What If

Chapter 16

I’ve read something similar to this once upon a time. It say’s there that first love is only to exist to teach you a lesson, that no matter how good and fulfilling it felt at first, no matter how happy you do when you are with this person, it is only meant to teach you all about the pain and suffering that love could inflict. With all the fact that you don’t know how that started, and fear the end of those feelings knowing that it will end no mater what you do. First love is the one responsible of teaching you what is right, all the things you must avoid for the next. If you are not too damaged to consider loving again. First love is meant to teach us that not all love is true. First love is meant to teach us how hurtful love can be. First love is meant to teach us that not everything last. But, like this story, so many people dreamed of finding forever in their first love that it ends up embedded to their hearts after all this time.

That being said, so many people does find truth in firsts. Forming forevers in their first time loving. Maybe because that’s destiny talking? Or they really are just soulmates. So, maybe first love last. But not eternal. Most of the stories I’ve read, it all ended in a happy ending. Though I'm accustomed to this kind of stories where their first love never last, their love story ended up in a tragic in some way. But they were each other’s first love.

And their love last 'till death. A love that stays in every persons mind. Their story will stay as stories. And no one to tell but the one who heard it through their voices, the ones who sees all the things they've gone through. Or the ones who will read the story of two unfortunate souls. An unfortunate love story that isn't meant to last long.

And people say that death is not a hindrance when you love each other and that love is true. Nothing will ever be big enough to separate you. But that is not the case here. Misunderstanding almost always leads to something more. In the princes and the commoner’s love story, the one that separated the, knew too well how to play with their minds. It is something not quite like death, something that proves their love is not strong suited enough for them to fight with each other. And so they fought apart. From friends, to lovers, to strangers and then enemies. From them against the world, to them against each other. Sad, but well, who am I to judge? The story is not complete even, I figured as I read through it. History has always been tampered in a way or two.

I put back the book and looked at the clock they hang here. It’s already four in the afternoon. Time flies fast but I still do not intend to go back. I just really hope they do not feel any remorse of the way I approached them awhile ago.

And now I’m bored.

And to my luck, someone entered the building I am in. She’s wearing the simplest clothing found on earth, a shirt and jeans. Since I am in the very top shelves, I doubt they can see me, but I do. And just as looking, I recognize the lady.

“What the hell are you doing here, Angelica?” I whispered as I followed her with my sight. It was the Angelica I know from earth, my best friend. She was holding books as she entered. She conveniently place them back to where she got them. Hmm, I think even if there’s no internet, an academic achiever will always be an academic achiever. Looks like she’d read the books she’s placing back.

“Angelica!” A man wearing a three piece suit and a side cape hanging on his shoulder in the color of white came rushing in. He’s holding nothing but a single book in his right hand as he approached the lady standing in front of the shelves.

“Phoenix?” I whispered as I recognize who it is. Phoenix, as in the one who’s leading the rank. You know each other?

“Uhm… who are you?” I heard Angelica asked. I guess that answers the question, eh. She doesn’t know him. “Why do you know me?”

“I- I just want to make sure you are okay. I was the one who brought you here, after all.” Phoenix said as he stuttered to his words. Okay, what on Agewertia did he just said?

“What?” Angelica asked, clearly shocked. “How-- wait! So, you where the one who took me from that rainy night and brought me here, in this school?” She asked once more, as if clarifying what she just heard. Phoenix nodded, hiding his face. I blinked as I listen to the two. I don’t understand…

“I’ve been trying to reach you the day you woke up but you just disappeared.” Phoenix explained. “Don’t worry, I do not mean harm.”

“Please, would you like to have coffee with me? I want the whole story as to how and why am I here right now. How did you find me? Where and why did you bring me here?” Angelica inquired while looking directly at the man’s eyes. Phoenix once again nod and lead the way. Angelica followed.

“Okay… Did I just witness another love story began?” I whispered to my self just again. I took a deep breath before returning my attention to the books I am trying to find and read even though I have no concrete plan of whatever to read. “Wait-- these were one of the dreams I had once!”

Just what the heck? Am I really in my dreams or my dreams just became my reality? “The heck--”, I heard a scratch from somewhere, and my attention just shifted there almost instantly.

There was someone who’s wearing some sort of a blue historical Korean male outfit with his black hair flowing beautifully on his back. He looks like a wealthy commoner from Goryeo.

I was staring at his back as he roam around the second floor holding tons of books and rolled papers. I scratched the back of my ear when he did not even feel that someone is watching him. Ain’t that like, a part of the training? Your conscience roaming around even if your attention is on something? He was looking around as if trying to figure out where to place the things he is holding, that is when I got a glimpse of his face. I descended from the rack I was staying on and called his name. “Razzien?”

“AHH--” He screamed and all that he is holding fell to the ground.

“Huy!”

“Mika-- don’t scare me like that!” He shouted at me before slowly picking up the things he just dropped. Books and scrolls as they are. I almost laughed at his state before actually helping him pick things up.

“What are you doing here? And why are you wearing that? And where did you get that long of a hair when I am sure as heck your hair ain’t that long. This is ridiculous!” I asked consecutively whilst as helping him.

“Uhh… I don’t know too…” He answered as he trailed. How can you not know what happened to yourself? I raised an eyebrow at him but did not push further.

“You done talking?” I inquired, again. No matter how I want to ask about what they think of me, I don’t think I can do that. Just let whatever happens anyways.

“Yeah… what are you doing here anyway, Mika?”

“I want to read something. And you?”

“Just putting things back. Someone commanded me to do so.” He sigh. I shrugged.

“Then do so. Here, let me help you. It’s almost…” I trailed, having my eyes roam around the place looking for a clock, and there I found it. I am sure there is one, I saw it just a while ago. “Almost six in the afternoon.”

“You sure you want to help me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Please…” He said, offering some of what he is holding. I shrugged and took some. This ones have titles on them, easier to find where they belong as everything in here is also categorized alphabetically and in concepts. So they can print something this pretty, huh. Then why not all?

It took us about an hour to finish bringing them all back. I almost got lost more than once but I can manage, I managed to bring them all back to where they belong.

“Let’s go?” I offered. He nod at me and we walked out of the room. “I’m sorry I startled you, I was just confirming if it was actually you that I saw.” I spoke again the moment we were out of the library. Be respectful, okay? Do not talk too much when inside one.

“Its fine. I was just startled because there were other people in the library aside from me. Its rare to have a student inside, you know.” He explained. “And you caught me off guard!” He said and laughed. I just laughed with him as we walked.

It took us almost half an hour before we arrive at the dormitories. When we saw that there are no one inside the living room and the place is quiet as a church, we shrugged at each other and smiled. Before we bid goodbye and good night.

I entered my room and sigh. I did that seven times more before figuring out what to do next when it was too early to sleep, at least in my own body clock. That is when I started looking for papers to write onto.

Life is not a mare plaything. Sure, it may act as a maze where on each and every turn is a surprise of tragedy or fulfillness, either a way or a blockage, but life is not a complete game of chances. It is a choice as it is an adventure amongst the wide wilderness or the vast horizon of the oceans whilst as voyaging. Which could mean this one I have right now has a possibility of not being mine after all.