INSANE RAINS

CHAPTER 6 - Do not give-up!

Despite the hectic schedules for theater, family and many more. Grace always find a way to look after him morning to morning.

To encourage.

Let him moved on.

For him.

"You've to rise up and face the rains." Grace assured him everything will be going better.

No words came from Billy.

Grace always felt the same as everything was yesterday, like nothing change amidst the day. She thought, she felt. She was lossing the only hope she was holding, "Billy will be fine and everything will be alright." She couldn't avoid to worry but how will she help if he doesn't want to help himself.

Grace felt unhopeful, and heaviness in her heart contained. The day ended, the sun already set. The crimson horizon reflected on the windowpane as the room was subdued in darkness.

"It was almost two years Billy but you're still retaining in the past, you're still going back... Please Billy... I am still here for you." Grace expressed as Billy hoisted the bottle of brew, disregarding all what she said. "Move on, Billy!" She stepped toward the door, "How could we help you if you let the past to hold you back..." And yanked the door shut, and she sighed deep.

In the next morning, as usual Grace woke up early to jog down Outlook Drive to visit Billy. This was her routine everyday in the first year, then it became twice and then thrice a week. She felt like she was a kindled candle in the dark lighting nothing. She felt she's doing nothing.

"Is Billy okay now? It was almost two years when the accident happened..." Melanie asked in soft voice. "You're not going to visit Billy?"

"...no. I've a busy day and beside I've rehearsal." Grace undecidedly replied, shook her head. "I'll go afterwards." And went out silently.

"...she's not in good mood..." Mel whispered underneath her voice. Melanie Aquino is Grace's mother. Her pen name was Mel, her husband used to call her. She is impressively tall, tan, slender, long-haired woman. She had the looks every man's ideal girl - it is the look Grace had inherited from her, exception of being slender which she got from her father.

After she prepared, "I'm off, ma." Grace walked along the road through the Garden Theater staggeringly, thinking of Billy. There, she sat thinking deeply. Recollecting memories. "I love you" was the only hope she was holding that Billy whispered. Those kisses. Embraces. Laughter. Those love poems, love moments and touches.

"...Grace? Are you okay? ...Grace!" The provocative director named Michelle shouted at Grace.

"...ah! Direc..." Grace stammeringly replied.

"You're preoccupied... You've to concentrate on your lines..." Director Mich was so paranoid of the show, she was anxiously chasing the deadline.

"...break! Grace you've to focus..."

Grace had a bad feelings and she unusually felt heavy. A premonition. She doesn't understand what's happening inside hers - her heart beats so fast and was bothering... that something pushes her to go home.

It was 9 o'clock a.m. when she received a message from Billy:

"I always cherished the love that you've showed and shared and I love sharing it with you. And I'm sorry that I can't give the time with you. Even spare time. Time. Truly, time broke me so much. It brought me sorrow. And so as to you, my dearest. I'm sorry I can't heal it, rather, time could do. Time ends it all. The pain. The sorrow. The time itself. I love you."

Grace swiftly grabbed her sling bag and jacket, ran out the building leaving her dream. "Grace..." Director Michelle called aloud. "Where's she going?!"

As she was waving for taxi, worries painted on her face. Anxious. Bothered. She called Liza to check Billy. Get inside the taxi. Traffic. Waiting. The moment irked her. Made quick steps through Outlook Drive. Panting.

"...Billy? Billy..., Iho? Aunty Liza is here!" Liza heavily knocked the door many times wondering why the house was deafened by silence. "Billy, open the door!" Liza was worrying so badly. She looked around and saw Manoy, the caretaker, approaching. And asked for the duplicate key but Manoy said that Billy asked for it and he was forbidden to enter until Billy called him.

She restlessly sought a hard rod to destroy the doorknob. Thumps were heard upstairs. Bottles of beer were broken forcefully. And shout of anger had alarmed Liza that there's something happening unfavorable. Billy moaned, and it meant so much.

"Oh my God! Billy... please." Liza hoarsely shout to him. She hastily beaten so hard the knob but it doesn't work at all. Manoy tried too. The door has a double lock. "No" was repeatedly mouthing by Liza as she trembled in fear of losing again another chance.

Manoy picked the rod and smashed the sliding-window glass forcefully. And climbed over to open the door. They quickly went upstairs. While hearing Billy's sob. Liza run swiftly in a heavy steps approaching the room. The sound of her high-heeled shoes echoed in the entire house.

"Billy... open the door. I said open... let's talked about it." Liza pleaded while putting a hard blow unto the door and thrusted her body unhesitantly trying to open. The force she released were resisted by the thick-carved wood. She fell and held her shoulder in pain.

Then, Billy screamed so hardly. That time. Actually all times but it is just now he had the courage. The only way Billy thought to end up the guilt and pains he felt was to end his secluded life. It was as if he would end it all. He thought that when he cut his wrist pulse, he can stop the times of sorrow.

"If you think you're alone, you're not. I'm here for you. Always. Don't forget Grace. We love you so much. I can't afford to lose you, Billy. I can't afford to lose." Liza cried as Manoy hitting the knob. They finally opened it. And saw him like a withered plant on one corner of the room. He was sobbing. Wincing. Blood trickling on his right hand. And a blade on his left. Liza quickly hugged him tightly. Handed off the blade. Or snapped the blade.

"This is not the solution, Billy." Tears flowed continuously. He fainted. Liza hysterically does nothing but to bellow for help, "Manoy help! Call an ambulance." The caretaker immediately went out and took his phone and phoned an ambulance.

Liza snapped his collar and wagged him. "Billy. Where is the tape? The case? Where did you hid it? Billy!" Liza was painfully asking to an unconscious body. "No. Don't die." Liza called Manoy in a hoarse voice. The caretaker carried Billy downstairs. Liza don't know what to do. Fretful.

A minute later, Baguio General Hospital and Medical Center ambulance was wailing coming down from the town. They arrived on time. As the ambulance speed up, blood was nearly draining. Almost 1000 cc. Liza held her hand, "Hold on, Billy." Liza turned away as the medical personnel denned Billy in. "Manoy go with Billy. I'll come after you."

"Billy..." Grace continuously breathing. Sweat ringed under her arms.

The neighbor heard her shout and told that they brought him to BGHMC.

Grace shortly held her breath. "Why? What happened?"

"He cut his wrist. He attempted to suicide."

"What!" Grace can't believe he can end his life like that. Unease. Screamed to vent out woes.

Nightfall. The words of the doctor made everything alright. Pacify the moment. Yet there was something revealed. "For what I had observed, he is undergoing depression. You need a psychiatrist."

Liza exclaimed nothing but sigh of worries.

"In the light of a research, depression and anxiety victims increased drastically. Millions of people worldwide commit suicide, the third leading cause of death among young due to depression and anxiety." The doctor added, "Depression is an inner emptiness." The doctor ended in an elicit elaboration.

After an hour or two, Billy was conscious finally. Head's pounding due to boozes. Looked around. Liza was standing beside.

"You are coming with me in Los Angeles whether you like it or not. My decision is final, Billy..."

Billy spoke no single words. He turned his eyes away from Liza like she meant nothing. Tears just rolled down.

Half of an hour later, Grace came over. She took deep breath. She entered in the E.R. and hugged Liza. Liza spoke to her that she need to fix some sort of things left. "Take care of him."

"What did you do, Billy?" Billy turned his head towards Grace. Wet eyes.

"I can't lose you, you know that." Grace squeezed him tightly in her arms with affection. "More than all I want. More than all I need." She emphasized the phrases - "You're more than enough. Be alive for me." Words of love from a pleading woman. She wiped out her own tears. She sat down beside him, and then sighed. Every word Grace spoke was an encouragement - to stay alive with her. Letting him remember all the moment they were together, the promises and the beauty of life.

"...I love you so much."

Billy just embraced her and clear saline fluids ran through his cheeks. He was hard to be deciphered, he was like a blank sheet with tatters and curls in its edges.

She smoothly rubbed his back as to comfort him. She let him know that these were just rains and there will always be a sun to shine every gloomy day.

"Let's take these rains together, Billy" a soft voice from Grace.

Hours passed by. Grace napped in the bedside holding his hand. Billy were still roused. He fixed her hair and dabbed her cheeks and touched smoothly her nose. Billy ruminated and time went back...

The day when he found a piece of scrap paper inserted in the book Grace loved to read, The Dry. He read it with a whip of smile:

"LOVE is gentle,

quiet,

beauty,

music,

patience,

unselfish,

Love is like any distant star..."

"...the day Grace said "Yes" to a question "Will you be my lifetime partner?""

"...the day of love. Those sweet kisses and caresses. Those exchanging of the three-word of affection. The night they talked of the future and set-up the big event in their lives. Their wedding.

"Which is better this or this?" Grace showed the wed designs, smiled smoothly.

Billy just smiled back. "...but, Love, I liked garden wedding... that's my dream."

Grace kissed him quickly, "Is' yes?"

Billy smacked her, "Yes."

Grace was so happy ...like it'll not fade out anymore. That was the day they had prepared for lifetime or eternity, the start of new schemes of lifestyle and of dreams together. Actually, Billy and Grace were on the same age - twenty-three. Though Grace's father, Peter, disapproved the wed because he wanted Grace to be an actress and achieve more than his expectations. Acting was her dream but the greatest was to be married to Billy. To build family she can call her own. Everything's settled and they were very ready for it. And Peter could do nothing to stop it. To control Grace. It was one week after Valentine's day must be their wed..."

Liza went down in the Domingos' house, and directly went upstairs and strode towards Ben and Ally's room. She kept searching for the flashdrive and the brief case. "The case was a brown one" she reckoned. She found nothing. Then, she entered Billy's room and well-searched all the drawers and closet. She scratched her head, and be irked. She found nothing. He went downstairs and met Manoy who was that time repairing the doorknob, and cleaning the mess. "What are you doing here, madam?" Asked Manoy. "None of your business!" Manoy was shocked of her behavior that time. Manoy asked her, "Who's with Billy?" Liza just passed over and listened not.

It was exactly 9:00 P.M. and was cold atmosphere, when Liza returned and conversed with Grace for a while. Liza gazed Billy lying at that bed once again through the glass from the outside. Grace moved out the room and Liza mouthed: "Billy is depressed and he need to be treated and managed immediately to not happen this again." She added, "He is in suicidal stage now and I can't bear to leave him." She spoke without hesitancy, "He'll be treated well in LA. This kind of condition is neglected here or is the government's least priority." Grace was preoccupied of what Billy did - he gored the chance of life - and not hearing anything. With a downcast eyes, Liza spoke in a low tone, "You know what I meant, Grace. I don't want Bil to be perfectly batty. I don't want him to lose his mind and eventually kill himself by not-" a sudden stop, "-uhm." and couldn't say retaliating his family.

Grace just sat down and rubbed her palm against her laps. Talked nothing.

"I already fixed all the needed docs for our -" Grace stared at Liza, startled "-flight." The word flight has shocked her.

"I know this's hard for you." Liza had a long pause, and added, "But we need to sacrifice for Billy's welfare. He's so sick, Grace."

Tomorrow will be, for sure, bading of goodbyes. For not so long time. Not so? There is still a question that needs a certain answer. This was Grace's feeling.

"He need good, specified psychiatrists, psychologists, life coaches or whatsoever... that would help him out to cope dejection or grievances."

As Liza explained, Grace was just closed-lips and thinking deeply. Massaged her hands.

"Just remember..." Liza placed her both hand to Grace's, "Billy promised that he'll love you whatever happens. He ought not to leave you. Billy lacked nothing for you even in his worst and gloomiest days, somehow."

Grace stood and walked in free hands and stared Billy for so long. That gaze wished the dawn to never come and lengthen the night as it was the last. The last time to touch those fingers of his. For now.

Time never ends, she reckoned.