Sioggard - The Moon Flower Luna

3.

She felt really exhausted.

Waking up the next morning Isadore felt intensely the effects of the eclipse that had just passed, overwhelming her heart and body.

And it was terribly hard, to keep smiling and pretending nonchalance when the pain destroyed her soul leaving her so empty and more frail that any other time. In case uncle Viktor would come to visit her.

At each eclipse and the weeks after Isadore had only wanted to close her eyes and surrender to tiredness but the fear of the uncertainty of the future that awaited her uncle had devastated her, pushing her to fight.

What good was it though? She had fought so hard to die anyway without knowing how to stop it and to be honest Isadore no longer wanted to stop it.

She was selfish perhaps but as much as she feared for her uncle, with each passing year a new fear took hold of her with ferocious intensity.

And this time was so much worse.

Because in a few weeks she would have turned seventeen which left her only a year ahead before turning into a monster and Isadore could not accept it. She had always denied her roots and the horrible being asleep in her heart that was waiting to be awakened when she will be of age.

A year and then she would discover her fate because that was her last resort, at least according to the healers who thought that the monster that would live inside her could free her from her curse.

Isadore however prayed to the moon every night that they were wrong, because between her curse and the monstrous creature she would become in a year or so, she preferred to die consumed with pain.

One year she thought turning her gaze to the sky that began to lighten above her head, Isadore looked at the moon that was still faintly shining and prayed in her heart that it would give her the strength to endure what was waiting for her from that day on.

Now that the death clock had started running frantically for her and freedom was truly her last stray of hope, she could no longer waste her time continually waiting and passively accepting her destiny.

Pretending that the life she had lived so far was enough for her not to displease Uncle Viktor, she could no longer do it.

Isadore was not afraid of dying but she also desperately wanted to live, only that the life she wanted was not the one she could have trapped there, inside the kingdom.

Isadore dreamed of a future outside the confines of Sioggard, in the human world mixed in the midst of the crowd to build the future she so much longed for.

If only it was possible, Isadore sighed like every time she thought about it, as much as he loved her not even Uncle Viktor could have understood her and she had never mentioned it.

Her wishes would have been considered high treason if they had become public, because despite of her, Isadore was part of the kingdom herself, she was the daughter of her parents and in her heart lived a monster waiting to be born.

But she would have chosen death instead of allowing him to awaken, Uncle Viktor would have had to make a reason out of that cause Isadore could accept her curse but not a future in the kingdom, it would have been like living a nightmare every day unable to wake up and she could not resign herself to the 'idea.

That was why she really was kind of relieved knowing she was dying soon.

She would have to give up her dreams of living a life no one around her could understand, but at least she would not have to become the monster she feared so much.

Lying under the blankets, Isadore stayed in bed listening to the day come to life as she awaited Chlea's arrival.

As much as she was still weak, she should have got up to take a bath and get ready for the day's commitments, but didn't see the point of it and felt so very tired. She didn't want to fight anymore, Isadore thought closing her eyes when the sun came to disturb her rest later on.

Turned to the opposite side covering her head with the quilt and focused on the nothing behind her lids. She was even tired of thinking.

The morning dragged on slowly and exhausted, and around nine Chlea finally arrived knocking on her door but Isadore did not wanted to answer. She let her come in and come to check on her regardless of the disapproval in Chlea’s gaze and the incoherent flow of her chatter.

Isadore looked at the woman with glazed eyes when her caretaker forced her to face her and then laid back under the covers when Chlea left, but she wasn't left alone for long.

With dull eyes Isadore watched helplessly as some waitresses from the castle went in and out of her room for about half an hour bringing her boxes and packages packed with care and attention.

Gifts from Uncle Viktor as always after each eclipse.

Feeling more and more tired, Isadore held back a sigh of relief when she was alone again, but her peace was again disturbed only a few minutes later. She heard a knock on the door but the sound of it came distant and muffled, Isadore did not answered, hoping that whoever was would go away and leave her in peace, believing her to be asleep.

Unfortunately, despite her silence the doors opened and seeing doctor Morgens come in her mood plummeted further.

Her eyes were shining with dry tears because she was really too tired but Isadore didn't cry, she remained motionless, continuing to stare into space with empty eyes and heart in pain while the old doctor assisted by a diligent Chlea checked her vital signs.

Uncle Viktor finally arrived while the healer was taking her pulse and his worried gaze veiled her own with unshed tears but Isadore didn't cry even that time.

Instead, she remained docile, allowing Dr. Morgens to ascertain her condition, leaving him the freedom to manipulate her as he pleased because she was just too weak to try to resist.

Even keeping her eyes open however, became tiring as doctor Morgens subjected her to his tests. She wanted to lower her eyelids and be overcome by darkness, but the noise and tension in the room was disturbing her.

Trying to concentrate, Isadore focused on Uncle Viktor and saw that he was arguing heatedly with the old healer. The bright tones hurt her ears and Isadore turned away from them, feeling consumed by her weakness.

She finally closed her eyes because she could no longer resist the inhibition, and shrouded in darkness, she let herself be transported to a dark and silent limbo where her soul could finally rest peacefully.

One day, then another and a third one, the hours followed each other long and exhausting and Isadore counted the passing of time lost in her dark and distant limb where the sounds came through their echo and the images appeared blurred and indistinct.

Time, she didn't had any time to waste, but couldn't do anything about it, she has fallen prey to the disabling fever that hit her after each moonset.

There was no cure to it, experience has teached her and Isadore was well aware she just had to rest and wait for the fever to die down but this time it did not really mattered.

She was going to die anyway, her time was up, whether Uncle Viktor accepted it or not, the truth shone in her dull eyes.

She had heard them talk, the doctors, the healers, the elderly, all those who had visited her in the last three days had come out with their heads down from her room defeated once again by the incurable disease that afflicted her.

Despite Uncle Viktor's efforts, life was leaving her, her heart was beating much slower by now.

Isadore had almost forgotten it herself, accustomed to living above her means every year a little more she had given herself to hope, for Uncle Viktor, for Aileen and because in her own way she had lived fully.

Pretending that she didn't care that she was different, had ended up believing that fiction, and despite the agonizing suffering at each eclipse, had continued to live the present thinking about the future.

There was no longer a future in her destiny, however, it was time to accept it and fight for one last chance or surrender to the cursed fate and resign herself to wait for her last breath.

She had already wasted too much time and could not waste any more but first she had to go back to the present and despite herself, no matter how hard she tried, Isadore could not. She did not have the strength to fight and the only thing she could do was waiting and in the meantime would begin to resign herself.

To death.

She should have started saying goodbye to the world, and although the thought saddened her, Isadore was not afraid.

Despite allowing the hope to germinate in her heart, the death had been her constant companion over the years.

She had lived without regrets and had many things she was grateful for, the affection of Uncle Viktor, Aileen and her teachings, the limited, albeit freedom she had constantly enjoyed.

And most of all she would not become a monster.

No, she was not afraid of dying because life had given her the greatest of gifts placing Uncle Viktor and Aileen on her path and if now it was time to pay her good luck she was ready to do it.

Isadore felt somehow sad and would have been until the end, but she didn't fear death, it was life that frightened her now because what she had left to live would be very different from the protected and privileged existence she was used to.

It was inevitable. Uncle Viktor already started to make a fuss because, no matter what he would have never been ready to accept the truth.

Choking on a groan that she could not emit when the fever returned to consume her, Isadore closed her eyes and abandoned herself to oblivion because she had no other way to fight the flames that burned her heart.

Isadore let them burn, gritting her teeth and silently enduring her agony as she felt them grow in intensity hour after hour until towards morning they finally released her from their coils.

Then yielding to fatigue, Isadore abandoned herself to sleep, finally allowing herself the rest she so desperately longed for.

It was getting worse however, when she woke up a few hours later, the sun shone brightly in the autumn sky rivaling the fire that set her blood on fire. Her pain was bearable but the weight of her oppressing chest had worsened, crushing her heart which was beating at a slower rate.

Her hour was approaching sooner than she had believed, Isadore thought, bravely holding back the tears she felt in the depths of her eyes.

She feared for Uncle Viktor and his reaction but trusted in the moon to protect and guide him even when she was gone.

Isadore then thought of Aileen, wanted to see her again, before it was too late. She didn't know how much time she had left so wanted to at least say her goodbye.

Before it was really too late.

But the house was silent and no one came to disturb her in the afternoon.

Left alone and too weak to ask for help, Isadore could not help it but wait and hope someone will come to check on her as the night was preparing to take over another long and tiring day.

It was the sound of rain against the wind that woke her that night, snatching her from her indistinct nightmares to bring her back to consciousness.

Isadore was still feeling very tired and weak and felt the pain rise up when she forced herself to stand, the rain was calling her, disturbing her rest.

The chill penetrated the weak barrier of her nightgown but Isadore didn't really care, the feeling of suffocation that gripped her heart in a painful grip prevented her from feeling the cold of the night.

An intense gust of wind hit her hard when she opened the balcony doors, freezing the blood in her veins, but Isadore welcomed the cold with relief, letting it drive away the oppression that was choking her breaths.

With her eyes closed, her arms around her trembling torso, she took a step forward, breathing in the intoxicating scent of the night, letting herself be seduced by its pungent shades.

The air smelled of fir resin, fresh wood and a hint of rain with indistinct traces of elderflower, but there was also a crooked note in that mixture that stirred her restless thoughts.

A sharp, piercing sensation that called into her mind a sense of awareness that burned her heart.

Opening her eyes, Isadore starred in the dark abruptly, feeling the force of his presence overwhelm her with cruel intensity.

He was staring at her, Isadore could feel his eyes stripping her of her reserve, violating her defenses to expose her fragility and despite herself she couldn't stop him.

Indifferent to the rain, standing on his paws in front of her window, majestically, he looked at her and his gaze pierced through her heart making her shiver more than the wind did.

She hated him, Isadore thought, meeting the gaze of the silver eyes that stared at her frowning in the darkness of the night. She hated him more than she could put into words because in front of him she was stripped of the walls she had built around herself, leaving her weaknesses exposed.

And even then she had never given him the satisfaction of seeing her bend to his will, subjected to the veil of authority that he carried around like a second skin.

He was not yet her Alpha and Isadore held his silver gaze coldly, letting all the hatred and resentment that burned in her veins shine through her own eyes.

She hated him with the same impetus of fear that annihilated her reason every time she collided with his dark steel eyes because the force contained within them made her heart tremble.

She had fought with that fear for years, fighting hard not to give in to the silent promises it contained. She hated him more than her heart could handle.

Wiping away a lonely tear, when she was no longer able to hold his gaze, Isadore turned away from him and went back to her room trembling convulsively.

It wasn't fair, she thought distraught, trying to contain the tears but the tears fell of their own free will, mocking her and she was no longer able to contain them. She hated him, hated the reign, hated her own life.

Taking refuge under the blankets, Isadore continued to cry because she could find no other outlet for the pain that stung her chest like the flutter of a thousand butterflies in flight.

Cried for her inertia, for the inevitability of her fate, for the hatred that made her breath sour and most of all she cried because she didn't know what else to do until she ran out of all her tears and then closed her eyes, allowing fatigue to take over.