The double arrangement

4

Newcrest. NEW CREST. AS IN..NO WAY..

That name. It suddenly made so much sense. Why Jona had that same feel to him. He was Max's goddamn brother. I never knew he had a brother. Even though we hung out every day for years. He never spoke about a brother. Not once. When I asked him about any siblings or extended family he said he was an only child.

Whenever I went to his house there'd be no room for a sibling. Just a house with his parents room, his room a kitchen and a bathroom. It just seemed impossible that I was staring at this boy who was part of Max's life.

The thought made me physically ill, like the idea of Max lying to me about his own life wasn't possible. Yet it was. Why was I even surprised anymore?

I try to calm my racing heart, knowing that any flicker of nervousness could betray me. I didn't want to show any emotion. At least not in front of Jonah.

Jona pulls a blue plastic chair next to him, gesturing for me to sit. I legs feel like lead, almost like I could collapse right in front of everyone. After a moment of hesitation I sit down, not sure if I should be thankful or dread every moment.

Jonah turns to me, waving a packet of gum in my face. I grab it from him and he laughs, almost like we are friends. Yet I know the truth. How long until he knows too?

"I didn't catch your name.. Although I should have had it by now. I did introduce myself first you know, he says, grinning.

I know he's right. I was so focused on breathing that I didn't even give my name to him. I open my mouth and then suddenly I close it again. Jonah doesn't seem to notice as he talks to a few girls on the left side of him. When did they get here?

I'm about to say my name when I stop myself. I can't give him my actual name. If he finds out who I really am, he might hate me. He clearly knows who Ryan is.. That's who he's looking for...

But he doesn't have to know it's me. I can lie. It's just one stupid white lie right? No one would ever know. And I can always ask my sister to lie for me. I have no close friends so it should work. Although... it'll take a lot of planning to pull it off.

I take a deep breath as I turn towards Jonah.

" It's Leo. Leo Ivory. Sorry. I'm not used to people asking my name"

The lie is calm. Neutral. Jonah nods, his gaze softens. I can't tell if he's analyzing my words. Yet he still shakes my hand. His skin is soft, the contact sending a warmth down my arm I haven't felt before. I look away before he can see my flushed expression.

Ugh how utterly ridiculous I am around teenage boys!

"Nice to meet you Leo. Max hasn't mentioned you. I'm guessing you're not one of his friends?"

I feel a pit of despair in my stomach. I can't take his questions. Yet I can answer this one. Although the answer wouldn't be a lie, it still hurts to mutter the words out loud. Especially since I haven't been asked that in a while.

"I knew him.. But we weren't friends. He didn't exactly know my name .. You know.. Me not being popular and everything.

Jonah nods. The assembly starts and I can relax knowing that the talking is finally over. Although parts of me feel guilty for lying. Although it gets worse. I can't help but notice a slight tingle when Jonah accidentally brushes his arm against mine or his knee makes contact with mine. I can't believe I'm doing this. Lying. Rule one of this year already broken- no more lies. Thanks to Jonah I've already lied more than once. Although I shouldn't blame him. I should blame myself. Me and my stupid hormones.

Later that afternoon as I walk to the car, I try and contemplate on the days happenings. My sister however is too busy trying to abuse my car doors and today I don't seem to care. All I want to do is go home and lay in bed cursing my existence. And my tolerance around cute guys. This is what I get for having a sister who gets me Playboy's. I just can't win in this life. Well.. At least not in this moment.

I unlock the car doors, Quinn getting hastily inside, waiting for me to start the car. She puts on her music and I don't protest, only thinking about getting home. Quinn lowers the volume on the radio after the fourth song, her look of annoyance fading slightly.

"Earth to Ryan. Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost or something. Which in our damn school.. Would be pretty accurate"

"I'm fine. Besides ghosts in our school has been proven multiple times. Don't you follow the ghost hunting podcast on Spotify?"

I say nothing else as I continue driving. Quinn doesn't stop though. She gives me her stare, the one and only Quinn stare. It always seems to work on me even though I'm not looking. My fingers tap nervously on the steering wheel and I know Quinn is looking at me now.

Whether or not she's staring at me or my hands I don't exactly know. She stops the music completely and my headache eases slightly. My sister's music taste should be the torture catalogue in prison.

"Ryan. You're not fine. What happened? Did someone bother you.. And you lost control again? Because if that's the case-"

"No Quinn. No. It's nothing like that. "

She releases a breath and I feel a little bit offended that she thinks I lost control. Although I know she's only looking out for me. Quinn takes a deep breath before she continues. This time however she's not that nervous.

"Then what is it? It can't be that bad. Whatever it is.. You can tell me. You're not coming out again are you? "

I sigh as I contemplate whether I should drag my sister in to my own mess. If I should consider her feelings first. The last time I definitely didn't. Although I know she'd support me through everything if I told her. Quinn was just that kind of sister.

Even though she annoys me. I still love her. I always have. I even came out to her first. She got me condoms as a gift. It was kinda sweet and disturbing at the same time.

"I lied. And it's something huge Quinn. Like huge ... huge."

" Okay. Walk me through exactly where and what you lied about. I'm sure it's not that bad-

"I met Jonah Newcrest. I lied to him. I told him my name was Leo instead of Ryan. There. I don't know what to do"

"New crest.. Wait.. That's Max's surname. "

Quinn tenses up at the mention of Max. I could see the worry etched in her features. I totally understood. Max was a menace. The last time he and Quinn spoke, was the day I lost control. The day I was expelled. I feel like I should drop the conversation.. Yet I know I should continue. We might never get to talk about this again. Or ever.

"Apparently he has a brother. And now I lied to another famn Newcrest. "

"Are you going to tell him the truth? Quinn asks, fixing the strap of her tote bag

"I can't.. He'll hate me for what I did to his brother. He knows who ryan is ..max obviously told him.. I know he won't ever talk to me again if he knows. So please Quinn.. Don't let him know."

"So you want me to lie for you.. For a boy you find cute.. Hmm.. I guess I can do that. But only if you promise that you'll tell him eventually. Before the situation escalates. Promise you'll tell him. "

I nod as we approach our apartment. My sister hugs me, a genuine big sister hug and I smile. There are small moments like that when I know my sister cares. Even though we're one year apart I still feel like I should be protecting her. She breaks apart and ruffles my hair, like she used to when we were kids. I miss those days.

I take my things from the car and head to my room. There I can hopefully make sense of my day. That and the complete urge to just fall on the floor. Even on that damn carpet that I really hate.

I storm into my bedroom and plop down on my bed, the cool covers easing the tension in my body slightly. I can't stop thinking about him. Jonah. His eyes. His curly hair that his brother never took care of. Even his smile. His gorgeous crooked grin. It's almost like it's haunting me. Like I'm repeating my past. If that was the case.. I knew I had to step as far away as I could. I couldn't make another one hate me. Once was already too much.