Eros: The Obsession

Chapter Eighteen

It takes a moment for the haze to dissipate and for reality to come crashing down upon Tara.

She doesn't move at first, her legs numb around Jun as she straddles him. His words ring out in her head, over and over again as she tries to process exactly what had happened. It feels a little like a fever dream, with her body running hot and with her mind planets away in a realm where this is okay and she hasn't just cheated on her fiancé.

And then it comes crashing down.

Her body starts to tremble violently, her breathing coming short and suddenly there's not enough air in her lungs. She sucks in gasping breath after gasping breath as she flings herself off of Jun. He slides out of her with a harsh tug as she goes sprawling into the floor.

Jun watches her for a moment with wide, stunned eyes before he's reaching out with his fingers outstretched. "Are you okay?" he asks, voice tinged with worry.

"Don't touch me!" Tara shrieks, scrambling backwards because the thought of him laying a hand on her makes her sick to her stomach. Even as she says this, she feels a little of his release trickle out of her and hates that it makes her shiver with pleasure.

"What's wrong?" he asks, brows furrowed as he leans back to gauge her reaction.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" Tara's voice picks up in pitch, growing progressively more panicked. "My fiancé just caught me having s*x with you and you're asking me what's wrong?"

He frowns, rolling his eyes at the panic in her tone. "I don't see why it should matter anymore. You picked me, didn't you?"

"I-"

Tara cuts herself off because technically she had. In the haze of her arousal and loneliness, she'd led Jun on, welcomed him into her home and allowed him to have his way with her. But now that the haze is gone, now that she can think clearly, all she wants to do is run after Ren to fix things.

"I need some time," Tara tells Jun after a moment. "I need some time to figure things out, and I need to do it on my own terms."

"Excuse me?" Jun's voice dips into something dark and foreboding as he stands to his feet. He towers above her with his eyes narrowed in warning. "Some time to figure what out? You chose me," the last bit is said through gritted teeth, the words spat out with a venom she hadn't known he'd possessed.

"Yes, because I was horny and sad," she scoffs, ignoring the way her instincts make her want to curl in on herself. Instead, she stands to her feet, picking up her discarded pajamas as she continues, "You can't expect me to throw away everything I built with Ren on the off-chance that you'll stick around."

"So what?" Jun sneers, "I was just some pity f**k?"

"No," she huffs angrily, feeling that haze start to come upon her again at the disapproval and hurt in his tone. It takes everything in her not to give into the urge to just let this go, give Jun exactly what he wants and live with the consequences. So instead of falling into his arms and begging for his forgiveness like her body wants, she says, "Please, just leave so I can think things over."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Get out!" she snaps in retaliation to the entitlement in his tone, shoving him towards the door.

Her limbs are weaker than she'd anticipated and she barely nudges him before he grips her wrists, fingers tightly pressing into her wrists. "I'd watch how you speak to me, love," he warns her and the pet name makes her chest churn with a mixture of butterflies and bile.

"Get out, Jun," she mutters in a dark tone.

He glares at her for a moment before letting her go with a scoff. He pushes past her, stalking out of the open door, slamming it in his wake.

Tara stills once the apartment grows quiet, trying to reign in the emotions that threaten to overwhelm her. She can't even put a name to what she's feeling, a concoction of regret, arousal, anger and shame all culminating into a muffled sob that she chokes back. Her knees give out and she falls to the floor, crying into her hands as she finally processes the weight of her actions.

Ren doesn't speak to her. He doesn't answer her calls or reply to her text messages, so the only way she knows how to get in touch with him is by waiting it out at the kendo club that he teaches at. At five-thirty, half an hour after his shift has ended, he steps out of the traditional style building with a towel slung around his shoulders and his hair damp and sticking to his forehead. From where she stands, Tara can just make out the dark bags under his eyes and the guilt starts to feel like cement in her stomach, weighing her down and making it impossible to breathe.

When he sees her, his eyes narrow in warning, stance defensive as she approaches.

"What do you want?" he spits out.

"I just wanted to explain," she tells him in a quiet tone. "I thought that you at least deserved that."

He stares at her for a moment, gauging her reaction before he finally sighs in resignation. "Fine, but not here."

He leads her to his car, getting in the driver's seat without another word. Tara waits by the side of the car for a moment before realizing that he wants her to get in, as well. So she scrambles inside and holds her tongue as they drive to his apartment in silence.

When they get to his place, Ren gets out of the car and almost subconsciously walks over to her side to help her out. He reaches over to take her hand before he realizes what he's doing, letting it fall limp at his side as he steps back and waits for Tara to step out.

The walk up to his floor is painfully awkward, a heavy silence settling over them. Tara can't bear to look him in the eyes, but she finds herself sneaking a few glances of him here and there. Ren doesn't catch her, resolutely staring at the wall with his brows furrowed in anger.

They finally get to his apartment and he leads her to the dining room table, taking a seat while motioning for Tara to do the same. He doesn't offer her a drink like he usually does and Tara assumes it's because he wants to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Alright," he tells her in a curt tone. "Explain."

Tara takes a deep breath as she tries to gather her courage, before she realizes that she honestly doesn't know where to begin. So, with her shoulders falling in defeat, she whispers, "I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies, Tara," he grits out. "I want answers."

"I don't even know if I have them," she sighs, scrubbing her palms over her face.

"How long have you been seeing that guy?"

"Jun?" she asks and her brows furrow in confusion when she realizes that she honestly doesn't know. "I haven't been seeing him," she tells Ren. "Not technically."

"So you f****d a random stranger?"

She winches at the harsh tone of his voice but doesn't defend herself because a part of her knows that she deserves it. "He's not a stranger, exactly. We've been working together for a while," she explains. "But it's never been more than friendly conversation between us."

"I've heard you moan his name in your sleep!" Ren snarls and then grits his teeth to silence himself. He schools his expression into something more neutral as he continues, "He can't just be a friend."

"But he was!" Tara huffs. "Nothing was going on between us until then."

Ren's brows furrow in confusion. "Did you have feelings for him or something?" Tara doesn't know how to respond to that in a way that would spare his feelings so she remains silent with a guilty frown twisting her features.

His expression softens then as he reaches over the table to take her hand. "Help me understand, Tara. I know this isn't something you'd do and I'm just trying to understand how everything ended up this way."

She glances up at him, gaze hesitant and a little frightened. He stares back in that same soft look that he has for her whenever she's too wrapped up in her own mind to realize that she's hurting herself. It's filled with nothing but sympathy and gentleness and Tara hates that there's no guilt or anger. She hates how understanding he is, despite how much she's hurt him. She knows that he deserves at least some kind of explanation.

So she tells him about her dreams.

She tells him about when they began, and how she's slowly found herself drawn to Jun. She tells him about the strange haze that overcomes her whenever she's in the other man's presence, about the way her very being seems intent on existing for the sake Jun's happiness.

And as she speaks, as she puts words to the feelings that have consumed her these past few weeks, Tara knows that things with Ren cannot continue. He seems to come to the same realization but there's a part of him that looks terrified on her behalf when he says, "That's not normal. Those kinds of feelings aren't normal, Tara. What did he do to you?"

She shrugs helplessly. "Nothing," she says with a sad smile. "He did nothing wrong. This is all on me. I've led you both on and played with both of your feelings because of this twisted infatuation I've developed for him."

"So, what? Are you leaving me for him?"

"I wish it were that simple," Tara sighs. "I don't even know if I can be with him, not after what I did to you."

Ren shakes his head, squeezing her hands in his. "I don't buy that this is all your fault," he says. "Not knowing who you are. He did something to you and I'm going to find out exactly what he did."

Tara frowns, pulling her hands from his. "This has nothing to do with him, Ren. I don't want you to get involved."

"Do you understand how crazy everything sounds?" he exclaims. "This isn't you. Nothing you just told me sounds like you."

"Well, it is," she snaps, standing to her feet as she pulls the engagement ring out of her pocket. "And I'd like you to stay out of it." She sets the ring on the table, taking a deep breath as she tries to soften her voice. "I didn't come here to ask you to play knight in shining armor. I came here to apologize for being a shitty girlfriend."

Ren stares at the silver band, watching as it glitters under the light of the dining room lamp. "So, this is it then? You're not even going to try fix things?"

"To fix things," Tara begins with a lick of her lips, "I would have to know what's broken, and currently, everything feels broken."

He takes a deep breath, reaching out to take the ring. He glances up then, expression unreadable as he purses his lips before saying, "Alright, promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Stay away from Jun."

Tara takes exhales in resignation. "I don't think I can do that."

"Then I don't think I can let this go," he says. "Not until I find out what he's done to you."