The Emotionless Bride

Chapter 12

I managed to get some sleep last night just switching off my brain. I had learned how to just shut down, for when you need to sleep. I had no job to do today so I just sat and thought about yesterday on what happened.

Driving myself crazy I pulled out my laptop and opened the internet, maybe that could give me some answers. Signing on I opened the internet and typed what had happened to me yesterday, doing search after search. I learned a lot, but I still didn’t understand what it meant.

I closed the internet and just went through my old jobs updating the reports of the Don and his guards as I haven’t had time to fully do. I like to keep records of who I have killed, how and the reason why. This helped me to relax as I know what I am doing here. Work always keeps me going, it is routine, something that grounds me. My phone let me know I had a notification, a bank transfer of the million promised to me by Ruslan. I forgot about that payment.

When I finished my reports, I didn’t have anything to do, so I went to my secret compartment in the wardrobe and pulled out my note pad and pencils. I had learned I was good at drawing. One day I had a pen and paper in front of me and just let my hand wonder across the page and drew the fruit bowl that was in front of me. My uncle secretly liked my drawings and used the note pad as a reward when I done a good job in training.

Now I sat and just let my hand wonder across the page, thinking of Ruslan. Hours had gone passed, and I had almost finished the drawing of him I had done. I drew him standing in front of me holding out his hand for me to take at the ball. I do not know why that memory was the strongest.

Maybe because it was the first time someone held my hand, not in combat grabbing it.

Feeling hungry I made myself some food, feeling in a cooking mood I made some stew and dumplings. As it was cooking, I had a breakfast bar to tide me over till the food was cooked. I opened my laptop again, so I didn’t lose track of time again. I needed to look up marriage and a wedding that Ruslan said we were going to be doing. I will not go in blind.

Hearing noise outside I got up and looked through the peephole and see the guards were back in the place across from me. A sudden urge for me to invite them in came over me. I looked to the ceiling asking God if it was him urging me when the urge came on stronger. I guess I have enough food. It would have lasted me a few days so I guess I could feed them and question them, get some ideas of what to expect.

I opened the door just as they were shutting their door.

‘’Wait.’’ I shouted at them, the door stopped and opened wide, both guards standing there looking at me.

‘’You both have some time to talk to me, I will feed you.’’ Their eyes lit up when I said this and they were out of their door coming across to me.

I opened the door wide and let them in, telling them to sit on the sofa, I went and checked the food.

Going back into the room I wasn’t sure where to start and started to feel uncomfortable. This was the first time I had someone in my place, not including the two times Ruslan came in without me telling him to.

‘’It smells really good the food you are cooking.’’ One guard said he was the one who unlocked my door. ‘’Sorry should say my name is Sergey and this is Lev.’’ I nodded my head, not bothering to tell my name, they were at the ball and surely should know it.

Taking a seat in the chair, I had spare, I thought about what I need to ask. They both gave me a chance to gather my thoughts, I decided to go with what a wedding is and go from there. They both seemed shocked by this question and explained what a wedding is pulling up photos to help me understand. I then asked about what it means for me as Ruslan said he was marrying me.

They seemed to be stumped on how to help me with that question, so I got up and went and checked on the food cooking. We had sat chatting for a while. Give it another half an hour and then I can dish up the food. Thankfully I had extra plates.

In the living room Lev pulled up a photo of someone in a white dress. He explained and showed all pictures of who wears what.

Apparently, I have to wear the white dress. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, I have never worn a dress before, nor any clothes but black. I told them I don’t have one of them dresses and do not own any clothes in colour, they told me Ruslan would have it all sorted.

I went back to kitchen getting drinks and dishing up the food, I needed a minute to think.

We sat in silence only the cutlery hitting the plate could be heard. It seemed to go into a comfortable silence the men eating the food as if they had never been fed and giving me time to think. I guess people being in your space isn’t so bad, they have not got up and snooped around which is good.

My uncle always told me to never let anyone into your home, never get close to anyone as they can turn on you, or be used as bait if you love them and make it harder to kill them as you would be worried about the person and not think clearly. If you make a friend they could be a spy for someone getting all intel on you, how your home is laid out, using it against you.

A memory popped in my head, I was about 5 years old, and a new girl came in for training, she had lost her family, and my uncle took her on. I invited her into my room, just to help her with what happens in training and other things. My uncle found us and the girl I never see again, she got sent to another training place. My uncle, his words ringing in my ears now, told me to never get close to anyone, how they can turn. I had the cane that night on my knuckles, even when I bleed, I had to have the feelings taken out of me.

Coming out of the memory I see I was stroking my knuckles where the scars were. Pulling away from my thoughts, I got the guys to show me more of a wedding and they pulled up videos for me as they had finished eating.

When it got late, they went back to their place leaving me with my thoughts. Am I to wear a white dress, am I going to be married? It was all so confusing for me as it is going against everything I had been told not to do. It had confused me when my uncle let his guard down with the woman he got with and soon killed him, he went against everything he stood for and taught us.

Cleaning up, I stopped thinking about it, I guess I will just go along with it. Getting ready for bed, I slipped in and just switched off my mind again. These past two days I have learned a lot, I have heard these words but never seen them, never experienced them and now I am. I do not know what to feel, I only know what I have been trained.

Sending a prayer up to God again to help me with guidance, and help with my confusion of what is happening.