Progress

4. Wedding

I’m so nervous, my hand shaking, my palms watery, I don’t know if I’ll cry or smile while walking towards the isle, my mother and father right by my side, the only time that they held my hand.

Looking at the love of my life, expecting even a hint of happiness in her eyes, but, i saw no happiness, i saw misery, loneliness, hatred, and anger. From that moment I realized. I stole her smile from her by marrying her.

I tried to compose myself and walked towards the isle, focusing my attention only at her. After a long walked we are now at the altar, standing face to face at each other, expecting her eyes to be pointed at me since we are now standing close at each other, and yet her eyes is not pointed towards me, following the direction of her eyes, there, I saw Logan at the end of the church stunningly beautiful with a white gown, her eyes full of tears, smiling directly at Tania mouthing goodbye, and walked away. Now that she is gone, would you look at me?

The ceremony started, we responded to the priest like we love each other just like we practiced, and kissed just like we practiced, no feelings or emotion attached, just words spouting from our mouth and not our heart.

At the reception of our wedding, we sat at the top of everyone, smiling and thanking the visitors for coming and sparing their time for this celebration. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I am getting tired, getting tired of smiling and pretending that everything is alright.

I went inside a cubicle when 2 woman entered the bathroom and started talking, I heard them talking.

"Why would Tania marry Cory?” she asked pure curiosity in her voice.

"Isn’t it that Tania and Logan are going out together and that Cory is said to be pregnant right?" the other woman responded

"Yes I also thought so, and why would Tania marry Cory just because Cory is pregnant, it’s not like Tania is a guy." She asked with curiosity and wonder in her voice

"That is indeed true, but what if Tania is a guy?”

“Ha! Such conspiracy, going back, to Tania and Logan”

“Such a waste, Tania and Logan looked so good together don’t you think?”

"Totally, they look so perfect together."

Holding my tears, I tried to my best to not care. It’s our wedding night at least I want to enjoy it while it last even if it ain’t real. After composing myself, I went back at the reception and sat beside Tania

I attempted to hold Tania’s hand to feel some kind of warmth, thinking that we are in a same boat, and maybe we can comfort each other, but Tania shoved my hand away. I am hurt, I knew that, that would happen I knew, and yet I was hoping something else to happen, maybe she will smile at me, but as always I am wrong. I didn’t show her my disappointment; I just smiled and act like nothing happened. After a tiring hour the reception is already over.

This is it, our so called first night together, I was planning to talk to her when she comes in our room, and I waited at our room and waited and waited until I fell asleep. Later that night I woke up, and still Tania was not by my side, I walked out, trying to find her.

Later on I found her crying, she’s with Logan, her whom she loves, her whom she wished to be with forever.

I heard them talking, Tania begged her to wait, kneeling crying, begging her and begging her, crying talking with pain in her voice.

“Please, Logan, what happened to us was just a drunken mistake, please believe me, you are the only one I love Logan"

“Tania, I am sorry, I also love you But i don’t want the child to grew up without you, I am sure that you will be a great father to the child" Logan said pain in her voice, her tears pouring while looking at the begging Tania.

“Please Logan, wait for me please? Just give me a year; i will fix this promise, please Logan?"

Logan just smiled and hugged the kneeling Tania, “I love you Tania" she said with a defeated voice.

My heart broke, knowing that I am the reason of their pain; I am the reason, with pained heart. I went back to our room, looked at the mirror

“Such a useless piece of s**t, because you she is crying, because of you she is in pain and because of you her life is miserable all because of you” Pointing at my reflection in the mirror, blaming myself for all that is happening, it would have been great if I was never born, then maybe, just maybe all of this ordeal shouldn’t have happen.