A life unscripted

Chapter 3

It had already been two years since the incident that nearly took my life. Ever since then, my world had felt slow and fragile, as though it were quietly crumbling before my eyes. I often found myself replaying everything I had gone through, reliving the years I had spent surviving on my own, trapped inside an isolated world of my own making.

Sometimes, I wondered if taking my own life wasn't a sin, would I have disappeared long ago? Would anyone have noticed my absence, or would the world have simply continued as though I had never existed?

Summer break was over, and it was time to start middle school. But this time, something felt different.

I no longer believed I could do better than I had the previous term. I used to be a good student, one of the best. Now, I was barely average, my mind constantly clouded by memories I couldn't seem to escape.

I was transferring to a new school, and I had to handle everything on my own, from beginning to end. After all, who truly cared whether I attended school or not?

Still, I kept trying.

I held on to the small hope that, somehow, I could become someone my mother would be proud of, wherever she might be.

As I walked through the school gates, a heavy feeling settled over me. I felt invisible, as though I didn't truly exist. The walls around me seemed to close in with every step I took, tightening around me until I could barely breathe.

Everyone else seemed to belong.

They laughed, talked, and moved through the school as though they had a place in this world. Meanwhile, I clutched my backpack tightly against myself, trying to make myself as small and unnoticed as possible.

The bright classrooms and noisy hallways overwhelmed me. A dull ache of loneliness settled deep inside my chest, refusing to disappear. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, I couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't belong here.

Roosevelt Middle School.

That was the name of my new school, one of the most well known middle schools in New York.

As I wandered aimlessly through the hallway, I noticed a girl who looked about my age. For a brief moment, I wondered if we would end up in the same class.

As I walked past her, I overheard two girls talking about being in sixth grade. I considered asking them for directions, but I wasn't ready to speak to anyone yet.

So, I kept walking.

Suddenly, an elderly voice echoed through the school's speakers.

"Everyone should assemble in the corridor."

It was the head teacher.

I watched as students began moving in the same direction before reluctantly following behind them. Within minutes, the corridor was filled with students. The noise of their voices bounced off the walls, creating a restless atmosphere.

Welcome speeches were given, and the new students were acknowledged.

Eventually, we were dismissed and told to head to our respective classes.

That's when I froze.

I had absolutely no idea where I was supposed to go.

Then, I spotted the two girls I'd overheard earlier.

They walked into a classroom, and without giving myself time to think, I followed them.

We entered late.

The moment we stepped inside, the P.E. teacher turned his stern gaze toward us.

"Lateness will not be tolerated in my class," he said firmly. "I'll allow it this once."

I lowered my gaze and quietly made my way toward an empty desk.

One of the girls sat beside me.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Chloe."

I looked at her and gave a small nod.

After P.E. class ended, she turned to me again.

"What's your name?" she asked softly. Then, after a brief pause, she added, "Can we be friends?"

I hesitated.

I didn't know what friendship was supposed to feel like. I didn't know how to have a friend or what I was supposed to say.

All I had ever known were insults, loneliness, and bullying.

Still, I nodded.

"Sure."

A few hours later, it was time for lunch.

I made my way to the cafeteria, but I didn't get anything to eat. Instead, I found a quiet place to sit and pulled out my small diary.

Writing had always been easier than talking.

I was halfway through writing about my first day when Chloe approached me with her tray.

"Why didn't you get anything to eat?" she asked.

"I'm not hungry," I replied flatly.

Another girl joined her and looked at me curiously.

"Who is she?"

"She's a friend," Chloe answered simply.

The two girls continued talking, their laughter filling the space between them.

I sat quietly, listening.

For some reason, I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

A few seconds later, I stood up and left without saying a word.

I didn't like being around people.

I preferred my own company.

Silence felt safer.

When lunch ended, I returned to my desk and continued writing in my diary.

Dear Diary,

It's been so long since I've felt like myself. I left my old school to escape what felt like hell, and now I'm here at Roosevelt Middle School, hoping to become someone my mum would be proud of.

It's just me now, my studies, and my isolated world from now on...

A sudden announcement interrupted my thoughts.

The head teacher's voice echoed through the speakers once again, announcing that the school would be organizing a welcome soirée. Everyone was encouraged to attend and dress in their best attire.

The date hadn't even been announced yet, but I was already anxious.

What would I wear?

How would I compare to everyone else?

The questions began racing through my mind.

As I sat there lost in thought, Chloe's friend, Jasmine, leaned against my desk.

"Are you going to the soirée?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," I replied quietly.

Her eyes drifted toward my diary.

"Is that something personal?"

I quickly pulled it closer to myself.

My voice faltered.

"It's... nothing."

Eventually, classes came to an end.

The final bell rang, signaling that it was time to go home. I packed my bag and headed toward the school exit without changing direction.

As I reached the school gate, I bumped into Chloe.

"Hey," she said. "Where do you live?"

I looked at her.

"Why?"

"I was just wondering if we're heading in the same direction."

"Oh." I adjusted the strap of my backpack. "I live about twenty five to thirty five minutes away, in Uniondale."

Chloe's face lit up slightly.

"Really? I live close to the hamlet too. Do you want to walk together?"

"Sure," I replied warmly.

We began walking side by side.

Almost immediately, Chloe started talking about the welcome soirée. She asked if I was planning to attend.

I remained silent for a brief moment, unsure of how to answer.

"I'm not sure," I finally said. "I have a lot going on."

Chloe didn't press me for an explanation.

Instead, she simply continued talking and somehow, I found myself listening.

We talked the entire way, so absorbed in our conversation that neither of us noticed how quickly the time had passed. Before we knew it, we had already reached our destination.

We were heading in the same direction, yet eventually, our paths separated.

We stopped and exchanged a quiet goodbye, promising to talk again and meet each other the next day at school.

As I watched Chloe walk away, I stood there for a moment.

Then, I turned toward my own path and continued home.

For the first time in a long while, the walk home didn't feel quite as lonely.