***
That was intense. God, I wasn’t expecting that. And whether it was the Rachmaninoff or whether I’m just finally so exhausted that there’s nothing left holding me back, or maybe I just didn’t really honestly realise Bastian was truly dead until I actually had to deliver the piece – I don’t know. But I’m relieved. I’m so relieved, and I’m doing nothing to stop the tears now. It feels nice. Dougal reaches over and squeezes my shoulder, hard, and I smile to him, through my tears.
***
When the ceremony’s over we break for tea and coffee just like I knew. But so many people come over to me and shake my hand and say “That was a beautiful speech”, “It sounds like Bastian meant a lot to you” that I start feeling sick and I have to go outside for some fresh air. Several old men are out here,
