Bad Idea

Chapter 3: Feels Right

Chapter 3: Feels Right

Who’s the boring coward now?

Skipping class with Daisy Mejia might not have been the sexy solution Benton had in mind to the problem of Riva’s boring, video-game playing existence, but it was way more up her alley than propositioning Emmy Barnes had been. And she did feel brave and exciting following Daisy to the parking lot.

Daisy didn’t walk. She strode. Her long, dark calves rippled with muscles as she moved, and Riva found herself picking up that strong, confident swing as she imitated it. She wasn’t sure how just following Daisy could make her feel so awesome, but she didn’t want to question anything good right now. She could use whatever nice things she could get. Her social life at school was basically over, and, despite having made that sacrifice, Benton would still be disappointed in her.

Cursing under her breath, Daisy stopped walking. Riva didn’t react in time and bumped into her, her nose pressing into Daisy’s thick, curly hair. Daisy went suddenly stiff and quiet, full of a sort of tension Riva didn’t understand. She took a step back, feeling uncertain.

“What’s the matter?”

“The deans have already blocked the parking lot. There are a bunch of them between here and the entrance.”

That was disappointing. It looked like Riva’s exciting adventure was over before it had begun. “I guess I held us up too long in the bathroom,” she said. “I’m really sorry. I should have decided faster. I just…I’ve never done anything like…”

Daisy shot a look over her shoulder, one perfectly plucked eyebrow lifted. “You think we’re giving up that easily?”

“Uh…”

“Please.” Daisy glanced at Riva’s feet. “Can you climb in those shoes?”

“Huh?”

She sighed. “How about, can you climb?”

“I don’t really…”

Daisy was on the girls’ varsity volleyball team, so this was probably no big deal to her. Riva found she didn’t want to admit how little physical activity her life required. What if Daisy decided she didn’t want to be friends after all?

“When I play Assassin’s Creed, I’m great at climbing,” she tried, offering a shrug and a lopsided grin.

“Assassin’s Creed? Is that, like, a sport?”

Riva cringed. “It’s a video game.”

“Oh.” Daisy was quiet for a few seconds while Riva tortured herself internally.

You had to bring up video games? Way to prove you’re boring after all.

She was surprised when Daisy caught the sleeve of her T-shirt. Riva couldn’t remember having been touched like that before. Daisy held the material delicately, between her finger and thumb, as if it was something precious. The gesture wasn’t casual at all, and it seemed oddly gentle. Riva met Daisy’s eyes, full of questions she couldn’t quite articulate.

“Do you still want to do this?” Daisy asked. “I’m not trying to push you. If you want to go to class…”

“No, I really want to go with you.” Riva worked to control her tone, not wanting to reveal exactly how much she wanted to. “I’m just sorry I’m not more athletic.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay with risking it. Are you? If you don’t make it over the fence, we might get in trouble, but otherwise, we’ll be out.”

Daisy seemed so serious. Riva was sort of surprised she cared so much. She could just picture how Benton would behave in this situation, mocking her for only being good at climbing in video games, annoyed that she was yet again ruining his fun. Now Riva wanted to go with Daisy even more than she had before.

“I’ll risk it,” she said. “That’s cool with me.”

“Great.” Daisy grinned. “Come on.”

She pulled her fingers away from Riva’s sleeve, making the fabric bounce back against Riva’s arm with a light snap, and headed back the way they’d come. The halls were only thinly populated. The majority of students had made it to class. Daisy moved faster now. Riva trotted at times to keep up with her.

Daisy led them through a tangle of hallways until they came out on one side of the Ag building, separated from the parking lot by a chain-link fence several feet taller than Riva.

“You ready?” Daisy asked. “My car’s the pile of rust by the exit. See it? That Honda? When we go, we have to go fast. Climb as hard as you can, then run for the car.”

Riva swallowed. She was pretty sure this was all going to end in a phone call to her mother, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to do it. She nodded.

“Okay,” Daisy said. “One. Two. Three. Go!”

She was off with a burst of long-legged muscle. For a second, Riva just watched Daisy, awestruck by the way she moved. Then Daisy flung herself at the fence, and Riva remembered that if she wanted to hang out with her, she needed to run, too.

Riva’s side cramped almost immediately, but she was not about to let that stop her. The deans had seen them and were shouting. Riva was scared, but she motivated herself by thinking about how the rest of the day might go. If she gave in to being a boring coward, she was going to end up waiting for her mom in the principal’s office. If she kept up with Daisy, she would be sunning herself at the beach instead, making a real friend for the first time since her mom had forced her to come to Florida.

Her body did not want to move, but she reached the chain-link fence anyway, her backpack banging against her lower back. The metal bit into her palms when she tried to haul herself up. Daisy had picked a good spot to climb—the deans were running toward them, but they had to skirt almost the entire parking lot to reach them. Still, if Riva couldn’t climb at all, that wasn’t going to make enough of a difference.

“Climb with your legs, not your arms,” Daisy hissed from somewhere above her. “Pretend you’re on really steep stairs.” With that, she flipped her body up and over the top of the fence, landing eye to eye with Riva. Daisy was a little taller than she was, but the depressing fact was Riva hadn’t climbed very far at all.

“Don’t get in trouble because of me,” Riva said. “The deans are coming. Run to your car. It’s really fine.”

Daisy rolled her eyes. “Shut up. I said I would risk it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, but you’d better at least try to climb. Hurry up!”

Legs, not arms. Legs, not arms. Riva chanted to herself, and was surprised to find how quickly she scaled the fence that way. She got to the top and looked down at Daisy, dismayed to find that the height made her head spin.

“Come on! We can make it!”

The deans were shouting from somewhere much closer now, but Riva didn’t waste time tracking them. She needed this beach trip. She needed a friend like Daisy. She needed to not be a boring coward. She crossed the top of the fence, then froze.

“I think I’m scared of heights.”

“Jump down, Riva. You can do it. I’m right here.”

Riva gulped and flung herself awkwardly down in Daisy’s direction. She stumbled and dropped to one knee, but Daisy hauled her up right away, taking her hand and dragging her toward the car. With Daisy pulling her, Riva managed to go much faster than she thought she could run. Her knee throbbed, but she didn’t let it stop her. She only had eyes for Daisy’s rusty car and the parking lot exit just beyond. All she could feel was Daisy’s hand, which seemed like the most solid thing in the world.

“Get in, get in, get in!”

Riva’s momentum carried her a moment longer than it should have. She crashed into Daisy’s car, banging her shins on the back bumper, then forced herself to recover and run for the passenger seat. The deans had gotten close. They were shouting for the girls to stop.

“Come on, come on.”

Daisy’s continued chants seemed more for herself at this point than for Riva. Both girls rushed into the car. Daisy gunned the engine the second Riva buckled her seatbelt. The car’s engine growled, then roared as they shot toward the parking lot’s exit.

Then they were on smooth, black road. Daisy was grinning and shouting, and Riva’s heart was still pounding. She glanced back toward the receding school, then at Daisy’s face. The tension rushed from her body in an awkward laugh.

“I cannot believe we just did that. Seriously, I cannot.”

“I didn’t know you were such a good girl,” Daisy said.

Riva stilled. “Is that…? You probably think that’s super uncool.”

Daisy laughed and shook her head. “I’m not judging you. I just didn’t know.”

Examining one of her fingernails, Riva tried to talk herself out of what she wanted to say next. She didn’t want to come off as insecure, but she’d felt invisible since she and her mom moved to Florida. This sudden special attention from Daisy made no sense to her, and she couldn’t bring herself to entirely trust it. They drove a few minutes in silence, and then Riva went for it.

“So…wouldn’t you normally do something like this with your friend Jo?”

Daisy shrugged, too casually. “I mean, yeah. But it’s nice to do it with you.” She gave Riva a smile that seemed strangely tentative coming from a girl as gorgeous, confident, and popular as her.

“More exciting to almost get caught by the deans?”

The smile changed in a way Riva couldn’t read.

“Something like that.”

“Well,” Riva said. She cleared her throat. She didn’t want to think about what had happened in French class, but now that they were out of immediate danger of getting caught, the memory intruded and made it hard to think about anything else. “I should warn you, I’m about to become a social pariah. You might not want to be seen hanging out with me.”

A hunted expression flickered over Daisy’s face. Riva felt bad and almost offered to go home and never speak to her again. Then strength seeped into the set of Daisy’s mouth, and she squared her shoulders and sat up straighter in the driver’s seat.

“Like I said, I think we’re all scared of stuff like what just happened to you. It scares me, too. But if we were friends…I wouldn’t abandon you over that, I swear. I don’t want to be scared all my life, you know?”

Riva sat back in her chair for a moment. Outside the car window, the bright world rushed past. She couldn’t get over how often the sun was out in Florida. It seemed to produce twice as much light and heat as it had in Jersey. She’d felt sad and lonely since coming here, and that made her feel weird when it was always so pretty outside. She looked at Daisy again, and she couldn’t understand why this girl was bothering with her at all. Daisy was best friends with Jo Quang, one of the most popular girls in school. Riva couldn’t see what she could contribute that Daisy didn’t already have.

“You don’t even know me,” Riva said. She gulped, remembering French class. “You don’t know what people are going to be saying about me.”

“You said you didn’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to pressure you.” Daisy took one hand off the steering wheel and fiddled with her large hoop earring. “But if you want to tell me, I’m pretty sure I’ll be cool with it. I mean, I’m pretty, um, open-minded.”

Riva couldn’t help snorting. “It doesn’t matter how open-minded you are. I’m still going to sound like an idiot.”

“Maybe not to me,” Daisy said.

“It’s really stupid.” Riva shook her head. “So stupid.”

“Asking a girl out isn’t stupid,” Daisy said softly.

Oh.

Daisy hadn’t been one of the people who’d seen the note Riva and Emmy had exchanged. Riva quickly rewound the encounter in her mind and realized what it must have looked like. Daisy’s supportive attitude made a lot more sense all of a sudden.

“You thought I admitted to being gay. And that people were being mean to me about it.”

“Is that not what happened?”

“No, no. I don’t think Emmy would have blown me off so hard if that was what was going on.” Riva’s face flamed.

Daisy was clearly a good person, someone who didn’t want to let bullies win the day. It made Riva feel guilty to know she’d been benefiting from a false impression—especially when she still really wanted to go to the beach and have a friend.

Daisy’s jaw worked as she drove.

“It’s okay,” Riva said. “You can ask. You deserve an answer at this point, I think.”

“Okay. Can you tell me what did happen?”

“It’s this stupid thing my boyfriend has been wanting me to do,” Riva said. She was surprised at how easily the sentence flowed from her mouth. She hadn’t talked to anyone about this, hadn’t even brought it up during her IM sessions with her best friend back home. She took a deep breath and confessed the rest. “He wants to see me make out with a girl. I don’t know how to find girls who would want to do something like that. It was a stupid idea to ask Emmy. I’ve ruined my life, and Benton’s going to be pissed off that I haven’t made any progress setting this up.”

Daisy was quiet for a long time. The car sped up slightly, then Daisy sighed, and it slowed back down.

“You’re judging me, right?” Riva said. “It’s okay, really. I know I was being an i***t. If you don’t want to hang out with me—”

“Stop it. I still want to hang out.”

Riva bit her lip. “I don’t know why.”

“You seem cool. Especially if you would quit saying bad things about yourself.”

“What about me could possibly seem cool? So far, I’ve embarrassed myself in French class, failed to climb a fence, almost gotten us both in trouble with the deans, and told you this screwed-up thing I’m trying to do for my boyfriend.”

More silence passed. Riva hadn’t been able to stop herself from listing the day’s humiliations, but now she regretted doing so. She didn’t really want to convince Daisy she wasn’t cool.

Around when the lack of reply became really agonizing, Daisy exhaled loudly. “I like the shirts you wear,” she said. “The ones about video games. I never could play. I don’t know many girls who do. And I like that you’re in my math class even though you’re a year behind me. A lot of kids are afraid to be smart. I think it’s cool that you’re not. I like…” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I just always felt like we would get along.”

By the time Daisy finished talking, Riva was smiling so wide, her cheeks hurt. “I think you seem cool, too,” she said.

“You do?”

“Yeah, how could I not? I mean, you actually know how to dress. I get stressed about that all the time—I’m scared to really put on makeup—but you just make it all look so easy. And you look so…I don’t know…comfortable.”

Daisy laughed at that. “I don’t think there’s a single kid in our school who feels comfortable there.”

“I’d settle for looking that way. I think it’s cool that you’re on the varsity volleyball team. And the way you are with your friend, Jo. I miss that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I was friends with this girl back home. Casey Turner. We met in preschool. I guess I sort of expected us to grow apart at some point, but we never did…until I moved here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. I just wish I could act normal here. I don’t know who to talk to, how to be, where to go. Nothing feels right.”

“Is that why you’re doing this stuff for your boyfriend? You’re letting him pressure you because you feel like you’ve got nothing else?”

“He’s not pressuring me,” Riva said quickly. “I mean, he’s pushing me, sure. But I don’t want to be a boring coward…” She trailed off, noticing that Daisy’s eyebrow had climbed again. Even to her own ears, her words rang hollow. If Benton wasn’t pressuring her, she wouldn’t be so stressed about disappointing him, would she?

Daisy didn’t pursue the argument, though. She just let Riva stew in what she’d said for a few minutes. Riva wished Daisy would keep talking. Maybe that was because she wanted Daisy to talk her out of trying to please Benton. Maybe it was because she wanted to convince Daisy, and therefore herself, that Benton wasn’t actually asking too much of her.

The car turned off the Interstate and onto a state highway, the shoulder beside the exit covered in signs giving directions to various beaches and beachside attractions.

“Want to know what feels right to me?” Daisy asked.

“What?”

“Roll your window all the way down.” Daisy flicked on the radio.

Riva didn’t know anyone who still listened to the radio—even her mom always hooked her iPod up to the car stereo. Static flickered through the music, and the song wasn’t familiar, but there was something interesting about listening to whatever came in through the airwaves, giving up control.

“Can you smell the ocean?”

Riva leaned out the window and inhaled salt and heat. “Yeah,” she said, shouting over the music and the snapping wind.

“Does it feel right to you?”

Riva stared at this girl too pretty and popular to be putting up with her. She knew what Daisy was trying to tell her. Whatever she thought of Benton, or of what Riva had done in French class, they were still going to the beach together. Daisy had cut class with Riva not out of pity, but for some other inexplicable reason. Her offer of friendship remained on the table.

“I think maybe it does,” Riva said.

Daisy grinned as she drove. Riva put her hand out the window, catching wind in her palm. For once, the warmth of the day didn’t feel wrong.