Second Chances

One

The world tour had only just began and tensions already seemed to be running high, the band that was nearing its over twenty years in the limelight sure weren't shining though in their personal lives the way they did on stage, especially two members of it and that was showing, they both seemed to be struggling with their pasts and wanting better for their present.

"Carla are you alright?" Jonathon asked after another show as him and her were finally alone as he followed her into her hotel room. 

"No I'm f*****g not, I'm barely sleeping and I'm drinking too much!" She snapped and then felt bad, knowing Jonathon was only being caring. 

"What's wrong Carla, talk to me?" Jonathon pleaded. 

"I see why Leonardo didn't want to go on this stupid tour, we're all barely managing Jonathon, I'm getting too old for this s**t!" She sighed, rubbing her forehead "I have to use more bad stuff than ever to manage and I'm sore after sitting or standing at the keyboard, I'm forty-four now Jonathon, I'm middle aged!" She stuttered, walking over and pouring a drink, feeling on the edge of her own meltdown "Sometimes I feel like I have nothing!" She exhaled deeply, then taking a large gulp of the bittersweet whiskey. 

"Taking my whiskey as always!" Jonathon smiled, trying to cheer her up, even after all the years, he hated to see her sad. 

She shot him a little smile "Its the strongest thing to numb the pain, like you taught me!" 

"By causing you so much pain?" Jonathon asked gulping. 

"By giving me whiskey after I lost Mum all those years are you dickhead!" Carla chuckled warmly. 

"Yeh, sorry, I thought your still hurt because I was such a wanker husband!" Jonathon mused, looking away from her, almost burning a hole in the maroon carpet, trying not to look at her, recalling back to when they had been married, he still wished they had never got that divorce, he blamed himself. 

"You weren't all bad, we both f****d up in ways but anyway, who cares, your remarried!" Carla stated glumly, rolling her eyes and taking a large burning gulp of the amber liquid, feeling the heat as it ran down her throat, she was trying to drown the same feelings that never left, the same feeling for Jonathon that seemed stronger than ever, why had he seemed to get so much better in all the years apart.

"Your remarried too!" Jonathon said finally meeting her blue orbs, which made her look away "Where is Eli?" 

"Eli who?" Carla chimed with a smirk, not wanting to think of her present supposed husband.  

"Your Eli!" Jonathon forced out, the name stung his feelings still, even after however long it had been, he was a hypocrite though, he'd remarried only a year after their divorce in a drunk and drugged stupor, at least Carla had waited over ten. 

"Him, I'll look for him when I'm off my face!" Carla laughed loudly, pouring another drink, happy the alcohol was taking hold. 

Jonathon raised his eyebrows, they were clearly having issues, he felt bad for Carla but glad as well, he hated the fact that another man had married her, he still saw her as his own wife, his Carla "Is he treating you bad?" Jonathon asked. 

"I don't want to talk about it, where's Jean?" Carla asked. 

"I don't want to talk about it!" smirked Jonathon and Carla rolled her eyes. 

"Well lets not talk about anything then, music and alcohol, they were always our best talking points, we got together through music and alcohol and we came apart over music and alcohol so that is the things we are made of!" She grinned. 

"And cigarettes, pot and s*x!" Jonathon laughed and Carla could help but smile wider. 

"Don't forget the white powder too, but I guess we could talk about that time when you accidentally burnt my leg with your ciggie, the second time we started doing it!" Carla smiled mischievously. 

"Do you have to make me still feel bad after all these years!" Jonathon shook his head, a nostalgic smile tugging at his lips. 

"Jonathonny, you fussed over me for ages, putting ice on my thigh and everything, it didn't even hurt that bad!" Carla giggled. 

"You screamed, it clearly hurt!" Jonathon quibbled walking closer and grabbing a glass, pouring himself a drink. 

Carla rolled her eyes "I was fine Jonathon, I do not scream, you should know that!" She contested. 

"Well I didn't like seeing the woman I love in pain and still don't!" Jonathon smiled then realised his choice of words and his smile faded "Sorry, it came out wrong!" 

Carla smiled "I don't like seeing you in pain either, I'm glad you have a new wife who loves you, she is far better than me, the way she looked at you at your wedding, I probably never looked at you like that!" She said, trying to hide the sadness in her voice. 

"You looked so pretty that night with that flower in your hair, you stole the attention from the actual wedding" Jonathon smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear as he couldn't help but move closer, recalling back to that night and how because the whole band had attended of course Carla had, but he just remembered how much he wished he had been marrying her again and how he got drunk out of his mind to even say his vowels that night, because it was so hard especially with Carla there, he knew it would be hard for her.

"I got blind drunk, Mike and Penny found me puking under a table then I fell into the table, got hurt and passed out!" Carla laughed, looking away from Jonathon and taking a sip of her drink.

Jonathon paused "I'm sorry, I never knew!" Jonathon stated. 

Carla shrugged "I told Mike that if he ever told you, I'd cut his d**k off!" Carla smiled, feeling like she had just beared her soul to Jonathon and she felt shy, about how shattered she was that he married again, so soon after their divorce, she had been happy for him that day and still tried to be, but it still hurt, knowing another woman was his wife. 

Jonathon nervously drank his drink quicker than anticipated and poured another "We're you hurt badly that night?" He asked. 

"My soul or my body?" Carla smiled wryly. 

"You said you fell!" Jonathon stammered, suddenly feeling bad as she stared at him, her blue eyes looking like a warm sea, the way she looked when she was sad, lonely, nostalgic or all three. 

"I healed over time Jonathon, I always heal!" Carla nodded "I'm a tough b***h under my elegant drunk bad behaviour!" She winked trying to play off her feelings.   

Jonathon just stared at her as she looked away, he realised she was vulnerable and assumed she was having a mid life crisis, a marriage fall out or was just upset, he always knew how she went up and down in moods for no reason like himself "Um, Carla, did you ever well er, try those anti-depressants you were prescribed after, you know?" Jonathon asked, clearing his throat, not want to upset her worse and bring up the hardest thing he saw her endure, it was still a touchy topic but he felt he needed to ask. 

Carla turned her attention to him, her blue eyes turning icy "I was never a pill popper Jonathon and I don't and never had any type of f*****g depression so why would I need some anti crap!" Carla snapped and then looked away, feeling bad for snapping when she knew he went through the same hardships. 

"I'm sorry, I just care, I just want you to feel good, not behind a mask that you put on to everyone, do you let anyone in anymore because you seem more distant than ever on this tour and I want you to be happy and I haven't seen you happy Carla, not since way back, you only get happy when your off your face, your killing yourself with alcohol and drugs!" Jonathon exclaimed. 

"Your not my husband anymore Jonathon, do you want to force me to go to rehab too, because I drink every f*****g night and am sad, do you want to lock me away, like Eli does!" She yelled and Jonathon jumped, which made Carla feel bad as she bit back tears. 

"I would never ship you off, I'd help you myself if you needed it like you would have for me!" Jonathon explained walking closer and resting his hands on her shoulders.