Mayhem in Melbourne

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bruno’s applications, even the unsuccessful ones on his property are carefully filed away. Normally I would shred the unsuccessful ones after a few days. We do not want people’s personal details floating around the office. But not Bruno’s. He is likely to ring up and ask about someone he turned down weeks ago or even how many people went through on a certain date. I have no idea why he wants this information and I can’t see how it can be of any use to him. I wonder if it is just to catch us out. I file his running sheets too.

The running sheets are my bible on Monday. Prospective tenants must have been through the property before I consider their application. If their name is not on the running sheet I put the application aside to follow up later. If you are someone who refuses to give your name at the open for inspection, beware. Your application does not take priority. We need proof that you visited the property. I also check for any comments, good or bad, that are beside the names.

Good comments go a bit like this: ‘Lovely to deal with.’ ‘Liked them.’ ‘She’s really keen.’ ‘They have a dog.’ ‘Nice.’

Positive comments are the most usual ones, but there are the negative ones. I have seen ‘No! No! No!’ and ‘No Fucken Way!!!’ written on a running sheet.

Why would anyone go to an open and behave so badly they get ‘No fucken way’ written beside their name? It’s beyond me. Often the property manager conducting the open will also manage the property. Are they likely to put someone in who they think will make their job harder? If you have ‘No fucken way’ against your name you are not going to be accepted as a tenant. No one is going to want to deal with you.

Then there are the time wasters. A year or so ago I showed a couple through a property that belongs to Bruno’s daughter. It has an aubergine coloured feature wall. Aubergine painted on by the fair hands of Bruno’s daughter. It is not a large wall, so not a lot of aubergine, but definitely aubergine. It helps divide the half-formed dining alcove from the kitchen.

The couple looked through every cupboard and robe, they flushed the toilet, turned on all the taps to check water pressure and asked about the neighbours (not that I knew anything about them). They stood on the balcony and gazed at the unit’s car park – a space along the drive below – and discussed its location and convenience to the entry door. It was opposite. They asked if the landlord would consider a lower offer for the rent. The answer to that was ‘no’. They took applications. When they were leaving she turned to me and said, ‘The landlord will have to paint out that dreadful colour if we take it. We couldn’t live with that!’

I have no idea what Bruno thinks of the colour but his daughter is very pleased with it. She thinks it gives style to this very ordinary two-bedroom apartment.

How can it possibly matter how the toilet flushes to these people, when they cannot live with the colour on the feature wall? Wouldn’t their first utterance be, ‘Oh my god, I can’t stand that colour! I couldn’t live with that. Will the landlord get rid of it?’

With the answer, ‘No, she likes it,’ we could all leave and get on with our day. Actually, the colour shows on the internet advertising, but I guess you have to see it to get the full effect.

Bruno is allowed to do the maintenance on this property but his daughter selects the tenants. A wise move on her part and I wondered at the time how she kept him from meddling in her decision.

Shortly after the ‘I-couldn’t-live-with-it-inspection’ we found tenants who paid the asking rent, and never once mentioned the feature wall. I have no idea if they liked it, hated it, were colour blind or just did not care. I was careful not to ask their opinion. Lauren manages it, and now I am thinking about it I wonder if they have discussed the colour in the negative with Bruno. I am sure he would complain to Lauren. He is very proud of his daughter, who is overseas, and her taste in home decoration. Not so pleased that he has given her free rein in his Princess Street property. That is very bland.

An email from Lauren pops onto my screen. It is addressed to everyone.

Has anyone seen an application from Trevor Walker for 10/22 Railway Avenue? He said he dropped it off on Saturday.

There, what did I tell you? However annoying it can be for a property manager, tenants should follow up on their application. I wonder how Trevor’s application travelled from reception. There are a number of routes and many hazards along the way.

I’m tempted to ask Lauren if she would like me to look through the stuff on her desk for it. But it is probably tactful to wait a while and see what happens.

Instead of ringing Lauren I ring the people who went through Sausage-Man’s place on Saturday. Neither of them answers their phone and I leave a message asking them to ring back if they are interested in the property or have questions about it. Then I email my lack of results to Sausage Man.

My screen pings and there is another email from Lauren.

You can stop looking for Trevor Walker’s application – I know that’s what you’re all doing. I’ve found it!!

As she doesn’t say where she found it, I deduce that it was on her desk the whole time. It is nice to be right sometimes.

Now that I’ve got Bruno sorted out I move onto other applications. Monday is all about applications.

I have a good application on a property in Barkly Street that I had trouble with last week. The tenants who applied last week added extra stress to my Monday by making an offer on the rent.

At Caruthers the rent is what’s advertised. Sometimes if the property has been on the market for some time, we may be able to persuade the landlord to take a slightly lower offer, but we advertise the rent the landlord has agreed on.

If the property is advertised for $650 per week, as the Barkly Street property is, the landlord is not expecting to receive $620, which is what this prospective tenant offered.

She explained to me, ‘When we saw the property we discovered it was smaller than we thought it would be.’ She enlarged on that, ‘Therefore, being smaller it should command less rent.’

‘Smaller than what?’ I asked.

‘Smaller than we thought it would be. It’s not as big.’

‘Not as big as what?’ I couldn’t resist. It was such a ridiculous thought process.

‘Well, we thought it would be bigger. If it was bigger we would pay more.’ Of course this sort of conversation goes nowhere and it’s not one that is wise to pass on to the landlord.

I said, ‘The landlord is not going to be interested in your offer. If you want the property, you’ll have to pay the full rent.’

‘I’ll talk to my boyfriend and I’ll see what he says. But he thinks $620 is what it’s worth.’

‘Right, do that! Come back to me if you’re happy to go ahead at the advertised rent.’

Her boyfriend wrote the following email:

We are writing to say that we like your property but we think it is too expensive. We have been looking at properties in the area for some weeks. We have got a very good idea of what rents should be. We are making an offer on the rent. We think it is only worth $620 in today’s market.

You’ll find us very good tenants. We have excellent references and we will look after the property as if it was our own. Please call any of our references. They will be expecting a call.

Please pass this email onto the landlord.

We look forward to hearing from you.

As I was asked to pass it on to the landlord, I forwarded it to Barbara.

She was on the phone immediately.

‘I’m offended. This is an immaculate apartment with two great bathrooms and two off-street car parks. Do they think I don’t know what it’s worth?’

‘I thought I should forward their offer to you, as they asked me to.’

‘You should be offended too, because they’re telling you that you don’t know your job…you don’t know what a property is worth. How dare they?’

As a property manager I have a thick skin that I’ve developed over time. I can’t afford to be offended so easily.

Barbara is a great landlord and very good to her tenants. She gave her previous ones a Christmas hamper. They moved out a couple of months later. Funny they did not want to stay for another hamper. It was a good hamper.

I emailed the new applicants with her refusal and left it at that.

They came back two days later with a higher offer – almost the full rent. Barbara had taken such offence; she didn’t want to discuss it. It was all over for them.

I’m sure this couple felt in command of the situation when they decided to put in the offer. I can see them sitting round a computer starting to fill in the online application.

‘What do you think? We’ll go for it. Right?’ says Gung-Ho who later writes the email that loses him any chance of the place.

‘Well! It is a bit small. We wanted something bigger,’ replies his partner.

Gung-Ho looks for other problems. ‘The carpet in the bedrooms has had a bit of wear but I could live with that. And you won’t notice when the furniture’s in there.’

‘No, you won’t but did you see that stain on the carpet in the robe?’

‘Yes, I wonder what caused that. It didn’t look too good.’

‘Our shoes will cover that, so it’ll be all right.’

Gung-Ho goes on, ‘The light fittings are the ones that insects die in. You know the ones. The cover clips on.’

‘It’s hard to get it off to replace the globes. Mum had some like that but she changed them for those hanging ones.’

‘They’re not that bad. I could change the globes. That’s not a big deal. Let’s make an offer.’

Gung-Ho’s partner is a little doubtful. ‘Do you think we should? I really like it. I don’t want to miss out.’

‘We’ll make an offer. They can always come back with another offer and we can negotiate. Let’s knock it back by, say $30 and see what happens.’ Gung-Ho turns back to the computer.

‘No. No, that’s too much! We don’t want to miss out. It’s the best we’ve seen.’

Is this person less greedy or is Gung-Ho one of those people who have an almost pathological desire for a bargain?

‘Trust me. We’re good tenants. We’ve got good rental references. They’ll want us.’

They send off their applications with Gung-Ho feeling pleased with himself. It doesn’t occur to either of them that if they like it, there are sure to be others that do too; other people who won’t make an offer. It doesn’t occur to him that working in the industry, we have some idea of the market and what people are prepared to pay. Gung-Ho is in for a surprise and a letdown.

I’m glad the next applications on Barkly Street check out well. The owner deserves better than Gung-Ho and his partner.

This week’s applications are from a couple in their mid-twenties who are moving in together. That can be tricky. They have to sort out the irritations of day-to-day living for the first time. Some couples can’t do this and we hear about it when they break their lease.

These tenants have not made an offer on the rent. They work in different areas of the city so the two car parks will make their lives easier. There is street parking but to have secured off-street parking for two cars is always a bonus in this city. Barbara approves them and I ring and confirm it with them. They are happy and I send them off our confirmation letter that tells them how to pay the first month’s rent and the bond to secure the property. I arrange to have it marked ‘under application’ on the internet. So far it’s been a good morning. One property leased and Bruno’s under offer.

I have not given another thought to Gung-Ho and his partner, although I see by the running sheet that they had another look on Saturday. For their sake, I hope they found it even smaller than they remembered from their first viewing.