INSANE RAINS

CHAPTER 4 - Blue Devil

"I am sorry ma, pa, Brail for my bullheadedness..., I had killed you...I have no-one to lean on to... I have nothing." Billy touched the tombstone with an inscription In loving memory of Ben Domingo. Ally Domingo. Brail Domingo. "I can't live without all of you.. I am nothing now..." His tears were mixed in the rain, he was soaked in the rain, and the sky was dark, gloom as it rained cats and dogs. "I don't know now to live..." And he looked up, "Why! Why me...why?"

Manoy was just standing with his black umbrella in the far side, beside the Sedan waiting for him.

Months.

Weeks.

Days had passed like everything was just yesterday.

His name is Billy Halang Domingo and his room was flooded by darkness. Speckles of light were penetrating from the opaque curtains draped in the closed–windows. Dusts danced in the air. Bottles of beer were left scattered on the floor, some were broken. Aroma of the trash was circulating all over the room.

There he was in one corner of the room, sat on the floor where one of his feet bent towards his chest, the other one was stiffed straight. Held a bottle of beer, again. He bottomed-up, and threw the bottle away with force against the wall. He screamed and groaned out to release self-damnation or even to escape for a while.

He drowned his heart in sorrow and in pain brought by the heart-rending mishap. The family he had called had already gone and left him lonely. As he was moaning, he picked their family picture on the floor. February 14, 1997 was written at the back with his signature. Then, he couldn't resist, but it came back...

""February 14 is a very special day for everyone." Billy mouthed them as he was looking up the sky. "The sun rose finely; the sky has no cumulus. A fair weather it could be." As anyone may think that such day is a day to take some rest, to gad about the town, to have picnic under the pine trees, and to replenish the mind with his loved one. The Burnham park was crowded by immigrants, tourists and residents, where cuddling, kisses, and smiles can be seen all over. Heart-shaped were all over the place: cakes, balloons, cotton candies and shirt prints. Roses or some kind of flowers that add spice to love, were handed to their loved ones. Laughs floated as everyone had fun with their children, husband or wive and parents. Some were biking, boating, skating and taking photographs for memories.

The Domingos were just settled on a map, eating their snack. Brail, his buddy and brother, used to play with his tablet with his father, Ben. Billy had the moment to capture them having zest. Billy discouraged his brother to be confined with gadgets. He came near, "You have to play real, social or friendly games, Brail." And he poked him, "You're the bet!" Billy ran away but Brail did not go after him. "Dad, look at the tortoise he can't carry his big shell." Billy jeered him. Brail was insulted, as he was always, and chased him nimbly. "I got the hare!" He proclaimed. Ally and Ben happily watched them having fun.

"One. Two. Three. Say cheese." Billy approached one tourist and asked to take them a photo under a century pine tree..."

Tears dropped on the picture and his fist squeezed the edge of the picture. He dropped it, and bent his other foot towards his chest and wrapped his feet with his arms. He knocked his head on his knees. He slid side down the floor due to intoxication.

He lived but he thought he was not. Breathing with no life, a lying corpse – he felt for now.

Manoy Duluan, their caretaker for 20 years, was always there to clean his mess and help him. As Billy stopped sobbing, Manoy would enter his room to escort or carry him to his bed, and cleaned him up and the mess. One day, Manoy tried to encourage Billy to live which his parents want him to be, but Billy had closed his ears and heart. He wouldn't listen to anyone, even to Grace.

The man who had known someone was jolly, basically kind, impressively brilliant became what he feared of – being alone and unhappy. He looked pale and sick; his eyes adjusted in the dark. He was killing himself slowly and painfully. He even forgot to brush his hair. Actually, he lost his physique and became no-one.

By intoxicating himself, he wanted to forget by some means but painful and sorrowful memories haunted him repeatedly. He tried to momentarily forget what happened. And to relieve himself from pain and grief. He called for Manoy to buy some cigarette but he went to grocer. So his staggering feet paced out of his room and went to the Verandah. He was about to reach when the golden sun showered him, reminding him for a new day. Not to think. Never he thought. He glimpsed the pictures of his mama Ally and papa Ben, and then Brail hanged one-lined on the wall.

“Why… Why did you leave me broken and nothing?” He shouted as he tightly clasped his fists.

“I’m alone and nothing!”

Every single moment flashbacked and he was pre-occupied again of what happened during the day he had planned that brought them a tragic death. I insist to drive that damn car was the guilt that always sprang out. Those times of intractableness. All – that moment – haunted him blow by blow. He faced about and slammed the door. As usual, he would give himself a quaff of beer until he’ll be stone-cold-sober. To escape. To forget for meanwhile.

***

Thursday, December 5, 2007. Liza opened the door and her nostril sniffed bad, mixed odors. Touched her columella nasi and shrink her face in disgust. She stiffened in front of Billy trying to express her sympathy as she eyed him sitting at one corner sobbing, drank. She opened the curtains to brighten up the room and the windows for ventilation.

As he was blindly looking at the rays of the sun reflecting on the glass-window panes, “No! just leave me away.” He frowned and narrowed his wet eyes.

“You just get out of here and never come back again… you always meddle with this unfortunate life!”

As always, Liza felt the same as Billy shooed her.

“Yes! I always meddle for your betterment… I am who will never leave you in your state …who always think of your welfare… I am here ‘cause I love you and can’t afford to lose you, Billy.” She finger-combed her hair as she held her head. Eyes closed.

…moment to moment it brought her pain, it ached her so much. She quivered in anger and was into her emotion and tried to control words but there it was… she spoke them out. Billy would better know that… “I left L.A., my family for you.”

Billy held back his breath and spoke, “I don’t care and I don’t need you!”

"Billy, this is not my fault, and everything shouldn't be upon me... You made these things..."

Billy replied nothing even a single sigh.

"If not because of your stubbornness, your negligence, Ben have lived. They shouldn't die..."

Billy just held his tongue, staring at the green curtain, and tears just fell from his eyes.

He can’t be identified as a goddamn handsome and a man of good physique. The man who was basically kind and gentle became sympathetic and pitied of.

At the moment, against her will, Liza stealthy walked out leaving Billy sobbing in grief, bearing heavy feelings. She really wanted to alleviate what Billy was carrying from his heart but HOW?

Heart ached.

She could not bear to leave him in that state and can do nothing other than to see after him. Breathe heavily as tears of pain fell on her eyes.

“I’m sorry Billy that you’ve to struggle through these” was uttered underneath her breath.

Manoy patted his palm on her back, "Don't give up for him, mam."

Liza tapped the shoulder of Manoy, "Yes. I won't." Wiped off her tears. "Do not let him alone in this house. Always watch him..."

Manoy just nodded.

And she went downstairs.

He smiled doubtedly.

Then, he knocked on the door. "Billy... May I enter?"

"Let me be alone for now, uncle."