The Swiss Escape

Feelings

Alex placed his hand on my leg. My body seemed to come alive when he did. It’s been so long since I have enjoyed someone touching me. I found myself wanting more. Should I ask about the kiss? Before I could, he moved his hand. “We should probably start the lesson before we drink too much wine.” Alex smiled at me; he was making a joking.

After our lesson, we started talking. “Do you have any hobbies? What do you do outside of work, being a mom, and cleaning?”

I let out a laugh. Alex was referencing the day he arrived at my house and found me in my cleaning clothes; a pair of cut-off shorts and an old faded bleach shirt. “I don’t do anything else. I know how to sew, but I don’t enjoy it. I only sew when someone needs me to fix something. I guess I’m pretty boring.”

“You are anything but boring,” Alex said with a smile.

“What do you do?” I asked as I continued to sip my wine.

“I used to ski and hike the mountains a lot. I haven’t done that in a few years.”

“Why?”

Alex let out a sigh. “I typically went with my ex. We were together for three years. I thought we would get married, but she found someone else.” Alex took a sip of wine. “Last night was the first time I went to the Christmas market in the last five years.”

“I’m sorry. And I ignored you while we were there.”

“You didn’t ignore me. I had an amazing time. Probably the best time I had there. Watching you and Kayla take in everything brought me a lot of joy. And when you got scared of Schmutzli, that made me laugh.” Alex was grinning at me.

“I wasn’t scared; his existences just gave me a creepy feeling.” I smiled back at Alex. I took another sip of wine, hoping it would give me the courage to ask about the kiss later. “Was she your one that got away?”

Alex gave me an odd look. “I don’t think so, especially now.” I couldn’t help but blush when Alex looks at me. “What about you? Do you miss your ex-husband?”

Taking a deep breath, I think about his questions. “I miss the man I thought he was. Looking back, I see all the warning signs. I just don’t know why I never paid attention to them.”

“What do you mean?” Alex looked at me, curiously.

“When we first got married, there were designated chores. I cooked, Johnny did the dishes. I do the laundry, sweep, and vacuum. He would dust, mop, and mow. I planted flowers and took care of them; he trimmed the bushes. I went back to school, and he started working more hours. The housework was too much for him with the hours he worked, so we agreed that he would just do the lawn. That arrangement lasted less than a couple of months. Finally, we hired someone to mow, and I did everything else. When I got pregnant, I found out he was cheating. I should have left then, but I wanted to work through it. Johnny asked for counseling. We went, and everything seemed to be fine. But he was coming home less and less. Then he started insulting me more. Johnny would tell me I needed to clean better, cook different meals, and I needed to parent Kayla better. He was under stress, so I ignored it. Then his girlfriend showed up at the house. She demanded to know why I haven’t given him a divorce yet.” I took a moment to regain my thoughts. “Johnny become hostile to me after that. He would insult how I looked, what I did with my time, my friend Jen, and even would tell me that I was so bad at physical affection he had to cheat. One day Johnny grabbed me by my hair. It was the first time he was ever violent. I threatened to leave, and it was like another person was standing in front of me.” I shook my head at the memory. “The second time, he slapped me. Johnny was complaining about my friend sleeping around, and I pointed out it was no different than what he was doing.”

Alex watched me the entire time as he spoke. “The woman I dated, I met her in undergrad. Her name was Lana. When we first met, there was something about her I didn’t like. She was dating someone but kept pursuing me. Probably should have been a sign.” Alex paused for a moment. “Lana got to me, after a couple of months of dating, we moved in together. In the first few months, everything was great. I was working and getting my masters; she was finishing her undergrad degree. Then one day, she told me she wasn’t happy. I asked her what she needed; her response was more time. So, I sacrificed sleep. I worked at the university; I stayed an extra hour instead of three to study. I came home, helped her cook, ate with her, cleaned up with her, sat with her until she went to bed. Then I would finish studying. On the weekends, we would go skiing or hike. Everything was fine until my brother came to visit for a week. After he left, she began to act differently. They met a few times prior and got along well. I had complete trust in her. My brother came back a couple of months later. Everything seemed fine until I came home the day before he was to leave. They were sitting on the couch holding hands. My brother and Lana asked to talk with me. They were secretly dating for three months. Lana told me she was leaving with him, so she packed up her things and left.” Alex took a large sip of wine. “Two months later, she calls to tell me she’s pregnant. With her conception date, I am the father. Now, my brother has no job and lives with my parents. They had no way to support a child without assistance, so they asked me for money. She said it was likely my baby, so I sent money. Every month I would get an update and a request for money so she could get something for the baby. I would send her whatever she needed. At that time, I was still in love with her. When it was around the time, she gave birth, I took some time off and went to see her. The baby was born, and a DNA showed my brother was the father, not me. So, I bought everything for a baby they created while she was still with me. That was the last time I saw my brother, her, or my parents. They sent me an invitation to their wedding only two months after she gave birth.”

“That’s terrible. Did your parents know?” I asked with curiosity.

“They told them the baby wasn’t mine, and my sending money was to try and win Lana back.”

“And they didn’t bother to ask you?”

Alex shook his head. “I was never close to them. The moment I had an opportunity to leave home, I took it. When I started university, and they moved away, I might hear from them once a month. It’s been ten years since they lived in Switzerland, and they have only come to see me once.”

“Did they ever try to make amends after everything?”

“Yes and no, they called once begging me to come to my brother’s wedding. It would make the family look bad if I wasn’t there. I told them it was too soon, and they could just tell everyone I am sick and don’t want to get their newborn sick. They called me selfish; I called them lousy parents. We all started yelling. I hung up the phone and have not heard from them since.” Alex didn’t seem upset about losing his family.

“Sounds like you are better without them.” He nodded slowly. “My mother was the youngest of five children. The oldest and my mother were fifteen years apart, the one closest in age was seven. So, she was never close to her siblings. When my parents died, I went to live with my grandparents in Maryland. Two years later, they convinced my dad’s parents to take me, so I moved to Texas. I only lived there for a year before going back to Maryland. Six months later, my eldest Aunt took me. She lived in Ohio; I lived with her for a year and helped take care of her mother in law, who I called Granny. After Granny died, I went to live with my uncle and his wife. They had four kids and didn’t want me. Comments were said to me about my presence. I begged my grandparents to let me come back, but instead, I went to live with another uncle in Maine. He worked out of town a lot, so I went to my last aunt in Washington. That’s where I met Jen. By the time I moved in with my aunt, I was thirteen. She and I didn’t interact much. One day she found out her job was transferring her. Nobody wanted to take me, so I went into foster care. I was in less than a month before Jen’s parents adopted me.”

“How old were you when your parents died?”

“Seven. My parents, through me a surprise party, and I had my first sleepover. Two weeks later, they were gone.”

Alex looked at me, cautiously before he asked, “How did they die?”

I took a deep breath, “They went to the beach, my mom got caught in the current. My dad tried to go after her. They didn’t come home that night. When I woke up the next morning, they weren’t home. I walked into the living room, and the sitter was sitting on the couch. She was crying. When I came into the room, she told me something terrible happened. I didn’t understand.”

“Do you remember them?”

“Somethings. I remember my mom reading me bedtime stories. I remember my dad making cereal on Saturday mornings and us watching cartoons before my mom woke up. I remember running in my backyard and them chasing me. They were good parents; I always felt loved and wanted.”

“That must be why you’re such a good mom to Kayla. She’s lucky to have a mother that puts her first.” Alex paused for a moment. “Anyone who you allow into your life would be lucky.”

“Even if they don’t come first.”

“As long as it’s second and your children are first. then it isn’t a problem.” Alex gazes at me. He looks to my lips then back to my eyes. Alex slowly leans in and whispers, “would it be okay if I kiss you again?”

“I’m not a very good kisser. Johnny often told me that.” it was hard for me to swallow. I wanted Alex to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. But if he doesn’t like it, then what happens?