BLAMELESS SORROWS

63. Going?

Axel's Point of View.

We ate a very heavy and full meal and is now seating by the couch drinking some fruit punch and all sitting sleepily and lazily.

Tilbe: Well now, I think this is the best time for me to say it.

We look at her who is sitting besides me while grandpa and Uncle Jo is on the other side. We are seating by the fireplace by the way, it is quite cold now that winter is approaching.

Grandpa: And what might it be that you want to talk about Tilbe?

Tilbe look at her and with a determined sigh start to explain.

Tilbe: Well Ax and I have been talking and I have the feeling that grandpa is moving to that far place in Iklu without us and me.

And she point at herself pointedly making grandpa to largened his eyes looking a bit amused.

Tilbe: But Ax said you won't and that Iam worrying for no reason and advice me to talk to you about it. So now, my question is are you going away grandpa?

Grandpa: I have said again and again and I will say it again, I won't leave to that place Tilbe. So you don't need to worry about it.

Tilbe sigh in relieve as grandpa said that but suddenly pout in displeasure again.

Tilbe: Then grandpa, why have you been talking to us so secretively and that too all alone. And besides saying all kind of things that make it seems like you are not going to be with us anymore?

Grandpa look at her a bit startled by how upset and stren she look.

Grandpa: I think you got something wrong with what I'm doing Tilbe. Iam just discussing things with both of you so that I could know about your opinions for the throne which I will be stepping down from. And I just want both of you to be happy and satisfied about it, so that no problems comes up in the future.

Grandpa explain calmly. While Tilbe look at him with a sad, gloomy eyes.

Tilbe: Well grandpa you letting go of your throne and telling us all to take care of us ourself to our fullest, doesn't really help with my imagination.

Grandpa sigh as she said that.

Grandpa: Who does grandpa love most?

Tilbe look at him a bit confusedly but answer with confidence.

Tilbe: Me, Tilbe.

Grandpa nod at that,

while Uncle Jo and me look at them completely surprised, our eyes dramatically enlargened.

Grandpa: Then why will I ever leave you and go? I will always be where Tilbe is, alright? So don't worry about anything and stop coming up with silly ideas.

Tilbe finally smile happily for that day. Her eye look light and bright, her smile happy and genuine making all of us sigh in relief.

Tilbe: Okay grandpa, sorry for making all this silly things up and worrying all of you guys.

And she pinch her ears a bit making all of us aww at her cuteness. While grandpa pat her head lovingly and tell her that it's quite alright.

While uncle Jo glare at them in a teasing manner.

Uncle Jo: Don't think that I have forgotten about your little love confession thing you guys have. How come grandpa love Tilbe the most, what about us?

And he kind of half pout making all of our jaw drop and looked at h speechless. Even grandpa was speechless.

Grandpa: Seriously, one silly problem at a time. I can't handle more than one.

He facepalm and sit there acting exhausted making all of us chuckle.

Just then Tilbe yawn loudly and tiredly. All the crying she did today must have tired her out.

Tilbe: Iam all tired and sleepy, I will go ahead first. Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams.

Grandpa: Sweet dreams little one.

Uncle Jo: Goodnight, Tilbe.

Axel: Sleep tight little gift.

We all say at the same time, while she went away stretching herself while still yawning in the process.

She went inside her room while silence prevail in the living room.

And in that moment, Uncle Jo also rise ready to sleep.

Uncle Jo: Well I will also retire earlier since I have work a bit early tomorrow.

Axel: Goodnight Uncle Jo.

Grandpa: Goodnight Jo.

Uncle Jo wish us the same back and went in his office as well.

While another silence follow soon after, that is untill grandpa start to talk again.

Grandpa: I have a scary yet lovely dreams these days?

I look at grandpa curious at what his dreams was about.

Axel: What was it about?

Grandpa: I also saw your grandma calling me lovingly and always around me like she used to do. She looked quite lovely even in my dreams, it make me kind of miss her more and more.

I listen in interest as grandpa talk about grandma.

Axel: Well isn't that quite lovely and a good dream, why is it scary?

He look and me and smile looking at my curiosity.

Grandpa: It just make me think that maybe your grandma is a bit too lonely all alone by herself in heaven. She must have wait for pretty long by now and suddenly make me think that maybe I should not make her wait for so long anymore.

I look at grandpa a bit flustered. Why is his mind going that way, why is grandpa telling me all about this?

Axel: Well please tell grandpa that her grandchildren are not that bright and always need grandpa's guidance in evrything they do. So please give us some more of grandpa's time and that we will make it up for all the time she has missed you for a little bit later.

Grandpa look at my side and chuckle softly as I said that.

Grandpa: Now even you have start to talk like Tilbe. Maybe you will cry like her one of this days who knows?

He looked at me amusement clear in his eye.

Axel: Well if Tilbe is right in grandpa going far away from us, then I will probably cry much more than Tilbe.

Grandpa chuckled at that.

Grandpa: Dont even dream about it, Tilbe crying is not something you can undermine as such.

He smile as he take a sip of his tea.

Axel: Grandpa maybe Iam way out of line here and is all wrong. And please please correct me if Iam wrong, but grandpa you dont seems to deny it when I said you might go away. Strangely it is making me feel uneasy maybe because of always listening to Tilbe. But Iam wrong right?

I look at grandpa nervously, my theory dried and almost parched in fear.

Grandpa: What should I do now, my grandkids are all too smart. I can't even hide a thing from them anymore.

As he said that my heart complete drop. What?

Axel: Grandpa? What's going on?

Grandpa: I dream of a dream I haven't dream of in a very long time. And I know what that dream means and this time, I have no plan to stop it from happening.

I look at grandpa, anxiety right up my sleeve.

Axel: What does the dream have anything to do with you leaving?

Grandpa chuckled as I said that.

Grandpa: You also don't think that I will go to the far away place of Iklu, like Tilbe do; do you? Cause that will make me quite quite sad.

I strangely want to believe in Tilbe's theory too. Maybe if I think as simple as she does, the maybe things won't be as complicated.

Axel: Even though I want to and tried my best to, I can't think like Tilbe and my mind just go to places I don't want to go to.

I was quiet relief that Tilbe dont seems to go further then the most further place of Iklu when she think of grandpa leaving, but now I guess I have my own worrying to do.

Grandpa: Everyone has to die and passed someday Axel and my time seems to have arrive.

I shake my head in a no, completely against it.

Axel: You must be wrong grandpa, why would you even think of dying now. You are healthy and is strong and evrything and also also...

Grandpa look at me and pat my back softly looking at how freak out Iam.

Grandpa: My child, sadly enough this things are never wrong. I know that both Tilbe and you have grown up now, all ready to take on the world with your own values and ideas. And the fact that I could see my grandchildren all grown up is a blessing enough for me. I can't ask for more and I won't.

I shake my head, ready to argue with what grandpa said again. But she shuss me and continue to speak.

Grandpa: Your grandpa is waiting for me happily in heavy, waiting for my arrival eagerly. She have waited for too long and I have to go to her now. I have done my job here, and Iam quite proud of it. And because you and Tilbe have each other, I am much more at peace. So for that I will rest happily in peace.

Axel: But...

I don't know what Iam feeling, I don't know what to say and what not.

Death is not really something that is someone's control. And no one can ever dictate it, so should I rather comfort and tried to put grandpa mind to peace as much as I can. Cause even if I cry and beg, neither he nor me can do anything about it.

But that is easier said than done. Cause my heart filled like it is ripped right out of me and I can't seems to be able to afford to think of others.

Grandpa: Iam called home my child, there is nothing sad or bad about that. I have done my duty and now have to go back to where I came from, I find that quite happy and it make me feel light, all of my heavy responsibility gone.

Grandpa eye do look light and easy. Bright and stress free but no matter what I can't, I really can't, I just can't accept it.

In Iklu mainly in Vasely or the royal family, someone knowing that his or her time is near is not something uncommon. Mainly elders which is not only the royals but all over Iklu quite commonly know it will be their end soon and always prepare for it.

But these are beloved who has complete faith in God and know what his believes and what his wants are quite well.

And grandpa really is one of them, so it will be right.

But I can't accept it just like that, I know I can do nothing bout it but I don't want to accept it either.