13
Rue
Things are unsteady between us for a while. I find myself brooding a lot, feeling like I’m hiding something from Dryas that is so big and so unforgivable that I can’t even say it aloud.
Not even that — I don’t even have words for the things that I let Father Derrik do to me. Replaying all my time at the convent, every single confession ever heard by him… it is almost physically painful to think about.
Focusing especially on all the punishments doled out makes me cringe. I have this image of myself kneeling in Sister Marguerites’ office, my heart beating fast, feeling the weight of Father Derrik’s hand coming down on my shoulder.
The way my lungs hurt after each time I remember it. It’s like being hit with a lead pipe across the back, time and time again.
A thousand memories of
