The House of Angels

How not to drown

'Tell me how it's better when the sun goes down

We will never escape this town

I wasn't scared when he caught me, look what it taught me

Tell me how it's better if I make no sound

I will never escape these doubts

I wasn't dead when they caught me, watch as they pull me down'

-How not to drown CHVRCHES, Robert Smith

It was nine when Ant came to drive Moon back. Dora had helped her going through the last hour of her shift although Moon couldn't help but feel anxious about Clay.

Maybe he was just playing with her mind... maybe he wanted her to know he was always watching her... maybe he was waiting for the right moment to take her.

"You okay?" Ant asked after a few quiet moments, when she got into his car.

"Yeah. Perfectly fine." She feigned a smile but Ant gave her a sceptic look.

"You sure? Did anything happen?" He said, as he drove away from the parking lot.

"Just a tough shift. But I got good tips, for a Monday." She shrugged, lighting a cig.

She kept looking in the rearview mirror anxiously, looking for any trace of Clay's red truck. She couldn't wait to get inside her room and lock herself until the end of times.

She was so scared she started to think about going to him, because not knowing when he was going to take action was a torture. The doubt was killing her and that wasn't living anymore... just surviving.

I'm writing a book on how to stay conscious when you drown

And if the words float up to the surface

I'll keep them down

Or maybe she needed to seriously think about disappearing from town, but she needed money to do so. Perhaps saving money for a month or two would be enough.

"Want to stop for a walk? Maybe a beer by the lake?" Ant asked, noticing how weird she was being.

"Oh, no, I'd like to take a shower and die in my bed." She quickly answered, feigning tiredness, even though she was tense like a violin string and wouldn't be able to get any sleep for sure.

"Oh, you must be tired. Did you eat?"

"I ate something during my shift. Is Josh home?" She said, pulling out her phone from her purse, and scrolling through her notifications. Just two missed calls from Jessie and Rileigh, two of her former teammates, and a missed call from a number she'd never seen before.

She felt her heart beating inside her throat.

"Yeah, he's had an emergency. But he's home. Moon, are you listening to me?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Just tired."

Ant frowned and glanced briefly at her.

Fortunately, he didn't ask any further and they soon arrived at their destination.

___

You promised the world and brought me it hanging from a string

Stuck it in my mouth, into my throat

Told me to sing

The foster home was lively and crowded when Moon and Ant entered from the main, massive door, she could hear the clatter of plates and stoves being washed in the kitchen, as someone played the piano in the music room and someone else enjoyed some tv in the cozy living room. Sister Mary and Sister Monica were drinking iced tea in the small sitting room, Bibles in their hands while discussing some religious theory.

Despite herself, Moon felt a warm feeling in her chest and for a moment she allowed herself to relax a bit. That place was starting to feel like home.

"Good evening everyone." She greeted, dragging her tired feet on the rug of the entry, soon followed by Ant who waved at the nuns distractly, before heading to the kitchen for a snack.

"Hi dear, how was at work?" Sister Mary asked, smiling warmly. She was always sweet and kind to everyone and a little smile appeared on Moon's lips as she thought the nun would have been a great and caring mother if she hadn't decided to take vows.

"Busy and noisy, as always." She answered, tugging a strand of hair behiand her ear.

Her legs and feet hurt and she smelled like french fries and burgers. She just wanted a long shower and maybe a good book to read before bed.

"We left dinner for you, you just need to reheat it." Sister Monica said gently, smiling.

"Oh, thank you but I'm dead tired, I think I'm gonna hit the bed. I have the morning shift tomorrow, need some rest." She answered, heading toward the door.

"Oh sure, dear. Have a good night, then." The nun smiled, sipping her tea.

"Thanks, you too." She said before disappearing behind the door.

"Good night!" Sister Mary intervened.

As she walked upstairs, she couldn't help but think about what she'd seen at the diner. Could it be that she was simply going mad? Could she have imagined him? She needed to talk to Josh, the only person she could rely on.

She walked to his bedroom and knocked on the door, a little nervous. She needed Josh's rationality and pragmatism. He was able to soothe her, he had this effect on a lot of people.

"Yeah?" His gruff voice came from the other side of the door and she heard shuffling inside.

"J-Josh? Is it a bad moment? Were you sleeping?" She asked, a little hesitantly.

She heard a few thuds and some clinking before the door opened and a shirtless Josh came to view, wearing only a pair of faded jeans. He was very well-built and his sculpted chest was glistening with sweat. Her mouth watered when a drop of sweat rolled down his hard abs, inside the waistband of his jeans, following the path of the v-shape leading to the most secret part of him.

There was a cloud of smoke inside the room and it smelled like weed. Behind Josh she could see Daniel laying on the bed, wearing only a pair of briefs, watching her, expressionless.

Before she could say anything, Josh pulled her inside his room and locked the door behind her, rolled a shirt to cover the empty space between the door and the floor and turned to look at her.

"Sorry, but Mrs Solonov is very stern with this kind of things. We need to be careful." He sighed, approaching her and placing his hand on her upper arm.

Daniel nodded at her and she nodded back. An awkward tension filled the air around them, along with the strong smell of weed. She was starting to get pretty high, but she was still uncertain how to deal with Daniel after saturday. They hadn't seen each other since he left hurriedly with Vera, and it was hard to determine were they stood.

"I can come back later..." she said, feeling a little uncomfortable because of his presence. And, yeah, it was pretty hot but why couldn't they put a shirt on? It should be illegal to walk around shirtless when you're that hot.

"It's ok, sorry, we were just getting high. How was your day? Sorry I couldn't drive you to work, something came up..." he looked at the floor, a little uncomfortably.

"Oh, no problem, Ant drove me. I... I think I need to tell you something." She whispered, glancing briefly at Daniel who hadn't said a single word but kept looking at her with an illegible expression on his godlike face. His grey eyes focused, his pink lips pouted unconsciously.

"What's wrong Moon?" Josh furrowed his brows, noticing she was a wreck of nerves. His hands instinctively went on her cheeks as his worried eyes searched hers.

"I think Clay was at the diner tonight." She blurted out.

Daniel immediately sat up on the bed, clenched jaw, an angry grimace distorted his otherwise flawless features. Josh stiffened, his eyes clouded with worry and confusion.

"Come again?" He said through gritted teeth.

"I mean... I was attending a table when I turned toward the glass door and he was there, staring at me. I..." her breathing became uneven and black spots blurred her vision. Her heart was beating so hard she thought it was going to break her ribs.

I'm writing a chapter on what to do after they dig you up

On what to do after you grew to hate what you used to love

That was the first time I knew

They were out for blood

And they would have your guts

Daniel rushed out of the bed, wasting no time approaching her as Josh watched her in confusion.

"Josh, she's having a panic attack!" He said quickly, gripping her upper arms to turn her around so she was facing him.

Her shallow breaths fanned his lips as he leaned closer so his eyes could catch hers.

His heart was hammering in his chest, he felt so damn angry and worried and guilty at the same time.

Angry, because that piece of s**t needed to be put in his place once for all. How dare he come back to harass her after what Josh had told him? Was he really not scared or just stupid?

And, of course, worried for her, for her incolumity, for her emotional reaction to his perverse mind games.

And absolutely guilty, because it was entirely his fault if Josh couldn't drive her to work that afternoon. Because Josh was worried he might destroy his room again after he'd seen him.

"Moon, look me in the eyes and breath with me." His hands went on her cheeks as he breathed with her, inhaling and exhaling deeply, slowly, rhythmically.

Moon felt lulled by his hands, comforted by his eyes and safe because of his closeness. His spicy, familiar scent relaxed her. He was so amazing... he was so beautiful, how had she even managed to kiss him? He was too good to be true.

Wait, what? Maybe she was higher than she thought.

"Yeah, like that... what a good girl you are..." he whispered lowly when she leaned on him with closed eyes, feeling weak and spent as the bad sensations left her body bit by bit.

His arms engulfed her and he pushed her back gently, so she could sit on Josh's bed, squeezed between the two of them.

Josh took her hand and stroked her back as her head leaned on Daniel shoulder, his hand caressing her thigh.

"I'm a good girl... I'm a good girl..." she repeated to herself as her breathing returned normal.

"Oh, yes you are... a nice, pretty, good girl..." Josh whispered, kissing her cheek affectionately.

"A good girl..." she nodded, her voice shaking.

Daniel's chest tightened at the sight of her like that. His little brat seemed to disappear whenever that pig came near her. And he was starting to lose his patience.