After the fight with Carson, I had a long session with my therapist. It helped me process through my conflicting emotions about the whole thing. At first, I panicked thinking I was repeating all the same patterns that had me stuck in my previous abusive relationship. With that one exception, Carson had been so sweet to me—he wasn’t anything like my nameless ex. It didn’t mean I wasn’t triggered by his actions, but all relationships had conflict. I didn’t want the fight to change our dynamic. I loved how responsive he was to me. He was always hugging me or stroking my hair, caressing my cheek, or wrapping his arms around me. Plus, he never complained when I stuck my cold feet under him at night—it was a small thing, but one my ex had always complained about. He even cuddled me while I slept
