The Hybrid Queen Mother

Chapter 10

Jordan’s POV

When Marcy finally left, I felt myself break down. I knew she could feel my feelings through this damned bond, no matter how hard I tried to block her out. But I couldn’t cry in front of her.

I know she was just doing her best to try and make me feel better, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had one job, and I failed. And I hurt her in the process. I didn’t deserve her kindness. But my selfishness needed it.

“You know, there was a lot I wanted to say to you after the war. When I got hurt, I thought I was going to die, and that I wouldn’t have the chance to tell you. But then I woke up and found out you were the one who died.” I tried my best not to cry, but it was so f*****g hard.

“I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings, but I assumed our relationship was a good example.” I started again, not really knowing how to put my feelings into words. “When I met Marcy, I knew she was different from others in our world. I felt… connected to her. She reminded me of… me.”

“I know that sounds weird, but I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“I felt protective over her. And when Gaia asked Milo and I to be her guardian, we accepted without hesitation. The bond we formed felt like it was always meant to be there. I knew that my purpose in life was to protect her, or die trying. She was more than a friend to me. She was family. A little sister I never had. A precious soul that needed to be protected. And you were her mate. My brother.”

I hated that I couldn’t say this to his face. He should be here. He should be going around the world, thanking everyone with her. Being the king he was meant to be. Now everything’s changed, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to help now.

“Damnit, James. Why did you have to die? It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to die, and you were supposed to live!” I gritted through clenched teeth.

“I was supposed to die protecting Marcy, not you. I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself.” I wiped my tears.

“I’ll do better. I promise. I won’t goof off anymore, and I’ll protect her like I should have back then. So rest up in the afterlife. Don’t worry about us down here. I’ll do a good job of being her guardian. I promise. I’ll make you proud.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I just stood there. I couldn’t go back and face Marcy in this state because I knew it would cause her to worry. Instead, I’d wait until I fully composed myself.

“So that’s your relationship with Marcy?” A male voice came from behind me. I quickly turned around to see Kevin standing there, arms crossed with no emotion on his face.

“I’m her guardian,” I stated.

“I thought there was something more going on. I thought you loved her.”

“I do love her. Just not in the same way James did. She's family.”

Kevin walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. This man was scary, and if I were anyone else, I would cower at the sight of him.

“I know what it’s like to feel protective of your family. I'm the same way when it comes to Leanne and James.” He said. “The love and bond you share with your siblings is far different from the bond you share with a mate. And the bond you share with your little sister, who is also your best friend, that’s a whole other level.”

“Yeah, I find it hard to face her with my head held high right now.” I told him.

“A word of advice?” He looked me in the eye. “Marcy is going to be okay. And so are you. As long as you don’t allow your guilt to hold you down. James wouldn’t want you to change. I don’t know much about you, but I know a lot about James. He wouldn’t fight with you if he didn’t trust you. So don’t change. For your sake, and for Marcy’s. That’s what he would have wanted most.” He said, pointing to James’s name on the stone wall.

***

We spent the next month traveling to each pack, clan and coven who assisted us in the war. There were far more than what we initially started with. All the clans that joined us mid-war, including those who had already agreed to join. There were over two dozen to visit.

Since neither of us could sleep anyway, we decided to meet with packs in the morning and then with the vampire clans in the evening. That way we could get through the visits faster. Staying busy helped keep my mind off of things, but the guilt I carried never went away.

When we finished visiting the wolves and vampires, we started making our rounds to the covens. Marcy asked many coven Priestesses, Archmages, and Lords if they knew the whereabouts of Claudia or Vasilia. None did.

After visiting the last coven, Marcy wanted to go back to Black Forest. We had already visited Black Forest, so I wasn’t sure why she wanted to come back. We needed to get back to the Forbidden Woods, so we could help with the last minute preparations for her coronation.

Marcy and I didn’t talk much during our travels. Everything was very surface level and I could tell it was because she didn’t want to upset me. Not that she should even be worrying about me at all. It just added to my guilt. I tried my best to hide it, but she could see through anything.

If I was being honest, I was getting frustrated about it. Her kindness showed me how weak I was. Not to mention, Milo still hasn’t spoken to me. I tried to shift, but I couldn’t even do that. He had completely blocked me out. We had always had a great relationship, so him not being here was really hard.

Like most nights, I couldn’t sleep. And like most nights, I could feel Marcy was awake too. We sought comfort in each other's presence. Sometimes, I’d go to her, other times, she came to me. Tonight, I went to her.

Right as I was about to knock, she opened the door, startling both of us.

“I was on my way to you,” she said before moving out of the way and letting me in.

I made myself comfortable on the large beanbag in her room. She handed me a blanket and pillow since I left mine this time, and we sat in silence for a while before she finally broke it.

“What’s on your mind?” She asked me. We always kept our conversations surface level, so I didn't expect her question.

“Same thing as always,” I told her.

“Jay, please. Talk to me. It might make you feel better,” she pleaded softly.

“And say what!?” I yelled. “That I’m a pathetic and weak guardian? That I’m useless and couldn’t even do the one job I had? I was supposed to protect you, Marcy. And I failed.”

“You did not fail!” she declared. “You protected me. It’s because of you I’ve been able to make it this far.”

“Bullshit. If I wasn’t a failure, your mate would be here. And Milo wouldn’t block me out. Even he knows how weak I am,” I huffed, looking away.

“Is that what this is about? You still feel guilty about James? And Milo isn’t talking to you?” She asked me, concern laced in her voice.

“It’s not your problem.” I got up, ready to go back to my room. I can’t do this right now.

“Yes it is. You and Milo are far too precious to me. I can’t continue to see you like this,” she said, reaching out to stop me. “Huh, now I know how everyone else must have felt,” she mumbled.

“Go to bed, Marcy. We need to be back in the morning to finish preparing for your coronation,” I told her.

“No. Follow me,” she said, walking out the door.

“Marcy. I’m not doing this tonight. I’ll deal with it on my own.” I didn’t want to be a bigger burden on her.

“I’m not asking you as your friend. I’m ordering you as your Queen. Follow me.” She held authority in her voice, but she didn’t command me or use her aura.

“Seriously?" I scoffed. "You’re not the Queen yet.” I mumbled.

“Don’t make me command you,” she threatened.

I sighed and followed her. She led me outside to the front of the house. Some younger pack members walking by bowed and greeted her before going on about their business and I could sense the relief she felt. These were the same pack members that looked down at her just a year ago.

“Shift,” she told me. But I knew I couldn’t.

“I can’t. I haven't been able to sine Moon Creek.” I said with my head hanging down.

“Shift!” she commanded, and I felt my body listening to her.

Shifting was painful, especially since Milo didn’t help. My body was in pain and the feeling of pins and needles coursed through every part of it. Milo was still absent in my mind. Although I was in his body, he continued to block me out. And he refused to heal me.

Marcy must have sensed my discomfort and pulled water from the fountain in the neighbor's yard to heal me. The coolness of the water relaxed my body and, within seconds, I felt the pain disappear.

Once she was done healing me, she swiftly shifted into Gaia and then took off into the forest. I followed behind her. She was fast, but I was able to keep up with her. The closer I got to her, the faster she ran, like it was a game.

I chased her around the forest as fast as I could and the adrenaline started to excite me. It’s been far too long since I last shifted and although Milo was not present, I knew he enjoyed this run as much as I did. I felt like my anger and built up guilt started to fade the harder I ran, and trying to keep up with Gaia gave me something else to focus on.

I started to notice the forest getting more dense and wild as I chased Gaia. She looked so comfortable, jumping over shrubs and darting between trees. As we went deeper into the forest, I lost sight of her and began to panic. If anything happened to her while we were out here, I couldn’t forgive myself.

Lifting my nose up, I began sniffing the air, trying to catch her scent. The wind picked up and I finally caught it. I followed my nose and soon the dense forest opened up and there was a large pond with a waterfall in front of me.

Marcy was in her human form again and was swimming around gracefully. She waved for me to join her, but I felt awkward about it. She had the Earth's clothes, so she wasn’t naked after shifting back. I didn’t have that luxury. Although it's very normal for wolves to see each other naked, I felt I needed something to cover up.

There are shorts next to the tree behind you. Marcy linked me.

Turning around, I found the shorts. I quickly shifted behind the tree and slid them on before coming out. Although I felt better, I still felt like I didn’t deserve to enjoy this.

“Take a dip. The water feels amazing. Rejuvenating,” she said as she floated on her back, humming to herself.

I nodded and slowly waded into the water. She was right, it felt amazing. I dove under the water feeling it hum all around me before coming back up. Marcy was still floating and humming as she stared up at the moon.

She looked so comfortable, so I did the same. The moon was extra bright tonight, and it brought me peace. The sound of Marcy humming calmed my mind and I found myself in a state of tranquility.

“Milo is hurting.” She said, not taking her eyes off the moon.

“We used to be so close. We had a great relationship. But I haven’t talked to him since I woke up.” I admitted.

“He feels just as guilty as you do. But it’s not him who’s blocking you out. You’re the one blocking him out.”

“That’s not true!” I said, looking at her. But she never took her focus off the moon.

“Lay back down, Jordan,” she said, ignoring my outburst. I did as I was told. “When are you going to forgive yourself?”

“How could I? I failed to protect you and James. He died because I was incompetent.”

“James’s death was not your fault.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked, knowing I shouldn’t have.

“Because I was there.”

Silence filled the air. I had nothing to say to that. I knew she was there. He died in her arms. Or at least that’s what Stella told me. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been. I don’t get a fated mate, but I chose Stella as my mate and I couldn't live if she died in my arms.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Don’t be.” We floated in silence for a few more minutes. “You know I never once blamed you for James’s death. I still don’t. So don’t blame yourself. I’m just happy you’re alive. I thought I lost you both that night.”

“We should probably head back now,” I told her after a few moments of silence.

“I spoke to Milo,” she said, ignoring my previous statement. “He’s been trying to communicate with you and comfort you. But your self-hatred, anger and guilt are blocking him.”

“I can’t help it,” I sighed.

“Then let me help.”

I felt her soft hand grab my arm, and I turned my gaze towards her. She was standing next to me with a soft smile and her green eyes were glowing softly. She pulled me into an upright position, so I was standing in front of her. Then she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

She started humming the same song from before and a soft green glow started to surround us. The water in the pond began to buzz, and I felt my body becoming warmer. I didn’t know what else to do, so I hugged her back. I felt an overwhelming amount of emotions flooding my body at once and tears poured out of my eyes like the waterfall behind us.

Marcy hugged me tighter, and I found myself clinging onto her as I cried like a baby. She kept humming, and my body heated more. As my body warmed, I felt the weight in my chest begin to lift. The hollowness I felt seemed to fill and the guilt and pain faded. My anger vanished and my tears of anguish turned to tears of relief.

Then I felt Milo. The feeling of having him back was the greatest feeling ever. He was my other half and I felt so alone and empty without him. But he was here now, thanks to Marcy.

As she finished her song, she pulled away, tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. The green glow that surrounded us started to fade as she looked me deep in the eyes.

“Thank you for letting me help,” she smiled.

“Thank you. I don’t know what you did. But I needed that. I feel like myself again.” I smiled at her.

“Water heals. Not just physical wounds.”

I thanked her again and hugged her once more. Now, I needed to have a chat with Milo.