Bound

Chapter 3

Nneoma

Everything echoed.

The wind was like an unseen display of gentle force. The quiet was mysterious... How could everything be so in motion but absent of sound? 

My feet soaked in the warm, tender pastures.... it felt as if I was floating, but I was certain I wasn’t.

Or was I? Was the pasture even cold or warm? My nerves couldn’t make sense of it. 

I was surrounded by an endless stretch of darkness, but I could see. Where did all the light come from? How could I see at all? The trees seemed like they were older than time itself; a forest so thick it shouldn’t be able to find a way through. But there was a path. It stood out like a gem in hay, beckoning me. 

Was I to take it? Where did it lead to?

It all felt like the shadowed patch in an incomplete epiphany.... A realization— a premonition of sorts.

This was the third recurrence of this dream... 

“This dream”? How was I aware that it was a dream? The fact that I have so many questions should be a question itself.... Why so many questions? 

Just as my mind struggled to get a grip of it's tangled thoughts, I heard her voice again. I had the same feeling I had the first time I had this dream about her: she felt familiar.

I had this feeling about her... inklings of a memory I knew I didn’t have; a feeling of certainty of who it was. It was me. Or in a more accurate sense, who I always wanted to be.  

Her hair waved like the silkiest thread in the midst of summer wind, they glowed like they were a sliver of moonlight itself. They kept the secret of her face like the delicate veil over a bride's head.

"Wait," I called out as I stretched my arms towards her. My feet proceeded with the first step, then the second, and in no time I was racing after her. 

My lungs struggled, as I tried to decide between keeping up the race and quiting, as I failed miserably to keep the rhythm of my pace in tune with the deathly silence that was interrupted by the snapping of twigs underfoot.

“Come bac–”, “I just wanna tal–”, “Just stop runni–”

Each twig of the tree that I blocked away from entering my eyes, had her a lot further when my eyes were reopened.

It was unreal, like a movie scene of a mystical realm in which a single step had you a lot farther away from your goal. I was getting sick and tired of this, but I had an undeniable feeling that the entity was all that made sense in this unfathomable region that seemed to make a mockery of space and time.

The closer I got to her, the farther away she appeared. The laws of physics and the very basis of mathematics clearly had no place here. But I kept running.

My feet were getting deprived of energy, as I pushed my endurance to it's limit, my lungs hinting for a rest; I was weary and felt myself at my limit..... But... But.... 

“Will you just f*****g wait”, I yelled out at the peak of my voice and there.... she.... she giggled.

Her voice moved through the air in a distorted manner like energy traveling through different dimensions in unmeasurable frequencies.

In a way, I think—I really think she was undeniably happy and right there before I was drawn back to what was supposed to be my “normal” reality, I felt it too. 

It only lasted a split eternity, but in that moment, I knew that I felt happiness and satisfaction, deep within myself, so soothing, I thought I'd imagined it.

Then that damn alarm..... Arrrghhh!!!! 

I yelled like that one loud neighbor you’ll give anything to kill twice or trice..... or ten times just to be certain. I blindly searched for my phone in the dark, spreading my arms out over the bed like a group of scouts displaced in an enemy territory.

The day smelled like freshly baked delight, made to counter my excessive blend of sluggishness—I just wanted to surrender to the comfort of my bed all day— without doubt, that was unquestionably too much to ask. 

But that sound—that miserable sound.... Where must I have dropped the phone? 

Unfortunately, Monday wasn’t the day I despised most, like most people; it was Wednesday. 

Wednesday knew no compassion or any sort of tenderness. It was my enemy, every week and I was nothing but a slave in shackles—bound to forever succumb to its excruciating torment. 

From the alarm in the morning to the seemingly endless journey from one class to another... I was fed up, but I had no choice in the matter. 

I finally found my phone. It was under the bed all along. I must’ve left it there while I was reading the previous night..... Oh s**t! The previous night! I was preparing for an 8 o’clock test for this morning. The sudden acrobatics in my mind made me anxious as confusion made a playground of it. My every thought conveniently contradicted themselves and I was left with my mind in jeopardy. 

I checked the time; seventeen minutes past seven. I felt the strength in me build up from one to a million in less than a second. I was energized like the very charged cells of Thor flowed through my veins. I felt my muscles tighten as each heartbeat shortened the time before the next— my heart was aggressively violating my intentions to remain calm as it violently protested within its imprisonment. 

I jumped off the bed and fell flat on the floor. I knew I was most certainly going to feel that later in the day. My memories went Judas on me as they betrayed me at every moment of that morning. I tried remembering all I had read the previous night as I had my bath, but all I could work with were the flashes I couldn’t rely on as the warm water seduced my skin with an alluring touch. 

I wasn’t going to fall for that….. I mustn’t. 

I detested John’s class. He was too ancient to accept modern style. Anything two inches above the knee was only acceptable in a w***e house so far as John was concerned. 

I pulled out a couple more dresses and they were either too revealing or TOO revealing. Call me a w***e if you may; I’ll plead guilty and be convicted for a lifetime, while still not giving a single thought to what your opinion subjects you to believe. On the other hand, I was screwed—I was so screwed the term itself didn’t quite describe it. Time was against me and I was in no condition to compete. 

Breakfast crossed my mind and I crossed breakfast off my mind in the same instant. The audacity of such thought at that moment should be a whole course of study.

I eventually got myself into a blue jean that revealed the curves of my lower body and a top that was John-standard. I dashed to class so fast my shadow could have been a few steps behind. My lungs felt overused and struggled to process the air, which felt denser than oil and cement mixed together. 

I stopped at the entrance, dismissing my thoughts and gathering my poise. I walked into class and found everyone was individually or collectively participating in one activity or another—all of which were most definitely not pertained to the test we were supposed to have. 

Mr. John himself wasn’t in the class and that raised the question I directed to one of my course mates, “What’s up with the test?” My tone came across with much more disgust than I intended. 

“Apparently the test was canceled,” she responded with a relieved smile that betrayed how very unprepared she was. 

I sighed… My shoulders dropped and my mouth was left ajar. I couldn’t particularly place my mood—was I glad the test was canceled or was I pissed that I had to race down to the class like the end of the world was upon me? 

It didn’t quite matter which it was…. This was still a Wednesday and I was still that slave in shackles—bound by the consistent torment that paralyzed my will to take control of my day. 

On to the next class, I suppose.