Another Life For Her

IMPENITENCE

   Maybe the social media incident wasn't the starting point of our Imane's struggles. Besides her purity and innocence, Imane's childhood witnessed several harsh events.

“1999”

Imane's family used to live in one room and a small miserable kitchen where mice and cats were fighting every night. During the night, her father was addicted to watching p*********y films and unfortunately, all the family slept in the same room. I just have known that her father was an addict to p*********y; she is finally open to talking about her family, she rarely mentions them in our sessions.

“If someone got up at night to drink water or to use the bathroom he would get mad because he would be obliged to change the channel and his fantasy would be interrupted”.

Imane was pretending to be sleeping while she was watching with him secretly every night and maybe some of her brothers also. When her friends were drawing dreams about cartoons and toys, she was thinking all the time about p*********y scenarios. Thus, she was alone and had only a few friends, she even knew the channels that show s****l content. "I thought about s*x every day, I imagined stories and events where my characters had s*x continually. I couldn’t stop thinking about it” she added in hilarious accent: “this world had lost a great p*********y scenarist”. Her smile is so innocent; it’s unfair for this smile to witness all this darkness. This early s****l knowledge brings a negative impact on her personality; she was unsociable. Maybe if she was early diagnosed and had the chance to face her psychological problems it would have been surely positive. Within time, the educational system and the religious instructions were able to change the situation of Imane.

“I knew that I must stop watching those films, I went into a complex situation. I stopped my social life just to spend more time on s****l thoughts” She confessed. “I heard a strong voice inside of me, it was yelling all the time STOP IT!! You must be stronger”.

“I was about to lose myself, I had to do something”.

She was courageous. She made a great effort so she was successful. She focused only on her lessons at school. In addition to the innate need to be a good person, studies were a remedy for her. I am grateful for the educational system and the religious one because they both gave her power and inspiration to be the best version of herself. She was still a child; her brain still couldn't accept those matters. She was a heroine at this point; though her young age, she could decide correctly and face her addiction strongly without any external help. It is about the will and courage to change your situation for the better.

After one year of the social media incident, Imane dared to visit a gynecologists' to put an end to all her frightening ideas, the doctor asked her: "are you about to get married? Congrats" Imane answered: "no, I just want to check", the doctor looked at her in a very strange way! Whispering you must be another girl who is having fun, ruining her parents' trust, shame on you. She pretended that she didn’t hear the doctor’s words. The moment of truth! The doctor said your hymen is thick and you are still a virgin! She shouted what!! But I saw blood on my fingers! The doctor said that it might be the remnants of menstruation in the womb. Imane was the happiest person in the whole world, she asked the doctor to check again, and then she started to thank her millions of times for the good news.

 She started a new life as if she is newly born; she was feeling like a baby who saw the sun for the first time, it is that important to be a virgin. She kissed her mother thousands of times with full of energy; Mrs. Zanoubi was very happy to see her daughter like that.

Imane went back to university with enthusiasm, she is rarely on social media platforms but she downloaded a new application; an application used only by Businessmen and traders, because of its unique options (immediate translation, banking service, location service…) and the most important for Imane is that most of her society members didn't know about it nor use it. The unconscious side in Imane's psyche wanted new affairs, she was addicted to that, after all those experiences, it was very hard for her to be completely away from the domain. "It was an addiction, I just wanted to have a small dose, a new network with new people, I would not risk like the previous time". She started looking for new friends from everywhere, she used her phone to get new friend requests, she added a nearby man appeared on the screen, he was using the app for importing and exporting goods, so he needed the app. "I met him for the first time in a cafeteria inside a shopping Centre, he asked to go to a nearby hotel and I was ok for the idea but with a condition, the man was curious to know the condition. I said that I wouldn't tell you my condition until we got into the hotel room; he was ok as long as he would get what he wants. I took the risk but this time in my way". Imane became very open-minded in s****l matters, after one hour they got out of the hotel both satisfied; the man enjoyed in bed while Imane received a full salary for her good work. Every time Imane meets a new man to please him to get pleased and paid in return. It became more than a habit for her to do that, and for every new man she tells her condition, strangely they accept.

     She was happy that she had money now, she went to the street to take a taxi to university, she was in a hurry to the point that she collided with a refuge; a little girl, crossing the street and couldn’t see her, she was thinking how to be successful and how to make money in a Hallal way so that she can enjoy them. She wanted to be a person of a good reputation, and how to realize that without looking back to Imane the p********e. "I believe that success comes only with independence; no man can give happiness to a woman as her salary does. Getting salary from a respectful job means much more than a life for me, I am fed up with men's tipping". Back to the refuge girl, she looked tired, she wore old clothes and bore a baby (a lot of clothes well shaped as a baby) to make people sympathize with her, when the two girls collided, Imane saw the shaped baby. The refuge girl quickly reshaped the body and they both went to the edge of the road. Suddenly Imane bought the entire handkerchief the refuge had, but she only got a packet. At first, she wanted to say sorry and go only, because she knew that the girl was lying and betraying people to get money, but after a moment Imane felt that she is the refuge in her own country, yes! She is the refuge, she felt the misery that girl had witnessed before being here, lot of images had passed in her mind, she felt lost in a cruel world though she is a rebellious girl and she is doing what she wants. She stopped for a while looking around, searching for herself in the crowd. What is the secret behind my existence, and what is my role in this world? Then she looked back to the girl; however, the girl was already gone.

“What if the refuge was an educated person and had a higher education degree, would she face the same destiny in a foreign country? Asked Imane, Would she bear all this misery? Who knows what would happen in this case?” I was unable to answer her.

Imane understood one thing; she knew that she must finish her studies to not be a refuge in her mother country, which is worst than being a refuge in a foreign country. She doesn't want to be in need of anyone, she wants to be an educated and civilized person who affects and be affected in her society because now she is mature enough not only in age but her mature personality obliges her to be such a person. "Civic engagement is something everyone should be involved with. We all have to do good things to our societies. We need to change".

“Try to be honest with yourself because pretending will make things even worse”