Forbidden attraction (The stars book 3)

3: Nothing but a trophy

 *Dean*

 "It has to be a daughter. I mean she was definitely young enough, or I think. I mean not easy to tell from the eyes, but that's just the... feeling I had". I am telling Joel about my meeting with Zara.

 Joel is standing in the doorway, looking out into the small garden. "It's so not fair that you have a garden, and it even comes completely with a fairytale princess".

 I chuckle. "I am pretty sure she isn't a part of the dekorations Joel. But I can't help wondering why her face was covered. I mean I haven't seen any other woman here wear a vail". I am laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

 Joel shrugs. "Who knows, she could have a giant mustache she wants to hide, or some weird growth on her face. She could be deform".

 "She had the most amazing and beautiful eyes and such a warm voice, and her English was actually very good compared to most people around here". I have a hard time getting her out of my mind. There had been an intimate sad air around her.

 Joel turns around, looking at me with a hint of concern. "Be careful Dean, very careful. Remember not even a handshake".

 "Relax Joel, I was just talking to her. I mean that can't be illegal. Honestly I don't understand their rules, but I am going to respect them while I am here". I say, sitting up on the bed and swinging my feet down on the floor.

 I find it utterly ridiculous to treat women as lesser beings, but there isn't anything I can do about it while I am here. If I try speaking my mind it will only get me in trouble.

 But I know this is something I have to speak out against when I get home. After having seen the reality, I just can't sit idle any longer. And I am pretty sure Joel agrees with me.

*Zara*

 "So have you met them yet, Zara, the actors I mean ?" Sada is fiddling around cleaning my room, but I suspect it is mostly to have an excuse for gossiping with me.

 I am sitting at my makeup table, retouching the dark painted lines around my eyes. "I ran into one of them in the small garden earlier. He has the room on the other side of it".

 "I think they are sooo very handsome. Not at all like the local men. They are definitely different". Sada looks at me with a dreamy look in her eyes.

 I am pretty sure it's mostly because they are new, different and exciting. Sada is, after all, an unmarried woman and still dreams of a young handsome prince coming to take her away to a better life. "I didn't look so much at him honestly, but he had a really nice voice".

 "You could… you know, glance at them". Sada says, biting her lip. "I mean, no one would notice that".

 I just shrug. I have already looked far more than I am allowed. Any line overstepped brings me in danger.

 "I heard that Imad is planning a big party for the film people in two days. Do you think he will let you attend ?" Sada has stopped cleaning and is looking at me.

 I guess things will be as always. "It depends if he wants to show me off or not, remember I am nothing but his trophy … something beautiful to brag about owning, like his palads and his horses".

 I hate these kinds of parties. They are always so big and loud, and all the rules are broken by the men, because they are men and they have all the power. They get drunk, even though they shouldn't drink and there will surely be dancing girls. Sparsely clad girls for the men to look at and entertain themselves with.

 I look at myself in the mirror, slowly trailing a finger over my cheek and my lips. I have been told all of my life that I am beautiful.

 My beauty is a curse. Sometimes I wish I had been born ugly or even just plain. Then maybe I would have been married to an ordinary man, maybe even one who loved me and treated me well, instead of being an old man's beautiful trophy in a gilded cage.

 The only advantage of having an older husband is that he only visits my chamber at night about once a week. I hate when he comes seeking my bed and my company. I hate what he does to me and that he is touching my naked body, it doesn't feel nice.

 And that thing, the… marital obligations, the baby making. I shudder at the thought. He will crawl on top of me and stuff his thing inside me. Then he'll huff and puff like some animal and sweat on me for about five minute. After that he'll thank me, telling me that hopefully I am with child this time, before he leaves me alone to the thoughts and despair.

 I am not sure if I want to become pregnant. In some ways having a kid would be wonderful, someone I could care for and love. Someone that would love me unconditionally. But childrens belong to the man and what if he gets tired of me with time ? He would be able to kick me out and keep my children.

 But as things are I might have to accept that I am baren, unable to bear children. So in some ways I am grateful to be beautiful, as long as I am pretty to look at and make other men envious, my future is secured, at least to where I have a home, clothes and food and no other men can touch me.