The Swiss Escape

Fathers

It’s been six months since I found the note from Johnny. The police have not found anything, he doesn’t appear to be in the country, so I have started to relax. I think Alex has too. He doesn’t feel the need to check on me as much.

Kayla has completely adjusted to Zurich. I was able to find a dance studio and enrolled her in classes again. Since it’s around Christmas, they are going to have a Christmas recital. Kayla is going to be one of the fairies, and it’s all she talks about lately.

Mittens is now very protective of us. If we are out on walks and she feels someone is too close to Kayla, she will try to herd Kayla away or put her body between Kayla and the other person. Zurich is very different than America when it comes to animals. It’s common for a dog to go anywhere with its owner, even into restaurants. Mittens also loves going to the park and chasing Kayla. It’s their game they play often.

Alex’s parents found that Fritz and Lana tried to scam them with the letter and kicked them out of their house. I am not sure where Alex stands with them, but his mother sends me a text once a month, asking how everyone is doing. She even sent gifts for Kayla after they took a trip to France. Alex jokingly calls me their favorite child. It makes me laugh but also hurts in away. Lately, I have missed my parents more and more. Sometimes I wonder if they were still alive, would have married Johnny. That thought never lasts too long. I wouldn’t have Kayla or Alex without my marriage to John.

Today we do our usual Saturday routine since school is out for the holidays. Kayla, Mittens, and I walk to the park while Alex is at the gym. Sometimes I go with him since the facility offers childcare, but I get enough exercise chasing Kayla all day.

Tonight, we plan on going to the market. This year will be more fun than last. Kayla will have more fun making a candle and seeing Santa, though I still don’t like Schmutzli. Two older gentlemen in our neighborhood dressed up as Santa and Schmutzli. They went door to door, giving kids chocolates and mixed nuts. Having people, you don’t know dress up and come to your home was odd to me. At first, I was a little afraid of these two men that I have never met before are in my house talking to my daughter. Alex then explained that on the 6th of December, Santa and Schmutzli come by your home, and if you’re good, they give you candy. If you’re bad, Schmutzli threatens to take you. I watch them go door to door and talk to the kids. I later found out the two gentlemen are grandfathers that started the tradition when their grandchildren were little. One of the gentlemen lives down the street, and the other lives a block over.

Kayla and Mittens play at the park for two hours before I decide it’s time to head home. Zurich is a different cold than Portland, but it’s still cold. As we walk back to the house, Kayla asks, “Mommy, is Alex, my dad?”

Her question shocks me. Kayla hasn’t mentioned her father since we left. It hasn’t accord to me that she might think Alex is her father. How do I handle this? No, your real dad hit me, so we ran away. That doesn’t sound good. No, he isn’t your father, but he loves you like a daughter. That doesn’t sound right, either. I don’t want to lie to Kayla. I think the only lies I have told her are about Santa and the Easter Bunny. But I don’t know what to do in this situation. I look down at Kayla. She and Alex have a great relationship; he treats her like his child. Alex enjoys telling her bedtime stories with me. He entertains her while I cook dinner and has sat through more than his fair share of tea parties. But he wasn’t the one who helped me make her.

Taking a deep breath, I decide to tell Kayla some of the truth, “Alex loves you very much and does things with you most fathers do. By blood, you are not his, but you are his daughter in his heart.” To my relief, Kayla accepts this and doesn’t ask who her real dad is.

When we make it back to the house, Alex is home and fixing lunch for everyone. “How was the park?” He asks Kayla while she tries to get her snow boots off.

“It was fun. Mommy threw snow at me.”

Alex lets out a light laugh, “did you throw snow back?”

Kayla shakes her head. “I threw snow first.”

Alex and I are both laughing. Alex asks Kayla. “Did you and mommy have a snowball fight?”

“Yeah, Mittens tried to catch them,” Kayla replies.

Alex gives me an amused look. “Was she successful?”

Kayla gives Alex an odd look. “Alex, snow melts and becomes water when you put it into your mouth. When Mittens tried to catch the snow, it melted. She couldn’t catch it like a normal ball.”

Alex smiles at her, “I understand now. Thank you for explaining it to me.”

Kayla very casually goes, “you’re welcome” and heads to her room to get toys.

Alex puts his arms around my waist and gives me a light kiss, “I was about to call you. Lunch is almost ready.”

“It smells delicious.” I put a hand on his cheek. Alex is a fantastic partner. I didn’t realize how tired I was with doing everything on my own. Maybe because he lived on his own so long, he’s more proactive.

After lunch, I put Kayla down for a nap. During nap time, Mittens sleeps by her bed. I walk out to see Alex working on his computer. Coming up behind him, I bend down and run my hands down his shoulders. “Schatzi, you make it very hard to work when you’re touching me.”

I move my hands away. “Sorry, I know you’re busy. When you get a chance, I would like to talk to you about something.”

“I can take a break.” I walk to the couch and sit down. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is fine. Today walking home from the park, Kayla asked me if you were her dad.”

I watch the emotions on Alex’s face. He seems both happy and concerned. “What did you tell her?”

Letting out a sigh, “I didn’t know what to say. I told Kayla that you aren’t her father by blood. But in your heart, she’s your daughter.”

Alex’s face is stoic. “What did she say?”

“Nothing, I think it confused her. I didn’t know what you would be comfortable with me saying.”

He looks at me, surprised. “You and Kayla mean a great deal to me. I know technically she’s not my daughter, but sometimes in my head, she is. I don’t want to replace her father. I don’t want her to resent me later.”

I look at his face; he almost seems hurt. “Why would Kayla resent you?”

Alex shrugs a little. “She might feel we lied to her or that she doesn’t belong here. I never want Kayla to feel unwanted or that I took a role that I shouldn’t have.”

“What if she wants you in that role?” I ask with caution.

A smile spreads over Alex’s face, “I don’t know. I want to be. But I don’t want to push her.”

“I think John has given up trying to find me. He will never be a part of her life unless she looks for him after she’s eighteen.” I don’t know what I want. Kayla and Alex get along well. When the other kids at school talk about their dads, she talks about Alex.

“I won’t push for anything. If Kayla chooses to think of me as her father, then that is her choice.”