The Property of Edward James

Chapter Two-3

“So… you two know each other?” the director asked.

I looked over at Elizabeth and let her handle it.

“We’ve known each other for years. Edward happens to be my acting coach,” Elizabeth said.

“She’s a promising new talent, a natural,” I threw in, not sure whether Mr. Farnsworth was buying it.

“I see. OK then, kids. Come on in.”

I stood up with Elizabeth, my heart pounding in my chest.

I chided myself for not reading more of the script to prepare myself for the cold reading. I was usually over prepared, so winging it was not my normal approach at auditions. But if being over prepared led to my career as a busboy, balancing half eaten Grand Slam breakfast plates in my arms, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to try something new. What did I have to lose?

The room where the audition took place felt strange right away. There was no lighting equipment. All I saw was a simple cheap-looking camera set up on a tripod, with a little tiny light shining from it. There was a table with a silver chalice and a small bowl on it next to an old wooden bench. Two candles on top of the table flickered light throughout the room. As far as the set was concerned, there was nothing other than a simple wooden cross hanging from the wall behind us. Elizabeth and I sat down together on the hard bench and Mr. Farnsworth, Impresario of the South Bay, the Great Auteur, and the Scorsese of Adult Videos, stood in front of his camera, silhouetted by the camera’s light.

“So, have you had a chance to review the scene?” Farnsworth asked.

“Well, actually,” I mumbled.

“No…” Elizabeth said.

I began to feel like I was in one of my recurring nightmares, where I was performing a play in front of a huge crowd, but I had no idea what my lines were. Towering above us in the dim light, Mr. Farnsworth took charge.

“Perhaps it would help if I set the scene. “The Monastery” is the story of a Catholic monk, Brother William, whose parents wish him to enter a monastery as a novice and take the vows of poverty and chastity in devotion to God, after a scandal with a neighbor’s wife. Despite his desire to live a spiritual life, he is slowly seduced by an attractive servant girl, Magdalena. Due to the effects of the monk’s physical deprivation from the lack of water and food during his training period, you never quite know whether the seduction is real, or if it’s all taking place in the monk’s slowly unraveling mind. There is one other character, which I will play to save money on the project, Father England, who runs the monastery and is Brother William’s spiritual adviser. This is the first movie I’ve ever directed or written. I’m financing it with my own money. I’ve planned a series of four productions which will be filmed under a non-union contract. I’ve saved up $40,000 dollars and that is my budget for the four films, most of which will be spent on film stock. The film will be completely shot in my home at night so we can keep our day jobs, between the hours of 6PM and 11PM. The first reading of the script is this Monday. If you’re cast, you will be paid a $1000 stipend for your work in the film, and the same amount if you are to be cast in the second, third and fourth production. You should know that if you’re cast in this movie, nudity is required and certain acts of a s****l nature will be demanded of you, during filming. So if that’s a problem, let me know right now. Will that be a problem for either one of you?”

Certain acts of a s****l nature? I was flabbergasted and had no idea how to respond. The $1000 sounded nice; it was the most money I had ever been offered in my life to do a role. I know A-List actors get 20 million per picture and get a body double if they have to show their ass, but beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. I didn’t mind the nudity if it was important to the integrity of the script, but s****l acts? I wondered what my college drama professor would think of that.

I looked over at Elizabeth who didn’t appear to be listening. She was chewing on a stick of gum and just looked bored. She shrugged when asked if being filmed for posterity having s*x with strangers in a low budget porno movie would be a problem for her. Neither of us said a word. The director continued speaking in a professorial tone.

“OK, I’ll take that as a no, that you don’t mind being filmed while engaging in acts of a s****l nature. I know in other adult films the actors simulate having s*x, but I always found them unsatisfying to watch and quite unrealistic. Nothing can replace the real thing, I think. Also, we will not be using condoms during the filming. Do either of you carry sexually transmitted diseases?”

Another highly embarrassing question. I fell into a stunned silence. My mind was still thinking about having s*x on screen with the beautiful woman seated beside me. Was I dreaming this? I saw Elizabeth shake her head no.

“Edward?” Farnsworth asked, raising his eyebrows impatiently.

“What was the question again?” I asked.

“Do you carry any form of s****l disease?”

“Oh... No.”

“OK. If you are cast, I will at my own expense have you thoroughly tested anyway, just to make sure, before we shoot one frame of footage. It would be advisable that you both use protection with any other s****l partners you may have while working on this film. If you do have unprotected s*x, I will have to have you both tested, at your own expense, which is clearly stated in your performer’s contract with Farnsworth Productions. Of course, your health is of the utmost importance to me... Elizabeth, are you on any form of birth control?”

Elizabeth’s phone rang and she checked the number on her caller id.

“The pill,” she answered, turning her phone off and putting it away in her purse.

“Perfect… So, as you may know, I manage a s*x paraphernalia and video shop in downtown San Diego and consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject of sexuality, knowing what people want regarding toys and films to aide in their s****l arousal and orgasm. Most of the films out there generally depict attractive people meeting, exchanging forced, rather conventional dialogue and jumping into bed together to ridiculous background music. I’ve always wanted to see a film that was both erotic and told a captivating and complex story. Since there’s not one on the market, I decided to save up my money and create one myself. It’s kind of been a dream of mine. So I followed my dream and here we are… Let’s take it from the top.”