The Hybrid Queen Mother

Chapter 6

Jordan’s POV

After breakfast, Stella and I spent the rest of the day together. She took me to the academy, so I could see my parents, who cried tears of joy, seeing me. I know they must have been hurt not knowing if I was going to make it or not, but all the attention was becoming too much.

Everyone asked me the same thing all the time. “Are you okay?” “How are you feeling?” “You must be tired.” “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” “Are you in pain?” “This is a miracle.”

I was over it. I was tired of the questions and the comments. But I understood they were just happy I’m alive. Sometimes, though, I wish I wasn’t. I didn’t deserve to survive. Not at the expense of James.

I’m not trying to sound selfish or ungrateful for my second chance, but I can’t help but feel like it shouldn’t have been mine. I felt like I cheated Marcy out of a happy life. She’s had it hard since the day she was born, and yes, so have I, but she needed James more than I needed to live.

I can’t read minds, but I can feel your emotions. Don’t try to block me out either! Marcy demanded in my mind.

Then don’t block me from yours. I responded.

Fine. She said and stayed quiet for a moment.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. It’s just.. I’m-

Overwhelmed? She finished for me. I get it. If you don’t want to join me, that’s fine. But I’m here for you, J… If you want to talk.

You know how we are. But thanks.

Anytime.

Marcy cuts the link and I noticed everyone staring at me. They must have been talking to me while I was linking with her.

“Sorry, that was Marcy. She was just checking in and wanted me to tell you ‘thank you’ for assisting in the war. And she plans to stop by to make an official and public thank you.” I didn't necessarily lie. She was planning on stopping by.

Stella looked at me, and I could tell she was worried about me. And as much as I tried to act normal, I just couldn’t. It felt forced.

“Son, can I talk to you alone for a second?” My dad asked.

“Of course.”

We left Stella and my mom and headed towards my dad’s office. Closing the door behind us, my dad made his way to his desk and I sat in the chair across from him. It was silent for a moment, and I knew he was trying to read me.

“What’s going on?” He finally spoke.

“Nothing. I’m just tired is all.” I sighed.

“Is that all it is?” He raised a brow at me.

“Yeah. I haven’t moved or done this much in a while, so it’s a little exhausting.”

“You know, you can always come home if you need time away from everything. I’m sure Marcy wouldn’t mind.”

“I know she wouldn’t. But she needs me. I can’t abandon her,” I whispered.

“You can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself,” he said as he looked at me gently.

“I’m okay. Really. I just need some rest.”

“Jordan,”

“Dad, seriously!” I snapped, surprising both of us. I took a deep breath in to calm down. “I’m okay. I’m fine. I just need a little time and space to rest.”

“Alright, son. I’m here if you need me.”

I nodded and left. When I made it back to my mom and Stella, Stella was still looking at me with that sympathetic look, and it started to bother me. I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy or pity. I needed some time alone so I could wrap my mind around what happened.

No one seemed to understand how annoying they were being, and I felt myself starting to get more and more frustrated. To add to the frustration, Milo has been MIA since I woke up. I can feel him, I know he’s there, but he has yet to speak to me. I don’t know why.

“Let’s go back, I’m tired,” I told Stella.

“Okay,” was all she said.

I hugged my mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning back to the portal Stella opened up. Walking through the portal first, I noticed we were in Stella’s room back in her coven.

I don’t know why she brought me here, but I didn’t ask. Something was bothering her, I could tell. But I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to hear her say that I’m what's bothering her. That my disappearance this morning is the reason she looks at me the way she does. So instead, I ignored her.

I knew I was probably hurting her by doing so, but I would hurt her more if I spoke up. The truth is, I didn’t feel comfortable around her anymore. I felt like a burden. I was weak and when it mattered the most, I almost died.

It was true that I still loved her. I don’t think I could possibly love anyone the way that I loved Stella, but she needs someone better than me. Someone who can protect her, love her, and not worry her. Someone who was meant for her.

“Can we talk?” she asked, sitting on the bed next to me.

“I know what you’re going to say. I just need some rest,” I told her.

“Fine, don’t talk. But listen to me,” she pleaded.

“Stell-”

“Jordan,” she said firmly. She rarely called me by my name since we started dating. Normally, she called me by one of the many nicknames she gave me, unless she really needed to get something across to me.

“Alright,” I said as I sat up and listened to her.

“When you were fighting Markus and Darius, I felt it when you got hurt. When I got there, Marcy was doing her best to save you, but you looked like you were already dead,” she could barely get the last part out.

“When I saw you, my worst nightmare came true. My heart felt like it was being torn to shreds and there was nothing I could do. And then, right after that, I had to retrieve James,” her voice broke and there was no stopping the tears that flowed from her eyes.

“I couldn’t heal you both, and I couldn’t choose who to save,” she sobbed. “But then, Celeste appeared and took James with her. And I focused all of my energy towards you. Every day, I stayed by your side, doing my best to heal you. When everyone told me to give up, I refused. And even now, I refuse. I will never give up on you.”

“I have no idea what’s going on in your mind. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. But please, don’t block me out.”

I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, but I knew she wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty. Stella wasn’t vulnerable to anyone. Ever. And to hear her tell me this, I realized now more than ever how much she cared for me. Still, being with me right now would only make things harder for her. But how could I tell her that? It was an impossible task.

I loved her with every fiber of my being. I have loved her since the day I met her. But was my love enough?

“Stell,”

“I’m sorry I left this morning. My mother summoned me and I didn’t have time to leave you a note. I don’t want you to feel like I’m coddling you and I don’t want to be overbearing. So I’ll wait until you’re ready. Just don’t keep me waiting forever.”

I didn’t have much of a chance to say anything to her. I could tell she was hurt and that she was afraid of my response. As soon as she was done talking, she portalled me back to our room in the forbidden woods.

I know I let her down with the way I was acting today, but I just needed space. I know I shouldn’t behave like this, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like a f**k up in everything I did. I failed to protect the people I cared most about. As cocky as I was, I had nothing to show for it.

I’ve seen death before. I’ve killed before. But none of that prepared me properly to take on the former kings. I wasn’t strong enough. I don’t know why Gaia picked me. I am nothing but a lowly omega. No, I'm a rogue pretending to be an omega. Deep down, I’ll always be a rogue.

A knock came on the door, but I ignored it. Seconds later, the door opened and Marcy was standing there with two trays of food. One in her hand, the other floating next to her.

“I see you put your telekinesis to good use,” I said as she walked in and closed the door behind her.

“Why didn’t you say anything when I knocked?” She asked as she handed a tray of food to me.

“I just needed to be alone,” I told her honestly.

“Don’t throw yourself a pity party. It won’t help…. I would know,” she took a bite of the lasagna on her plate and motioned for me to do the same.

“I just don’t want to talk to anyone. I need some time to get myself together.” I said as I messed with the food on the tray.

“Look, I know you don’t need a babysitter, and you’ll deal with things your own way. But I’m not going anywhere. We don’t have to talk, but I’m not leaving until I’m done with dinner.”

Marcy was stubborn, and I knew she would take her time eating. From the looks of it, she didn’t want to eat and was forcing herself. I nodded and we both sat there silently. A few minutes later, I heard her soft sobs as she pretended to eat her dinner.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I know I was being a hypocrite, but I was her guardian. I needed to be there for her.

“You know how you came to my room this morning. You didn’t want to talk, you just didn’t want to be alone? It’s the same for me.”

“I’m here if you need someone to talk to. You know that, right?” I asked her.

“Ditto. I’ll talk if you talk. Or we can be alone together.”

She wiped her tears and then laid down on the bed, abandoning her barely touched food. I wasn’t sure if she had any plans on going back to her room or not, but I knew she didn’t want to be alone. She made that much clear. I didn’t mind her company though. She seemed to be in the same mindset as me. Although it hurt knowing that, I also selfishly found comfort in it.

It didn’t take long until I heard her breathing even out, and I knew she was asleep. I guess she’s staying the night. I went to the closet and grabbed some blankets before making myself comfortable on the couch. I didn’t know when or if I was going to see Stella again, but I hope when I do, we'll both be in a better place.