Eros: The Obsession

Chapter Nine

When Tara gets a message from Jun, she perks up from her place on the couch. She'd been lounging around all day, trying to shake off the strange mood she'd been in since he had left.

She sits up, reaching for her phone as her heart rate kicks up as she replies. She'd planned to wait for his response but her fingers suddenly have a mind of their own, dialing his number before she even registers it.

They have a pleasant conversation for the most part – and then he questions whether she really wants him to return. She doesn't know why she's so stricken by the thought of not seeing him again, doesn't understand what the clenching of her heart is in regards to, but she doesn't have time to process her reaction before she's desperately pleading on the phone for Jun to return.

Her voice cracks, tears springing to her eyes and she feels so helpless, so adamant on proving that she'd genuinely miss him, that she's eagerly awaiting his return. She's so distressed that she misses the first quiet moan.

For a second, she thinks she'd imagined it and her cheeks flush with shame at the thought. But then her hearing sharpens, acutely aware of every little sound that comes out of the receiver. She's so focused that even her own breathing is quiet, slowed so as to not miss the next moan – if there even is one.

And then she hears it. A desperate sounding groan, deep and from the back of Jun's throat as he tells her how infatuated he is with her.

And Tara shouldn't like it – she knows she shouldn't like the attention, shouldn't even condone something like this with a man she barely knows – but she does. She likes it more than she would care to admit. Her stomach clenches as a lick of arousal stirs within her gut, moving all the way to the tips of her toes. She curls her toes as she presses her thighs together, acutely aware of the way her s*x begins to warm, as arousal begins to pool against the material of her underwear.

She doesn't confront him at first, just continues to listen to him. Until Jun calls her name.

Her reaction is primal, this animalistic need to feel him inside of her so strong and encompassing that she can barely breathe with the force of it. She asks him if he's touching himself, the last semblance of coherent thought needing confirmation. He gives her the answer she'd been expecting, but it makes her react in a way she never would have reacted before.

It turns her on. She likes the idea of him touching himself to thoughts of her.

When she tells him to continue, it feels like Tara's being possessed by something entirely otherworldly, like it's not her controlling her actions and thoughts. She doesn't touch herself, barely even moves as she listens to him come undone. When Jun finally climaxes, she thinks she might too, with how strong her arousal is.

The place between her legs is soaked but her thighs refuse to move, clenched together with a vice-like strength she didn't know she'd possessed.

And then she hears Ren knocking on her door.

Instantly, it's like a spell has been broken and she feels traumatized by her actions. She ends the call abruptly, unable to form words with the force of her shame. She wants to cry, wants to rake her nails across her skin and claw whatever twisted infatuation this is out of her. 

When she lets Ren into the apartment, he immediately knows something is wrong. He pushes past the threshold, warm palms cupping her cheeks as his thumb gently brushes beneath her eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asks and Tara doesn't know how to reply.

Her shoulders sag hopelessly as she mutters, "I don't even know."

"Want to tell me about it?" Ren asks because he's an actual angel and more than she deserves.

Tara shakes her head and hates herself when she nuzzles into his neck, arms winding around him as she seeks his comfort. And like the amazing fiancé he is, he wraps his arms around her, strong and familiar, and lets her cry into his chest.

They stay like that for a long time before Ren decides that they're going to have a movie night. He picks her favorite film – 10 Things I Hate About You ­– and makes all of her favorite snacks. He even lets her wiggles her cold toes underneath his thighs when Tara starts to get a little chilly.

And all the while, the only thing that runs through Tara's head is the sound Jun made when he'd come with her name on his lips.

Ren tries to sleep with her that night but even with how pent up she is, Tara just can't. Every sound he utters makes her mind drift back to Jun and every feeling he evokes in her makes her wonder if Jun would do the same.

It drives her so insane with guilt that she doesn't go to sleep that night.

Or the night after.

The next night, she's so exhausted, she crashes on her bed before she even registers it. And then she dreams.

In her dream, she's writhing against her sheets. She can feel the gentle brush of hair against her thighs and her hands reach out to wind her fingers through the soft strands. A familiar groan escapes the person between her legs, causing more arousal to pool out of her.

She falls apart to the delicate brush of fingers against her legs, to the insistence of a tongue between her s*x. And it's nothing like she's ever felt before.

And then the person lifts his head and she's peering into the deep obsidian of Jun's eyes. Instead of the guilt she'd felt at first, now she feels peace. Everything feels right, she feels right lying beneath him as his hands and mouth roam her body.

It feels right to come apart by his doing, to moan his name – even though there's a nagging feeling at the back of her head, an insistent whisper that says no. Tara tries to sit up, that heavy feeling settling in her chest again as she thinks of Ren –

But then Jun kisses her. His lips slide against hers, wet and warm and perfect. And she melts against him, all thoughts fluttering away in rhythm with her heart as Jun rams a hand into her chest and wrenches it out.

Tara watches as he licks it with a pleased grin before sinking his teeth into the deep red flesh as it continues to beat in his hands. Even then, she feels at peace, like this was meant to happen.

Tara shoots out of bed with a shriek, gasping for breath as she shivers in the cold. Her body is soaked, completely drenched with sweat even though it's a chilly night. Her mind flashes with images of her dream and Tara flinches, hunching over the side of the bed as she empties the contents of her stomach onto the floor.

Ren, who'd been sleeping next to her, immediately shoots out of bed to turn the lights on before he returns to her side and rubs a soothing hand across her back. He pins back her hair – even though some of the strands are already messed – and just waits.

When Tara's finally done, he goes to get a warm washcloth to clean her face. He doesn't even bat an eye as he cleans her of vomit, doesn't flinch or wrinkle his nose in disgust. The only visible emotion is worry and Tara's heart clenches in both fondness and guilt. They twine around her chest, piercing into her heart.

"We need to take you to a doctor," Ren says, brows drawn together in worry.

"I'm fine," Tara rasps out, "Just a little stressed."

"Tara," he replies in a disapproving tone. "I'm taking you to a doctor. End of story."

"I don't have time-"

"Rossin will understand," he assures her in a firm but gentle tone. "I'm not watching the woman I love waste away because she thinks overworking herself isn't a big deal."

Tara doesn't have the heart to argue with him so she agrees without more of a fuss.

He helps her get cleaned up, running her a hot bath as he helps her get the vomit from out of her hair. When Tara is done with her shower, she steps out into her bedroom to find a gloved Ren scrubbing at the carpet with vigor.

Tara watches him for a moment, allowing herself to take him in. "I love you," she tells him. It's the surest thing she knows.

Tara speaks to Lillian about it because keeping these feelings to herself has driven her insane.

"When did this start?" the blonde asks, stirring her mug of coffee. They're both seated on the couch in Tara's apartment, their designated 'talk' area when one of them has a problem they need help solving.

"After Ren proposed," Tara scrunches her brows in thought. "I had this really weird dream and I woke up feeling so strange."

"What was the dream about?"

Tara hesitates, side-eyeing her friend as she asks, "Promise you won't freak out?"

Lillian scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Of course I won't freak out."

The journalist sighs before taking a deep, calming breath and launching into her story. "Well, I had a dream that Jun and I were making out and before you interrupt me, let me finish." She waits for Lillian to close her mouth before continuing. "So Jun and I were making out and then he bites my lip and I start bleeding, but it's not a normal amount. Like I'm bleeding torrents, from my eyes, from my mouth, until I'm basically covered in it. And he just stands there smiling at me."

"Is that how it ends?" Lillian asks in a careful tone.

Tara sighs. "Yeah, but the weird part about it was when I woke up. I don't think I've ever felt that horny in my life."

The blonde takes a while to reply. She furrows her brows, expression lost in thought. Tara tries not to let on how ashamed she feels but it feels like heat is radiating off of her with how her ears and neck burn from mortification.

"And you've been feeling this weird attraction to Jun ever since?" Lillian clarifies.

"It's not just attraction," Tara shakes her head with a frown. "I've never felt this way before. It's like I lose myself completely when he's around, like the only thing I exist for is to please him." She glances up then, eyes round and lost as she says, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Lillian hums noncommittally as she ponders her next words. Tara waits, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She doesn't expect the blonde to solve her problem but she'd like some guidance – needs someone to tell her that she's being a piece of s**t to her fiancé and that she needs to get her act together.

"Maybe it's just wedding jitters?" Lillian offers. "Maybe you're having second thoughts because you're nervous about getting married and those thoughts are being projected onto Jun because of how he feels about you."

"But I didn't know how he felt until last week!" Tara exclaims. "And these are some f****d kind of wedding jitters if the thought of Jun killing me makes me horny."

Lillian shrugs helplessly. "I honestly don't know what else it could be. Or maybe you are attracted to Jun and it's just manifesting in this kind of way because you don't want to feel that way about him and have subconsciously resorted to linking s*x with him to violence so that you don't feel attracted to him."

"Only, my brain has messed up and now I might have a vore kink," Tara chuckles dryly. Lillian grimaces at the joke so Tara sighs and asks, "What do you think I should do?"

"Avoid him," is the blonde's immediate answer. "Allowing yourself into situations like the ones you've been in have only led to you doing questionable things."

"I work with him, Lillian-"

"You work with a team of other men and you've never listened to them jack off before." The jab stings, and Tara feels tears well at the corners of her eyes. Lillian notices this and her expression softens. "You know Ren deserves better," she says in a quiet voice. "For his sake, just try and stay away from Jun."