BETRAYED BY HIS SONGS

CATCH A BREATHE.

Music was playing in the background. Something from his previous album. Down Our Trail was the title.

I knew that song, he sang it to my mother at the hospital when he first met her and brought her flowers.

That day was lovely. She fell in love with him immediately and started listening to him. I missed her, it had been three weeks since I last saw her.

If only she was here, I would run into her arms and cry and tell her what this cruel man yapping words I couldn't even hear had done to me.

I picked my bag, looked at myself one last time in the mirror before shoving him out of my way and stepping out.

I could still hear the music, it was that loud. Maybe he had highed the volume while firing that Blonde girl up. Well done Hark.

I saw Raven wave at me, and Simone ,the drummer saying something.

Probably calling out to me, but how could I explain to them that I didn't wave back or smile because my body was moving on its own, not responding to me.

He didn't even follow me . In movies, the men always came after the women right?

If they loved them and still wanted them they would just put on their pants and ran bare chested and barefooted after their women.

He didn't even call my name one last time or ask me to stay over and over again.

It hurt. Is this what people spoke about? Broken heart. I had walked a very long mile, but I wasn't even tired.

I just wanted to walk some more, hoping to make it to the Hospital in the next fourth city to see my mother.

That would be crazy, it would take me two days to get there on foot.

I slumped into a wooden bench by the street and buried my head in my palms, weeping silently.

I didn't even notice when a dark figure walked up to me.

All that I noticed now was that I was not enough for that s**t hole.

For a long time, maybe thirty minutes, I wept nonstop.

Crying out all the years we spent together, the promises, the times we broke rules to feel free and how he made me feel special felt like the right thing to do at the moment.

However it still hurt. Hadn't he promised not to cheat again? Not to frolic about again? Didn't he say he was gonna wait till I was ready?

My head throbbed, I was very exhausted but going home was a big no.

I wasn't ready to face Nia, she would give me a hard time before consoling me and I wasn't down for any hard time now.

This was enough, more than enough, my cup was surely overflowing now.

Hark knew not to keep his manhood in his trousers. He was never like this, not until the same and the girls throwing their selves at him.

He could resist them at first, that I knew. He was always a good, loyal boy.

I guess he had grown tired of waiting, of controlling himself again.

The last time we broke up, I had seen a trending video on the nest of him making out with a co star at a night pub, but he blamed it all on drinks and influence.

That was the last time, to talk of the first time, the second, the third and the fourth.

I always thought it came along with the name and the image, we spoke about it on the day he signed his big contract.

We had worked on this dream together. No one knew about that, not even my mother or Nia.

If they knew that I had been his safe place since he was just an aspiring singer doing gigs in small bars for fifty dollars or lesser they would tell me the fool I had made of myself.

Nia would scream her ass off and ask why I still lived with bills, and why my mom's hospital bills were draining me.

What a fool I had made of myself.

I just needed air, I loosened the zip and looked up into the sky as if to catch a flight on the wind.

I just needed to breath.