From the Dark into the Light

The “Actual” Start

TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE BOOK!!! MENTIONS SELF HARM SUCIUDAL TENDENCIES THROUGHOUT!! (I promise I’ll always warn ahead!)

TRIGGER warnings in this chapter.

My hand shook as I raised the mascara tube to my eyes, staring at the blank blue orbs in the mirror, I shook my hand before applying a generous amount to my long lashes. The nerves had wrecked through my veins and no amount of copious anti-depressant or downer could calm them. Regardless, I decided the first day of this school I would be simple. Blend. That all that I needed to do. My long brownish blonde hair was naturally wavy and layers fell from my side part, complementing my oval face. I kept a simple smokey eyeshadow look with browns and a hint of black. My complexion pale, highlighting the freckles that danced across my nose and ear to ear, I hated wearing foundation. Thankfully I had clear skin going for me.

“Katy, we need to leave!” My brother Tuck yells from down the stairs. His voice slightly cracking. I couldn’t help the smile.

“I’m comin’” I yell back. Pulling the ripped jeans over the scars that lined my thighs. The rips aligned just right you couldn’t see them even if someone glanced hard enough. Not even my own family had known, yes I was being medicated. But it honestly didn’t help much. Snapping back into real time I hurry to collect the few things I had yet to throw in my bag, tossing them into it, I zip it shut.

I have seven siblings and if I had a favorite sibling that would be Tuck, he has saved me in ways even he didn’t know. But lately he was changing, and we were becoming more distant. Call it puberty, maybe depression. Whatever.

Looking in the mirror I judged my outfit, the simple ripped jeans with a simple lavender sweater. A zip-up black hoodie. My black and white vans with it, I hiked on my pink and black floral bag and made my way downstairs to the kitchen, grabbing a pop-tart and a juice I met my brother by the door. Being only eleven months apart had its perks, he was in the same school as me and we were really close growing up, but if I’m real. Tuck has always been more popular. His curly black hair, an unmistakable white streak through the combed out bush that still managed to have the girls flocking to him. He had already made a few friends in our town and somehow managed to become somewhat popular already. He shared my similar blue eyes and freckled face. He honestly was just a good guy, mostly. He had his moments. I will say, he liked his debates and wouldn’t hesitate to prove his point. Sometimes, when dad was home off the road, you could hear Tuck debating with him. He had always had an interest in politics, and incredible with math…Alright…maybe I’m a tad jealous.

“Ready?” He says opening the door. His blue eyes shining. White streak standing center of the front fluff.

“Everyone else waiting out front?” I ask, noticing the house had turned oddly silent fast.

“Yeah, momma took the younger kids to daycare already and we have to walk Bobs and Ry to the bus stop with us.” He said, and I could feel the same sense of dislike in his tone that I held. My younger sister Bobby, and younger brother Uriah were spoiled. All four of the littler ones were. Mom is busy a lot of the time, and us kids…well we kind of get to care for each other. A lot. Which results in the three of us older kids giving the littler ones what they want so we don’t get yelled at. Then my parents let them have everything first, truthfully us older ones get put on the back burner often.

The walk to the park was thankfully short and being that we lived in the middle of bum f**k nowhere, there weren’t many kids. Everyone in this small town seemed nice so far, just quiet and shy. My younger siblings played on the swings while we waited, the old rusted bars creaking loudly. The town we moved to had a population of a strong 200, and kids in it were friendly enough. The school covered the kids within district range, which honestly wasn’t a large amount. The bus ride was long, and Tuck had already made a few friends…So I was on my own, again. Always the black sheep.

By the time first period had ended rumors were flying about the two new kids in the middle school, me and my “cute” brother. Insert eye-roll now. Bleeehhh.! I was just average, and even though I was at the age I should be “blossoming” I was flatter than a board and thinner than a feather. And yet to even start my period. Which apparently made you cool to the girls my age, although I don’t have much interest in “girly” things. Everyone in my family was tall and mostly thin. Everyone but my mother and older brother had blue eyes like my dad. Mom and Chris sharing hazel green eyes.

It was easy to blend here. I kind of stopped enjoying the world when I found out how f*****g awful it really is. My mind reeled through the same endless loop and cycle over the next few weeks, by the time a month has passed Tuck became popular amongst the whole school, the smart funny guy. Nice and kind, outgoing. On the other hand I was the opposite, shy. Quiet. Don’t cause waves. Funny the difference in the two of us when I truly think about it.

My entire family was different in their own ways. My older brother, technically half, had taken a liking to our move and his new friends. He had also taken a liking to drugs, just his own way of drowning out the sound. I once caught him smoking a blunt in our barn at the old place, and he laughed and said if I snitched he would ‘knock my lights out,’ and I believed him. Ever since the choice of substance changed, he got more…violent.

My thoughts as always played in my own world, the time just passing by. I had made a few friends however, Jacky, Cassandra, and Jessica. They sat at our table as they giggled and talked about popular boys, crushes, parents. Just droning on about all life’s issues, but were interrupted when the cafeteria doors slammed open.

“That dumb b***h asked for it!” I could hear the boy practically laughing.

“Uncalled for, and you’re going to be in huge trouble Jack!!” The principal was actually trailing behind this boy as he strut his way through the cafeteria clearly proud of whatever foolish thing he’d done. His long sand colored, loose curl hair pulled into a pony tail ending just past his shoulder blades. He wore black skating sneakers and dark jeans. His dark grey band tee complemented his blue eyes, and goofy grin. As they are making their way down the hall and to the office area, the principal was yelling at him the whole way, as he walked casually like it was another day.

The cafeteria that had fell silent, started whispering. By the time sixth bell rang the school buzzed with news about a fight, Jack had held another kid by the throat in gym because he called him a p***y. From the way the kids talked it sounded though the kid who got a lil scraped up deserved it. Something about Jack just told me he was trouble through.

And boy was I right.