and relieving the guilt of people during confession, but now I feel at a loss. Who was I to give absolution for the sins of others or understand their troubles, an inexperienced man who has never tasted the joys of life?

“Dorothy, I don’t think you should give your confession to me. Perhaps one of the ordained priests can…”

“I told you. You’re the only one I feel comfortable telling this to…”

I take a deep breath in and exhale.

“Ok. Tell me what’s troubling you, Dorothy.”

“I don’t know how to start… I’m a little nervous to talk about it.”

“No matter what it is, I promise I won’t judge you.”

“I know you won’t. OK… During my last year of college, I knowingly engaged in a mortal sin… with my boyfriend… and with others… many others. I have engaged in forbidden s****l behavior with a number of different men and I continue to do so, without a feeling of regret or remorse... I can’t seem to stop doing it, nor do I want to.”

“Dorothy, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you how risky it is to have s****l intercourse with multiple partners.”

“No, you don’t understand. I don’t have intercourse. I’m still a virgin.”

“Oh. Then, I don’t understand. Why are you upset? I’m sure whatever you did is not that bad. I think most people tend to exaggerate their sins.”

“Not in my case...”

“It’s perfectly normal for you to have s****l feelings…”

There was an awkward silence on her side of the partition.

“Did you allow one of the men to touch your breasts?” I guessed.

“It’s worse than that. Much worse. You seem open-minded, Joseph, but I’m afraid you might find my story rather… crude. I don’t want to offend you.”

“There’s nothing you can say that will offend me, Dorothy.”

“God, I wish I had a cigarette…”

I gaze her pretty face and painted lips though the opening of the partition. Her red lips, her lovely face, her full bosom. She is the most beautiful women I had ever seen in my life.

“Dorothy, do you think you’re alone in this struggle?” I ask. “Do you think you’re the only sinner here? There’s nothing you can say to me that’s worse than the sins I’ve already committed.”

She smiles at me, as if I’m teasing her.

“Really? What sins could you possibly have committed, Joseph?”

“If I tell you… will you share with me what’s troubling you?”

Dorothy looks directly at me through the screen.

“You tell me your sins and I’ll tell you mine.”

“OK… That’s fair. But what I’m about to say might make you… uncomfortable.”

“I think I can handle it…”

I look away from her, shut my eyes and tell her.

“From the moment I saw you kneeling before the statue of our Lord and Savior, I’ve been… sexually attracted to you.”

My heart is pounding and my breath is shallow. God, why did I tell her? Why couldn’t I have kept it to myself? I bury my face in my hands for a moment. When I glance up she is sitting in the same position, as still as a stone, just inches away from me across the petition. A long moment passes.

“Go on, Joseph,” she says.

As I continue my confession, she takes cosmetics and a small pocket mirror out of her purse and touches up her makeup. She applies rouge to her cheeks, draws a line of mascara under her eyes and paints the lids of her eyes a brighter shade of blue.

“I’m sorry, Dorothy,” I utter. “But I seem to have developed an unhealthy infatuation with you. In my case the spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. Your sweet voice and red lips, your pretty face and… lovely breasts… I can’t control the way I feel. I like being around you and… God help me… I’ve been aroused, sexually aroused, off and on, all afternoon, since I first saw you. When you touched my shoulder, though I know it was a completely innocent gesture on your part, it made me feel so good inside. Even though my robe, your hand felt warm on my skin… During the last hour together, I’ve entertained one sexually impure thought after another about you… You can report me to the authorities of the church, if you’d like. Perhaps that would be the best thing for me at this point, to be removed from my position within the church. But you must believe me when I say I will never put you in an uncompromising position, despite my attraction to you. I’d rather remove the skin off my back with the scourge than touch a single hair on your head in an inappropriate manner. I’m sorry, Dorothy, if what I’ve said has made you uncomfortable…”

After I finish my confession, she puts her makeup away and turns to face me with a dazzling smile. She comes so close to the partition that her lips are nearly touching mine through the screen.

“There’s no need to apologize, Joseph. It’s OK, really. I kind of assumed you were attracted to me when I saw you standing in the doorway with an enormous hard on. It’s not your fault. I’m not wearing a bra and I know my dress is short. I’m fine with it and I won’t tell anyone. It’s no big deal, really. Don’t worry about it so much. You take everything too seriously. I don’t think you should quit over this. You’re a really good guy and I think you’ll make an excellent priest, if that’s what you want to do. And, by the way, you don’t make me feel uncomfortable at all. It’s kind of flattering, actually, that someone like you would be attracted to me. Most of the guys I hook up with are total douchebags…”

The graciousness and generosity of her response amazes me. It reminds me of what Jesus said, coming to the aid of the adulterous woman who was about to be stoned for her sins. “If your slate is clean, then you can throw stones.” Rather than judging me, I feel redeemed by her. Accepted.

“I don’t know what to say, Dorothy… Thank you for not judging me.”

Dorothy looks down at her lap and shuts her eyes.

“You held up your end of the bargain. I suppose I should make my confession now. I’ve never told this to anyone before. Well, here goes… Though I’m still a virgin, over the last year I’ve brought several men to an orgasm… with my mouth. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve performed fellatio. I’m not forced to do it. I do it because I enjoy it. I’d be in a bar right now, flirting with some guy, if I wasn’t in this cozy booth talking to you, Joseph…”

I take a deep breath in and out. Her words are intensely erotic to me.

“Joseph? You’re not saying anything. Have I offended you?”

“No, not at all.”

“Should I continue?” she asks.

“Yes, please,” I say. “Tell me your story.”

“It was my final year of college and I was the only girl left in school that hadn’t done it yet with a boy. Everyone made fun of me for being a 23 year old virgin. I had this long-suffering boyfriend, Trey, who had constantly begged me to have s*x with him, but I was trying to save myself for marriage like the good girl my Catholic Mother always wanted me to be. Trey was attractive and a bit of a frat boy, not the kind of person I wanted to marry. His roommate had already left for spring break, so Trey invited me over to his dorm room to celebrate the end of mid-term exams. It was my first time I would have an extended period of time alone with a boy and I was excited about it. I had held back my entire life, never letting anyone kiss my breasts or touch me under my panties, so I decided to let go for once in my life, despite my Catholic upbringing. We started kissing and he began petting my breasts, as usual. I was feeling friskier than normal so I allowed him to completely take all of my clothes off, even my panties. After kissing and fondling my breasts and rubbing himself against me, Trey removed his clothes, took out a condom and put it over his p***s. Just before he was about to penetrate my hymen and take my virginity, I took the base of his shaft in my hands and started sucking on the head of his p***s as hard as I could. After I got over the rubbery taste of the condom, I realized I liked the feeling of his p***s on my lips and the sensation of having it thrust into my mouth. He began to rapidly pump himself in and out of my mouth as hard as he could. I held the soft underside of his scrotum in my palm as I sucked on him. Suddenly, I felt it contract several times. Trey moaned and released his semen into the condom while his p***s was still inside of my mouth…”

Dorothy glances over her shoulder at me through the partition.

“Do you want me to continue, Joseph?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say.

“Well, Trey really enjoyed having oral s*x with me, which was no big surprise, so he kept me locked in his dorm for the entire spring break as his love slave, naked the whole time except for my panties. He brought me my meals and kept me locked inside whenever he left the room. I have to admit, it was extremely sexy to be held captive. I gave Trey oral s*x several times over the next few days. It was very easy for me to do it, and it took the pressure off me in some ways. I thought if I could learn how to satisfy a man in this way, I could wait until my wedding night to go all the way, just as I was taught I should do throughout Catholic School.”

She stops, as if embarrassed to talk further.

“You know, we’re not much different really,” I say. “I’m a virgin too, just like you, Dorothy.”

“You are?”

I nod, somewhat ashamed to admit it. She seems to relax.

“When I entered the Priesthood I made a vow to be celibate. But even though I’m unable to have a… s****l relationship… I’m still a man. I have needs. I often feel lonely and… relieve myself… on occasion. I don’t see how that’s any different from your situation. The way I look at it, celibacy has been imposed on us and we’re both struggling with it.”

“Thank you for being so understanding, Joseph.”

“Of course.”

Dorothy continues her story, no longer ashamed.

“So, after a few days of using a condom, Trey told me he preferred the sensation of being kissed directly on his p***s without a condom. I told him I was afraid I might not like the taste or wouldn’t be able to swallow it, so he tried introducing me to his semen a little at a time. I had overheard other girls talking about it and I was curious, so I went along with the idea. First, Trey straddled my body with his knees, rubbing his p***s over and over between my breasts until he ejaculated. Afterwards, with his fingertip, he started painting my lips with the thick creamy substance, over and over. I licked my lips until the semen dissolved onto my tongue. It didn’t taste at all unpleasant, just a little salty and a little sweet. I didn’t mind it, really. And for all the thrusting and moaning guys do, hardly much comes out. I didn’t know what I had been so intimidated about.”

Dorothy crosses her legs in the confession booth, remembering.

“So, after he painted my lips with his semen, we advanced to more advanced s****l games by the end of our week together. I know it sounds terrible, but I went along with it. He told me I could eat nothing all day. All he’d allow inside my mouth for the next 24 hours was his semen. He asked me if he could tie me up on his bed with his neckties, just to make sure I didn’t try to escape. He was my boyfriend for over a year and I trusted him, but I still made him promise not to take off my panties when he tied me up. He agreed, so I let him do it to me. He pulled my arms over my head, spread my legs apart, and tied my wrists and ankles to the bedposts. I was unable to move and immediately liked the sensation of being tightly bound and unable to stop Trey from doing whatever he wanted to me. He got up on the bed, straddled my chest with his knees, put his p***s in my mouth and I sucked as hard as I could on it. He began thrusting it in and out of my mouth over and over until he pulled out and ejaculated again on my breasts. This time he used a teaspoon to collect his semen. He lifted the spoon up to my lips and I easily swallowed the small amount. Even after finishing all over my breasts, the entire amount fit into only two or three spoonfuls. Later that day Trey tied my ankles together so I couldn’t run away and had me kneel on a pillow on the floor beside the bed. He asked me to rub on his p***s with lotion until he ejaculated into a glass and then asked me to swallow the full amount all at once, which I did. It was quite easy. The more of his semen I swallowed, the more I began to like the taste of it and the smooth texture of it in my mouth…”