I Can’t Love You

Six

*Andrews POV*

Being so close to Liv felt so perfect, so right. I don’t understand why I was so weird towards her before. I mean, every time she cuddled up to me, my heart felt whole. Like all my anger was just gone. I wanted to kiss her so badly. When finally opened her eyes and looked up at me, I couldn’t resist her anymore. She was lying next to me and she lifted her head off my chest to look at me. I pulled her legs overtop of mine to get her closer to me and I leaned down to kiss her. It was an instinct, like I needed to kiss her. Our lips touched, she was right there in my arms with her lips on mine then the worst thing happened. I heard Oliver open the front door. Out of fear, I pulled myself away from Liv and sat at the edge of the bed. I wasn’t scared of Oliver, I was scared that he’d go off on Liv. I couldn’t look her in the eyes when I pulled away but when Oliver walked into the room and asked her if she was okay, I had to. The look in her eyes was like someone was ripping my heart out slowly. She nodded at him. “Yeah, just in pain.” I knew she wasn’t talking about the migraine and I hated myself.

Oliver and I left Liv to rest. The further I got from her, the more it hurt. God I wish I could get her out of my head. Oliver and I hung out in his room because he didn’t want to leave Liv. We sat on his bed. “How was Liv when I left?” Her name was like a gut punch. “She was okay. I mean obviously the migraine hurt her.” Oliver sighed. “Yeah, she’s had them since we were kids.” All I ever knew about her migraines was that it hurt. “Why does she have them?” He took a deep breath. “It started when she was four, I think. Dad was just starting to drink. He would come home wasted and argue with mom over every little thing. The night it all started, dad came home drunk and yelled at mom for not having dinner ready for him even though it was almost 10 at night. He started yelling at her and I was only five. Mom told me to go get Liv and go to my room but I didn’t. I stood there while dad yelled at her. They were yelling so loud, I guess it woke Liv up because she came into the dining room and saw them in the kitchen. I was right at the edge of both rooms when dad hit mom. I immediately went running to mom but Liv stood there crying. I stood in between mom and dad. Liv was crying so loud.” Oliver started to cry. I’d never seen my best friend cry in all the years I’d known him. “I just stood there. My mom was on the ground crying, my little sister was watching and crying, and my dad was still yelling. Before I knew what was happening, Liv was holding her head still crying and she fell on the floor. Mom got up and she and I took Liv to the hospital. She’s had them ever since.”

I put my hand on Oliver's shoulder. “I should’ve gone to Liv when mom told me to. If I had, maybe she wouldn’t have had them in the first place.” I hated seeing him like this. “Ollie, you were a kid. You should’ve never been put in that situation. You did all you could, what happened with your dad was not your fault.” He took a deep breath. “Thanks.” He wiped his tears away. Oliver and I sat there for a while before he decided to play his video game. I sat back and just let my mind wander while he was playing. I met Oliver when we were in first grade. We ate lunch together one day and we’ve been friends ever since. Every time I came to his house, his whole family was nice to me. I never would’ve guessed his dad was such a prick. Now that I think back, Oliver didn’t even cry when his dad left. He showed no emotion towards his father, the only time I’d ever seen him anything other than neutral was whenever he was worried about his sister. After what he told me, I finally understood why he was so protective of her. I never knew how Oliver's father really was. I didn’t know him very well. I only saw him when he’d take us to our games or practice or something. I never would’ve guessed he treated his family like s**t. All I could think about was how he treated Liv.

I clenched my jaw thinking about him laying his hands on her. A thought flashed through my mind. Her dad was so violent that she’s kept herself locked away from the world. She’s scared of the dark, she hates any kind of yelling, she will lock herself away in a dream world with her books so she doesn’t have to face the real world. I closed my eyes for a second hoping I wouldn’t think it but I did. Liv doesn’t need another violent person in her life, I have to stay away. She’s had enough violence in her life and that’s all I am. I have so much anger in me, I can’t control it. Yeah racing cars and playing football helps but it doesn’t get rid of it. I have so much anger in me and I don’t know why. I mean, my dad was an awful son of a b***h, more angry than anyone on this planet, but he never laid hands on me or my mom. He chose to hurt us in other ways. Cheating on my mom, screaming at me for everything I did, losing job after job leaving mom to pay all the bills. Yeah he hurt us emotionally but never physically. I guess he’s where I got all my anger from. Liv doesn’t need anymore violence in her life so I can’t be in her life. I have to let her live her life without me in it, no matter how much it hurts me. I left Oliver's house soon after I came to that conclusion.