Eros: The Obsession

Chapter Sixteen

Absolute mortification is the only thing Tara feels when she escapes Jun's apartment. The heat of shame clings to her cheeks as she feels the stickiness of her arousal soak through her underwear. Even now, as she retreats to her apartment, she can still feel the ghost of Jun's fingers against her, can still feel the hot press of his tongue upon her. Her knees are weak with pleasure as they carry her to her room, fingers trembling as she strips herself before stepping into the shower.

She turns on the water as hot as it can go, hoping to burn away her guilt but no matter how red her skin becomes, no matter how much she tries to scrub away her shame, she still feels Jun around her, in her.

That night, she cries herself to sleep, three fingers within her as she tries to mimic the feeling of his fingers.

When Tara leaves for work early that morning, she doesn't expect to see Jun waiting outside her door. He leans against the railings in his usual suit and tie outfit, his hair slicked back this time to reveal prominent brows and sharp eyes.

The way he looks at her is teasing, playful with hints of amusement glistening in his eyes. "Good morning, love," he says and the pet name makes her knees go week.

"What are you doing?" Tara stammers out, voice trembling with nerves.

"Walking you to work," he shrugs like it's obvious.

Tara huffs, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves as she replies, "I need some time, Jun. To figure things out."

"And I'll give you time," he tells her, reaching over to take her hand in his. "But we're going to be late for work, so I suggest we get going." She's too stunned to pull away, so she lets him tug her along, mind zeroed in on the warmth of his palms around hers.

They walk to work like normal and Jun doesn't bring up the events of the previous night. He doesn't even bring up the issue of her avoiding him for weeks, choosing to act like they were before everything had gone wrong. Only, now he's bolder, brushing against her arms or chest 'accidentally' every time they get too close.

Tara tries to ignore it, willing the heat that coats her cheeks to go away but it doesn't. Instead, she's in a permanently flustered state, especially when a leaf gets tangled in her hair and Jun takes it upon himself to get it out, cool knuckles brushing over the exposed skin on her neck and causing a shiver to run down her spine.

When they get to work, Jun seems intent on not leaving her side, sitting at his desk with one eye always trained on her. For the first time since he'd returned, he sits with her in the cafeteria, legs tangled with hers as he eats his lunch with a nonchalant grin.

The others seem to notice as well, Eric casting her side-long glances that radiate disapproval. They don't bring it up though, and for that, Tara is grateful. Even Caroline, who Jun hasn't spoken to since their date, can't take her eyes off the pair. When Tara encounters her in the bathroom, she finds out why.

"Didn't peg you for the unfaithful type," Caroline drawls in a condescending tone, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares Tara down with an air of superiority.

"I didn't peg you for the desperate type," Tara scoffs out her reply. "You do realize that Jun not returning your calls is probably a hint that he doesn't want to be with you?"

What she says hits a nerve, the smile falling off of the red-head's face as she grimaces in response. "And he wants you?"

"Evidently," Tara responds in an even tone. She should feel guilty about the satisfaction she feels at her words, but nothing about Caroline's indignant demeanor makes her feel terrible in the slightest. In fact, she relishes in the way the other woman's cheeks pink with shame, in the way her eyes narrow in indignation.

"And your fiancé is okay with sharing you with other men?" the other woman asks.

The mention of Ren has Tara come crashing back and suddenly she doesn't feel as smug about Caroline's apparent jealousy. She doesn't respond, but the red-head doesn't wait for one. With a vicious smile, she struts out of the bathroom.

Jun doesn't try anything with her but he everything he says has an edge to it, a curl of seduction laced in every suggestive phrase. He doesn't touch her, not in any s****l way but he's always there, just a little too in her space, leaning infinitesimally closer so that the scent of his cologne permeates the air around her.

Her mind goes hazy at the smell, clean and with a hint of musk that she's come to associate with Jun, and she finds her will slowly breaking day by day. It doesn't help that he seems to know exactly what he's doing, gazing at her with a knowing smirk that makes her chest molten. It makes her feel guilty and pleased at the same time, so that Tara can't trust any decision she makes.  

It's why she stops taking Ren's calls, too ashamed of herself to face him, or even speak to him. She dodges every one of his calls, ignores texts until he stops trying. When Lillian and Jin bring it up, Tara is quick to dismiss them, calling them out on being too nosy as she stews with guilt. Eventually, they stop trying to figure out what's going on with her, and Tara feels both relieved and disheartened. But eventually, that dissipates too, until the only thing that occupies her mind is the thought of Jun.

Day by day, she feels herself giving into this urge to give herself over to him, to submit to this obvious craving she has. Even the dreams start to take on a more erotic tinge, terrifying in content but charged with this almost devotional trust.

They start to grow more frequent until she's dreaming about him every night. Each night, a new scenario plays out, some involving s*x and others less explicit. A constant remains though – her feelings in these dreams are always sure, always single-minded. She wants Jun, in whatever way he wants her, and it's his happiness that matters. Dream Tara becomes so submissive, so pliant to his will that it slowly starts to seep into Tara's life.

She finds herself gravitating towards the man, mind and body always honed in on him. When he asks her to do something, she'll agree, regardless of what she thinks at that time. When he disapproves, it shatters her very being, making her want nothing more than to cease to exist. And when he wants her – and he always does, gaze heavy with that mixture of lust and longing that she's come to associate with him – almost every part of Tara wants to give in even though she knows that she shouldn't.

Which is why, when she hears him moan out her name from the other side of the wall, she finds herself pressed up against it, holding her breath as she waits.

It comes again, low and breathy like he can barely contain himself. Tara doesn't understand what he's doing but a part of her can guess. And even then, when she should be disgusted by his blatant manipulation, she listens.

She hears rustling from the other side, muffled by the plywood but just barely audible over the quiet sounds of her breathing. A strangled whine accompanies the rustling, eventually replaced by a voice tinged with yearning, "Tara, please."

She pauses for a moment, wondering whether she should make her presence known. She doesn't want to encourage him but a part of her wants to know exactly what his intentions are. "What are you doing, Jun?" she asks in a careful tone.

It's silent for a moment as he takes in the fact that she's listening to him. And even though she can't see him, she can hear the smile in his voice as he replies, "I was waiting for you."

"You just assumed I'd be okay with this?" She tries to sound angry but a part of her feels disappointed in herself for giving into his ploy.

"You could always just leave," he scoffs. "I'm not exactly doing anything wrong?"

"Getting off to me while unabashedly moaning my name isn't wrong?"

"Technically, no," Jun snickers.

"I have a fiancé," Tara hisses angrily, frowning at the audacity he has to sit there and make her feel like she's the only one in the wrong. "I have a fiancé and this is inappropriate!"

"Just like it was inappropriate when I was three fingers deep inside you?" He's not wrong but the comment stings nonetheless and she winces at the blasé way that he says it. "Why are you even with someone so indifferent about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I were him and I thought that you were having second thoughts, I'd do everything I could to change your mind," Jun snarls and Tara pictures the way his brows would furrow in anger at the ferocity of his words. "I wouldn't just let you go, not without a fight."

Her heart sings at the admonition as a small, reluctant smile curls its way across her mouth. "You would?" she asks, oddly touched by his words.

"I would move heaven and hell to be with you, Tara," he says, this time more subdued and in a quiet whisper. "You have no idea what I'd give up to be with you."

"And you think that I should pick you over the man I've been with for four years?"

"I do," he tells her. "Especially when I know that I'll love you for longer than a measly four years."

"He does love me," Tara retaliates but it sounds more like she's trying to convince herself and not Jun.

"Is that why he hasn't seen you in weeks?"

She grits her teeth, blinking away the tears that threaten to spill over as she replies. "How did you know?"

"Because you fill my every waking thought," he sighs. "And because I notice you, even when you feel like no one else does. I know that you haven't seen him in weeks and I know that it's slowly killing you inside." He takes a deep breath then and Tara hears him get to his feet. "Let me prove to you that I can love you more than he can."

Tara chews on the bottom of her lip, contemplating his words. "What you're asking, it's a lot..."

"I know," Jun replies. "And I'm asking you to trust me with it."

She wants to reject his offer but the moment she thinks it, she's overcome with such a feeling of grief, of mourning that the words can't leave her mouth. It constricts her air, this foreign feeling winding its way down her throat and taking root in her heart like the very thought of being without Jun will kill her.

A gasp chokes its way out her mouth, her eyes brimming over with hot tears as her nose starts to bleed. And as she feels herself slipping, Jun calls out, "Tara," in a voice filled with longing, with hope, and it eases that ugly thing that had been trying to suffocate her. He calls her name again, this time softer and with such a gentle tone that that familiar haze washes over her. Her limbs grow weak, barely able to keep her upright as her mind slows to a stop and all she knows is that desperate longing to please him.

Her very being melts into submission, growing quiet, docile, as she presses her ear to the wall and listens.

"Tara, please," Jun begs. "Stop resisting me," he says and for a moment – shorter than a breath – she hears him speak in the tone of a thousand voices.

She takes a deep breath, mind finally at ease.

"Okay."