"Rae."
I glanced at my only friend who called my attention. It was a sunny afternoon in our school, and we just finished our research, finally.
"Why don't we go out tonight?" she inquired. "Tapos naman na research natin."
I clicked my tongue as my eyes turned to slits, thinking. I have nothing against Mil's 'go out tonight' which simply meant partying, but I might get too tired or have my other schedules delayed.
"Don't ever think of rejecting me, Rae!" She stomped her feet. "I won't go if you wouldn't, too!"
That sounded like a threat, but I chuckled. "Then no one will go to that—"
"Cresilda naman e!"
I laughed. Cute.
I then nodded submissively. "Oo na. Sabay na tayo."
She jumped in joy and even hugged me. Aah, this girl.
Nalaman ko na lang, binubuksan ko na ang makina ng kotse ko. I looked at Mildred at my right who was busy doing her eye shadow. She was wearing a red body con dress. It was silky, and it fitted her very well. She's naturally curvy and beautiful. Her hair was in a natural wave. She wore a maroon killer heels as well.
Bigla namang lumipat ang tingin niya sa akin mula sa salamin niya. I raised a brow and a smirk naturally formed in my lips. She pouted.
"Am I overdressed?" she asked anxiously. "Or am I wearing too much make up? But this is just light—"
Winasiwas ko ang isang kamay ko at nang masigurong mainit-init na ang kotse, nag-reverse na ako at inalis sa parking space ang kotse. Looking at the side mirror, I muttered, "maganda ka. May make-up o wala. Overdressed.. o hindi.."
Saktong nakalabas na ako sa pwesto nang matawa siya. Hinayaan kong umikot pabalik sa dati ang manibela, letting it pass by my palms lightly, eyebrows furrowed out of confusion. I set the gear shift to D (drive) and stepped on the gas as I shot her a swift glance.
"Did I say something wrong?" I wasn't sure of what I said kanina because I was focused on the car, so baka may mali akong nasabi. "What is it?"
"Wala!" she exclaimed with a wide smile. "Tara na lang!"
"The wait is finally over!"
Hiyawan ng mga kaklase ko ang sunod na namayani. Yea, right. Today's already graduation and we are at our room first for preparations.
"GAGRADUATE NA TAYO!"
"SA WAKAS!"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS REALLY IT!"
Napa-irap ako sa kanila. OA.
"Congratulations, class STEM A." Our teacher smiled at us, genuinely happy seeing her students finally wear their togas. Napalingon ako bigla sa labas ng classroom nang maramdaman muli na may nakatingin sa akin. Nahagip ng mata ko ang isang mabilis na kilos ng pag-alis ng isang malabong pigura ng babae. My brows furrowed. Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin dahil alam kong hindi ko na ito makikita uli. Who are you?
Tumingin na lang ako sa propesor.
"You've made it here. Though this is not even half of your journey in life, let's still take this day as a celebration for your hardworks. Feel the moment without inhibitions!"
The day went on. We did the graduation rites smoothly. Mil was the all over valedictorian, while I am the salutatorian. Points lang ang ipinagkaiba namin, sabi ni Ma'am. We marched, sang songs, and I had a salutatorian speech way shorter than Mildred.
Still, I am glad.
But envious.
As I stared at the stage where an all smiles Mildred, together with her euphoric parents, receive her awards, my heart sinks, silently hoping that my parents are here.
Pagkababa nila, nilapitan nila ako. Mildred was surely so happy. Her parents were wearing big smiles, too. Tita went near me and held my arm. I licked my lips habang ramdam ko sa balat ang tila tinahing peklat sa palm niya pero noon pa. Kasabay no'n ay ang bahagyang pagsilip ng dulo ng isang malaking sugat na tinahi rin yata noon sa may dibdib niya na hindi ko sinasadyang makita. My brows furrowed. I never saw that. Saan kaya galing iyon?
I was distracted when she smiled sweetly and genuinely at me. "Congrats, Rae!" she said in pure happiness and proudness. "I really see your father in you," she said gently as she stroked my hair.
I licked my lips again, wanting to oppose her statement so bad. No. I am not like my father. I am better than him. I would never leave my child in her graduation.
With that thought, I just smiled. "Congrats to you too, tita. Mildred made it to the top," I was calm and composed though bitterness was eating me wholly, alive. "You must be very proud."
"Of course!" she laughed elegantly, but with no traces of arrogance. She's so pure and gentle. I couldn't help but admire her besides envying her daughter. "She deserved it naman."
And the conversation went on. Minsan nakikitawa si tito at madalas, nadidistract ako sa maliit na scratch sa may labi niya na hawig ng sa kay tita. Really, what's with animal scratches? Si Mildred naman ay wala.
My mind was flying as we spoke formally. Well at least, me.
Kung tutuusin, mas marami nga akong akyat sa stage kaysa kay Mil dahil sa sandamakmak na awards. Pero iba pa rin 'yung kahit kaunti lang, basta kasama mo ang magulang mo sa isa sa mga mahahalagang araw sa buhay mo.
Pero ano bang laban ko sa important matter in the company nila?
I smiled bitterly as I look down my trembling hands.
Wala.
"Parang isang pelikula, ilayo man tayo ng tadhana.. bumabalik sa bawat eksena.. ako at ikaw..~"
"Wala nang iba.." I sang in a whisper, kasabay ng tugtog mula sa phone ko. I am now at my condo, specifically inside my art room, painting something.
There is, yes, a graduation party na "pambawi" sa akin ng parents ko. It was held on our mansion at sinabay na ang kay Mildred, as per my best friend's request. Akin 'yon but I couldn't care less dahil wala naman ang mga mahahalagang tao sa akin dito ngayon. Why celebrate if this is just for them?
I stared at my painting that was halfway finished.
The only color I used was black, but in different shades to add drama. It was Death, with his infamous long, axe-like weapon, smiling from ear to ear, ready for the chase between life.. and death. Darkness was hovering around him like it was his best friend.
I smiled widely, proud of it, wala pa man.
"Mhmm." I nodded, contented. "Perfection."
And another thing, I'd rather paint what I feel than partying. Not to mention that partying and stuffs were never my thing.
Not until college.
—