Mr. Blue and Me

Damaged

The rest of the week was running kinda smooth...the pain was bearable and the bleeding was only for 2 days...Rafa is still staying with me but Anthony is't too happy about it...maybe it's because he sleeps on the couch while Rafa sleeps with me...Anyway,today,6 days later, I go to the university to write one of my exams...the girls are helping me since I'm not completely healed,even though I feel fine...They keep yelling at me though about the abortion...When we get in the classroom I see John...we look at each other for some seconds and then I go to take a seat...after the exam he comes to talk to me

"Hey..." He says feeling kinda awkward

"Hey..."I reply the same way

"How did it go?" He asks

"U're asking about...?" I ask back

"about the exam..." He explains

"Oh...great actually..." I answer smiling lightly

"I'm glad...and..how about...the other thing?" he asks again

"It's done John...I'm sorry" I answer

"No, u're not..." He says

"I kinda am...I have a heart u know...it wasn't easy...but I didn't have a choice..." I defend myself

"Yes u had...u could keep it and we could raise it..." He replies hurt

"I didn't want to do that..." I reply

"Why?" He asks

"Because I don't love u..." I admit and he freezes

"U never did,didn't ya?" He asks

"I felt things for u...just...not love..." I explain

"So everything was a lie..." he comments

"No! I had a great time with ya...u are a really good guy and any girl would be happy to be with ya...and someone will love ya...someone might love ya even right now for all we know..." I reply as I put my hand on his cheek,but he turns his head the other way

"U could at least have said it earlier..." He says

"I know...I'm sorry...but don't let me ruin your confidence...there are great girls out there and I'm sure u'll find one soon..."I reply

"u're right...there are plenty of girls out there...and I chose ya...how lucky am I?"he says hurt and frustrated

"Look John...our relationship wasn't perfect...we just couldn't see it from the beginning...we are 2 completely different people...we wouldn't last for long anyway...so please move on..." I say

"well...I hope u find someone u'll love too...just don't let your damaged self damage them too..." He says and he leaves

"Wait! I'm not damaged..." I reply and he stops walking

"Yes, u are,doll..."He insists without turning to look at me and then he continues to walk...the girls finish too and they get out of the classroom

"Everything ok?" Stella asks

"Yeah...just...John said I'm damaged..."I answer

"Damaged? how?" Emma asks

"Oh come on...we know she is a little messed up..." Kate says

"He didn't say messed up...he said damaged...there's a difference..." I comment

"Well,I don't think it's true...so let's go..."Stella says and we leave...

On the way home I'm thinking what John said...when we arrive at my house I go straight to my room without saying anything

"What happened???" Rafa asks the girls

"John told her she's damaged and she keeps thinking about it..." Emma says

"Well I know she's damaged...but that doesn't mean anything...I mean she is still a functioning person..."Rafa explains

"Wait...what do u mean u know she's damaged? why is she damaged?" Stella asks

"Haven't she told u about her childhood or her previous friendships or anything?" Rafa asks

"No...only that her ex was a total asshole..." Kate replies

"Then I can't tell u anything...u must ask her..." Rafa says

"Fine...will u call us later to tell us how she is?" Emma asks

"Of course...did everything go ok with the exam?"Rafa asks

"Yeah better than we thought,actually!" Stella says relieved...

"that's perfect!" she replies

"well we're leaving! please keep us posted!"Kate asks again and they leave

Rafa comes to my room...I'm laying on my stomach with my face on the pillow

"Oh come on Alexa..." she starts as she sits on the side of the bed

"He told me I'm damaged...and to not let my damaged self, damage someone else..." I reply

"Look...let's be realistic...he is right...u are damaged...but u can still love and be happy..." She continues and I turn my head to look at her

"How do u know I'm damaged?" I ask

"U do things that not damaged people don't...for instance,u had an abortion...I think that if u weren't damaged,u wouldn't do that..." She answers and I get up to sit on the bed with my torso straight

"Do I need help???" I ask

"U need a counselor..." She replies

"Alright...I'm gonna get one...I don't wanna damage anyone else..." I say...

"U're not gonna do that..."

"Yes, I am...I hurt John and probably I ruined his confidence..."

"Look...the truth is u shouldn't have done that...but that's life... And now he knows u're damaged he will move on...it's not like u dumped him without a reason...even though that reason wasn't right..."

"U kidding? The only reason all that happened is because I love Anthony and I want to be with him...or...is this part of my damaged self?? Do I made that choice because I'm not sane enough???" I ask with tears in my eyes

"Alexa stop!!!!! U love Anthony just because u do...there's no other reason!!!!" She scolds me

"U don't know that...oh my god...why didn't u tell me sooner???"

"Because u were happy..."

"I wasn't...even if I laugh and have a good time I'm not happy..." I admit and I let my tears fall

"Alexa please...get some sleep and we'll talk about I later..."

"Fine...please don't tell Anthony...just tell him I was very tired and I slept..." I beg her

"Yeah ok..." She agrees and she kisses my forehead...I crawl under the blankets and Rafa leaves...after a few minutes I'm asleep...

When I wake up,at around 16.00 Anthony is beside me and strokes my hair...

"Hey..." I say sleepily and smiling as I stretch

"Hello princess..." He smiles back

"How long are u doing that?" I ask him

"Half an hour or so..." He answers

"U're kidding..."

"Nope...besides,u're doing it too when I'm asleep..." He defends himself

"Guilty!" I say and we laugh

"So...Rafa told me u were tired...is everything ok??" He asks

"Yeah..." I answer

"Alexa...u can't lie to me...u know that..." He replies

"Fine...John told me something that made me think about some things..." I admit as I get myself up so my back is pressed on the head of the bed

"What did he say?" he asks a little pissed...I tell him about my conversation with John

"And I figured out he is right...and that I need help..." I continue

"God I'll kill him!" He replies frustrated

"No!!! He is right...!!!! U just can't see it because u love me...but I am...and I'm afraid this will ruin us..." I explain looking down

"Babe..." He starts

"No...I'll go see a therapist and if he says I'm good,I'll get over it...ok??"

"Fine...but if he tells u that u're good,u will never think about it again...ok??"

"Yep! Just please...be patient with me...because if I'm not good,therapy will make me vulnerable and all my insecurities will come out...and..." He cuts me off by hugging me

"Shh...why don't u listen when I'm talking??? I'll always be here for u,no matter what..."

"Stop saying that...u don't know what might come out..."

"Ok so let's not discuss it till then...ok?"

"Yes...ok!" I agree

"So what do u wanna do tonight? And please don't tell me to watch movies,I've seen them all..." I ask him

"Well...here's a thing...I have to go to a gala tonight..." He answers

"Hmm fancy...!!! What kind of gala??" I ask

"Nothing special...just an annual gala the department of International and European Studies holds in the university..." He explains

"My department? So students can go too..." I say

"Yeah,but u can't come..." He replies and I frown

"What?? Why??" I ask

"Because u haven't healed yet and if u come I won't be able to keep an eye on u without giving out our relationship..." He.explains

"I'll come with the girls...they're gonna take care of me...I really wanna come...I promise not to bother u..."

"Alexa..."

"Come on babe!!! Please!!! I haven't been to a gala before..." I beg him

"Ugh...fine...but if u feel something strange we'll leave immediately!" he says and I hug him tight

"Promise!! What time is that???"

"21.00"

"so I have to go shopping..." I break the hug and I get up

"I'll give u my credit card" he offers

"Hell no!! I have money!!" I decline

"Come on...u never let me buy u anything except from roses and food...just take my card and buy whatever u want,no matter how much it costs...please..." he begs

"Jeez...no one else has ever begged me to spent their money..." I reply

"I want u to feel free to ask me to buy u whatever u need..." he explains

"U're like a sugar daddy now..." I comment smirking

"hmm...doesn't sound bad...I'd like u calling me daddy..." he replies and he winks

"Oh come on,ocean...not now...u know I can't f**k the s**t out of u these days..."

"I know...that's why I'm teasing u...so when u're ready u'll be horny AF and I will enjoy it..." He replies with a deep voice

"Ok then...Rafaaaa...get dressed...we're going shopping..." I say as I go to the bathroom...I hear him laugh

"Savage!!!!" I scream from the bathroom...