Shattered Hearts, Unspoken Bonds

Chapter 4

"Mary," Riley's voice reverberates through Jeremy's front door. Immediately, I separate myself from Jeremy and sprint toward the front door.

As soon as I open the door, I recognize something isn't right.

He's been crying.

His hair is a mess.

His eyes are red.

Immediately, I know it's my mom.

I should have stayed home. Regret strangles me, making it complicated to speak. I can't speak. I can't. Because I know something isn't right. And, the moment I ask questions, I know I'll hear something, I don't want to hear.

"It's Latt." Riley chokes out while he drags me toward his jeep.

Voluntarily, I go with Riley and notice he's driving straight toward the hospital.

And, I know, this is it.

Cancer stole my father, and now it's stealing my mother.

Mom wanted me to go out tonight, and she wouldn't stop until I agreed to go.

She begged and pleaded with me to have fun. Maybe, she knew, and that's why she wanted me gone.

Though, I should have known not to leave her side. But, mom being the person she is always looked out for me.

She always wanted what was best for me.

And, throughout her whole journey, her sickness, and her pain, it was me she worried about.

"Live your life for me, Mary." Is what she said. But how can I live my life if she isn't here to live it with me?

"What happen Riley?" He grasps my hand. His eyes water, "She had a heart attack "

The f*****g chemo.

It's supposed to help, yet the poisons were too f*****g strong for her, and my mother's heart couldn't handle it.

"Is she dead?" I cry out, choking on my words.

Riley shakes his head left to right, but I can tell he's holding something inside.

She hada heart attack.

She hada heart attack.

Not my mother.

She's strong. The strongest person I know. Mom might appear to be weak since she's started chemo, but on the inside, she's made of stone.

As soon as the jeep comes to a halt, I jump out and rush toward the emergency room glass sliding doors.

Riley catches me from behind, "Brace yourself for the worse, Mary." He cries on my shoulder. I twist around in his arms, "How do I brace myself to lose my mother, Riley?" I scream as tears spill from my eyes, "She's not going to f*****g die. So, stop telling me to prepare myself for something I'm not ready for." Ill never be ready for that. There is no way I could prepare myself for the death of my mother.

Riley tosses his car keys to Megan for her to park the jeep. Oddly, I hadn't even noticed Megan was here.

She catches the keys and climbs into the driver's seat.

Meanwhile, Riley leads me down the hospital hall, to a waiting area where Bliar and Tom are waiting.

As soon as Bliar notices Riley and me, she drags me into a hug, "Im sorry," She stammers.

I yank out of her hold, "Where is she?" Bliar attempts to pull me into her arms, but I jerk away from her, "She didn't want you to see this." Bliar cries.

"She's not dying," I wail. I glance at Riley, "Take me to my mother. " I shout.

Riley guides me toward the exit, "Latt askedus not to let Mary watch her die when it was her time." Bliar says, remorsefully.

"It's her mom," Riley replies as he puts his arms around my shoulder. "I'd want to be by your side if it were you mom." Bliar sobs into her hands as she follows behind Riley and me.

My mother.

My best friend.

My rock.

She's not going to die.

She's gonna prove all of them wrong. She has to. She can't reunite with my father yet because I need her here with me.

Mary

"Now that you're here, we have to remOve her from the life support. The only reason we've kept her on life was to wait for your arrival." The doctor voices as the nurse attempts to remove my mothers I.V.

Swiftly, I snatch hold of the nurse's arm, "Leave it alone." I express deadly.

Unbelievably, my family is giving up on her while she's still breathing. "They have to Mary," Bliar affirms as she rubs my shoulder. "Your mom signed a 'Do Not Resuscitate."

I shake my head in disbelief considering my mother wouldn't have done that without informing me.

My mother and I shared everything with each other. Therefore, I don't believe Bliar. "I don't believe you," I admit, feeling angry and hurt.

Undoubtedly, I'm not letting them pull that plug, and give up on her.

The doctor slides a white piece of paper out of mom's medical chart and shows me the document with her signature.

Clearly, it is her signature; her handwriting. "As long as she's breathing, she stays on it," I inform him while wiping at the endless amount of tears.

Riley tugs me to his side, "They can't Mary. The doctor could lose his job if he doesn't follow through with her last wishes. He only kept her on it because I begged them to so you could be here."

"I don't understand Riley. She was talking when I left earlier today. She begged me to go out and have fun." I cry into Riley's side.

"She knew, Mary. She knew." Riley drawS me closer and wraps both arms around me.

I notice the doctor out of the corner of my eye, and realize he's pushing buttons, "I said don't take her off." I attempt to dart toward him, but Riley lifts me and carries me out the room.

He presses my back against the wall, It's time, Mary." He brushes my hair out of my face, "She's suffering."

"Like I don't know that." I cross my arms, "How many times have I held her hair while she vomited? Or wake in the middle of the night to give her pain medicine because she'd cry outin her sleep? How many nights have I laid next to her and comforted her while she was in pain or having a coughing fit that seemed to last for hours?" I look down at the floor, "I understand she's suffering. Christ, I've suffered with her. I felt her pain. I cried with her. However, I'm not letting anyone take her from me." Importantly we were together, and that's all that mattered.

Therefore, I refuse to allow anyone to take herfrom me.

My mom's hospital door opens. I glance toward the door and notice the nurse is standing there, "Now is the time to come inside, if you want to be by her side." Straight away, I rush into the room and stand by my mother's side.

Gone are the needles, the wires, and the tubes.

I stare at my mother and as she gasps for air, again and again.

"I told you not to do it," I say peering at the doctor. "You're allowing them to kill her," I state while glancing at my family.

"That's enough, Mary," Tom replies. "Nobody wanted this. We love her as much as you do."

"Then how could you allow the doctor to remove her from the life support? She was f*****g breathing." I yell, angrily as sadness passes through me.

The sound of my mother gasping for air echoes throughout the room. "I love you, Mom." I stroke her cheek, as her mouth opens, gasping again,

"Please don't leave me." I beg, andI cry. "I need you more, then you'll ever know." She has to fight.

She has to breathe because the day she stops is the day I'll stop.

I lower my mouth down to her ear, "I was drinking and smoking pot, Mom. I've been doing it for the past month with Jeremy." I place a kiss on her cheek, and alloW my tears to fall onto her face, "Please, open your eyes and scream at me." Sadly, my mother's eyes remain closed.

Riley saunters over and takes hold of her hand, while Bliar leans over her, and Tom stands beside Bliar.

"Breathe mom." I place my hand on the side of her cheek, "Breathe for me, mom." I climb into her bed and lay my arm over her stomach.

Her body jerks while she gasps and gasps for air until she doesn't grasp anymore. "Time of death, 11:59."

My mother takes her last breath on my birthday.

"Oh, God. No." I cry onto her shoulder. She hugged me hours ago.

She talked to me.

She pleaded with me to go out and enjoy my birthday.

I shouldn't have listened.

I shouldn't have left.

I should have stayed by her side.

"I love you so much, mom." I weep as I rest my head on her shoulder. "I need more seconds, more hours, more days, to tell you how much I love you. Please don't leave." Eighteen years wasn't enough time with her. Not when I wanted a lifetime.

I always thought my mother would be here. I thought she'd help me dress on my wedding day and spoil her grandchildren. But, life got in the f*****g way and took her from me.

I need a rewind to take it back to the days our lives forever changed. "If I knew you were giving up, I wouldn't have left you, mom." If I knew today would have been the last time I hugged her, I wouldn't have let her go.

Riley lifts me off the bed, and I fight him. I'm not ready to leave her.

I can't leave her. She's the only part of me I have left.

"You did this," I shouted. "All of you did this." I claw and bite, yet he doesn't put me down.

Blame.

Anger.

Hurt.

I feel it all.

"We didn't do this, Mary. She had a heart attack." Riley says with tears sliding down his cheeks. "She wasn't breathing. The machine was breathing for her."

Her stomach was moving.

Her heart rate was normal.

They're all lying to me.

"She wasn't gasping for air until you took me from this room, and he removed her from the life support." I gesture toward the doctor.

"You saw the paper." Bliar says, "This is what she wanted."

"I don't care what that paper said. She's my mother." I scream loudly while I push at Riley's shoulder, "Put me down."

Riley keeps his arms around me tightly, "Your mother talked to me about a month ago. She knew you were hurting, and the last thing she wanted was to leave you. She admitted she was tired and didn't have much fight in her."