LA: Loyalty or Annihilation

Chapter 4

Shawn's POV

Silence.

That's the first thing that greets me when I step inside.

Not yelling.

Not crying.

Not a lamp flying toward my f*****g head.

Nothing.

I slowly close the door behind me.

"Kristal?"

No answer.

My shoulders loosen slightly.

Then I look down.

Her purse is on the floor.

So are her shoes, keys, and work bag.

I frown.

That's unusual.

Very unusual.

Kristal doesn't leave s**t lying around.

She isn't obsessively neat, but everything has a place. Her purse goes on the hook. Shoes on the rack. Keys in the little ceramic bowl by the door.

Always.

I pick everything up and put it away. Then I put my briefcase away as I shrug out of my jacket.

The apartment looks normal.

Living room? Normal.

Kitchen? Normal.

Nothing broken nor missing

Not even angry note.

No engagement ring dramatically sitting on the counter.

Maybe she didn't hear.

The possibility sends relief through me so quickly that guilt immediately follows it.

I shouldn't be relieved. I need to tell her.

Tonight.

Right f*****g now.

But I'm exhausted.

She's probably exhausted.

And after Jade's ultimatum, the last thing I have the emotional strength for is another confrontation.

Morning.

I'll deal with everything in the morning.

I head toward the bedroom and slowly push the door open.

Kristal is asleep.

My heart settles.

She's lying on her side with her back facing me, comforter pulled around her body.

Beautiful.

Peaceful.

Mine.

The thought comes naturally.

Then Jade's face flashes through my mind.

Don't come here unless I'm the choice.

Fuck.

Tomorrow.

I quietly close the door behind me and strip down to my underwear.

Kristal doesn't move.

Good.

I don't want to wake her.

I climb beneath the comforter and immediately feel some of the day's tension leave my body.

Home.

Whatever else is happening, this still feels like home.

I move closer.

My arm slides around Kristal's waist and I gently pull her backward until she's pressed against my chest.

She fits perfectly.

Like always.

I bury my face against her hair and breathe deeply.

Ocean breeze.

That's what she always smells like.

Soft.

Fresh.

Comforting.

Kristal.

I press a kiss against her shoulder.

"I love you, Baby."

Her body seems to tense.

Or maybe I'm imagining it.

I'm too tired to think anymore.

I tighten my arm around her.

Within minutes, everything disappears.

---

Kristal's POV

I'm awake.

I've been awake since I heard the apartment door open.

Every part of me screamed to get out of this bed, run into that living room and demand answers.

Who was she?

How long?

Why did you tell her you loved her?

Why did she say she loved you?

What the f**k have you done to us?

But I couldn't move.

My mind and body are exhausted.

Even my heartbreak felt exhausted.

So I closed my eyes and listened.

I heard Shawn moving around the apartment. Next I heard him come into the bedroom.

Then silence.

A long sigh.

Relief.

He was relieved I was asleep.

That hurt almost as badly as the call.

My eyes burn.

Don't cry.

Not yet.

I hear clothing rustling. The mattress dips.

My heart starts pounding.

Then his arm slides around my waist.

No.

He gently pulls me against him exactly like he has hundreds of nights before.

His chest settles against my back.

His face disappears into my hair.

He breathes me in.

Then his lips touch my shoulder.

And he whispers the words that finally shatter whatever remained intact inside me.

"I love you, Baby."

A tear escapes.

Then another.

Shawn's breathing evens out behind me.

Minutes later, he's deeply asleep.

I bite my lip.

Hard.

Don't.

Don't—

A sob escapes.

I cover my mouth.

Carefully, I lift his arm and move away.

All the way to the edge of the bed.

Then I curl into myself.

And cry.

Silently.

Violently.

Until my chest hurts.

Until my pillow is wet.

Until there aren't any tears left.

Shawn sleeps through all of it.

By the time exhaustion finally drags me under, one thought remains.

My life will be different in the morning.

---

The Next Morning

My eyes open before the alarm.

For several seconds, I don't remember.

Then I feel the emptiness between Shawn and me.

And everything comes rushing back.

The call.

The woman.

I love you.

I stare at him.

He's dead asleep.

Practically in a coma.

Normally, I'd laugh.

This morning, I'm grateful.

I slowly slip out of bed.

Bathroom.

Shower.

Teeth.

Skincare.

Hair.

Clothes.

Normal routine.

Nothing about today is normal.

I quietly leave the bedroom and close the door.

Coffee first.

Always coffee.

While the machine starts brewing, I grab my laptop.

My phone is already off.

I'd charged it enough last night to message my boss and tell her I wouldn't be coming in today.

Afterward, I waited.

One hour.

I stared at my phone for one whole f*****g hour waiting for Shawn to call.

Nothing.

Eventually, I turned it off.

Today is about me figuring out what the hell I'm going to do.

Because I'm leaving.

I already know that much.

Maybe temporarily.

Maybe permanently.

Doesn't matter.

I cannot stay inside this apartment surrounded by memories and broken promises pretending everything is fine.

I open my laptop.

First priority?

Answers.

I type Shawn's full name into a national public-record database.

Shawn Montgomery.

Search.

Several results appear.

I narrow them.

California.

Age thirty-eight.

Attorney.

There.

My finger freezes over the trackpad.

I click.

SHAWN MONTGOMERY

AGE: 38

OCCUPATION: ATTORNEY

RESIDENCE: CALIFORNIA

Keep scrolling.

My heart pounds.

Then I see it.

MARITAL STATUS: MARRIED

Everything inside me goes silent.

Not dating.

Not complicated.

Not separated.

Married.

I stare at the word.

Once.

Twice.

Ten times.

"No."

I refresh the page.

Same result.

My mouth goes dry.

I search another database.

Then another.

Same man.

Same age.

Same profession.

Same answer.

Married.

I slowly lean back.

"Why didn't I ever look?"

The answer comes immediately.

Because I trusted him.

That's why.

Normal people don't conduct background checks on the person sleeping beside them every night.

I trusted him.

I believed him.

And apparently, I'm a f*****g fool.

Five years.

I gave him five years.

I left my hometown.

My mother.

My church.

My friends.

My job.

My entire support system.

I packed my life into boxes because Shawn Montgomery looked me in my eyes and told me we were building a future together.

A future he couldn't legally give me.

My eyes drop to the engagement ring on my finger.

A bitter laugh escapes me.

"Fiancée."

I'm engaged to somebody else's husband.

I stand abruptly.

Coffee.

I need coffee before I commit a felony.

I pour myself a cup.

Then stare at the remaining pot.

Shawn's coffee.

Every morning, I make enough for both of us.

Every.

Single.

Morning.

Not today.

I grab the pot.

Walk to the sink.

And pour every remaining drop down the drain.

Petty?

Absolutely.

Therapeutic?

Immensely.

I return to the table.

The word MARRIED is still staring at me.

I shrink the window.

No.

I'm not doing this.

I'm not sitting here waiting for him to wake up so I can beg him to explain why he destroyed my life.

I open another browser tab.

Apartments for rent Los Angeles.

Search.

Results flood the screen.

Studios.

One bedrooms.

Short-term rentals.

Move-in specials.

My fingers move steadily across the keyboard.

Price.

Location.

Commute.

Parking.

I create a list.

My mind is frighteningly clear now.

I need boxes.

I need somewhere to stay.

I need to figure out which furniture is mine.

I need to separate anything financial we share.

I need—

Movement.

I freeze.

A floorboard creaks from the direction of the bedroom.

Shawn.

I hear another sound.

The bedroom door.

My heart begins pounding.

No.

I inhale slowly.

Then exhale.

I refuse to give him hysteria.

I refuse to give him screaming before I have every answer I need.

And I damn sure refuse to beg.

The woman who cried herself empty last night is gone.

I straighten in my chair.

Shrink the public-record page completely.

Apartment listings remain on my screen.

I take a slow sip of coffee.

Footsteps approach.

Shawn appears.

I don't immediately look at him.

"Morning, Baby."

There it is again.

Baby.

My stomach turns.

I click another apartment listing.

"Morning."

Silence.

I can feel him staring at me.

Probably waiting for the kiss I normally give him.

It doesn't come.

"You're up early."

"Mhm."

"Aren't you working today?"

"No."

Another silence.

Longer this time.

I scroll.

"What are you looking at?"

"Apartments."

The room goes completely still.

I finally raise my eyes.

Shawn is staring at me.

Confusion first.

Then concern.

Then something else.

Fear.

Good.

"Why are you looking at apartments?"

I calmly lift my coffee cup.

Take another sip.

Set it down.

Then look directly into the eyes of the man I've loved for five years.

"Good question."

His face changes.

He knows.

Maybe not how much.

But he knows.

I fold my hands on the table.

No screaming.

No tears.

No trembling.

Just me.

"Actually," I say softly, "I have quite a few questions for you, Shawn."

His throat moves.

I tilt my head.

"But I think I'll start with the easiest one."

My engagement ring suddenly feels unbearably heavy on my finger.

I slowly twist it.

Once.

Twice.

His eyes immediately drop to my hand.

Then return to my face.

And for the first time since I've known Shawn Montgomery...

He looks afraid of me.

I smile.

Not because anything is funny.

Because if I don't, I might break.

"So..."

I lean back.

"What's your wife's name?"